As Paige entered the post office she was greeted with a line extending nearly to the door. Internally she breathed a sigh of relief knowing she would be using the self-serve kiosk. With only one person waiting ahead of her, she contentedly stepped in line behind him.
He turned to face Paige and with contempt said, “It may be awhile. This lady is having problems. She’s been up there for ten minutes.” He was referring to the customer using the kiosk. Paige spent a few seconds taking in the situation.
The woman at the kiosk seemed to be looking for something and holding her arms up in confusion. Paige could sense the woman’s overwhelmed feelings penetrating the already flat energy within the foyer.
Without hesitation, Paige approached the woman and asked, “Can I help you?” With a slight hint of desperation the woman said, “I can’t find my postage.” Having used the self-serve kiosk an absurd number of times over the years, Paige had become intimately familiar with it.
She knew exactly where the postage was dispensed. If you’ve never used the kiosk before, you wouldn’t know that you cannot visually see the postage once dispensed. One must bend down, placing one’s hand inside the dispenser box to pull the postage from the dispenser. It does not release and drop on its own.
The woman was quit relieved and delightedly thankful. She moved on and the long waiting, irritated man moved forward to take his turn. His frustrations mounted so that he could not get his credit card to work in the card slot.
Paige gently approached and asked, “Can I help you?” He pushed his card towards her and said, “Sure, give it a try.” The card once again did not work, yet, most likely due to having been tried repetitively. Paige felt he simply needed to go back one step and come around again to the payment screen, yet, his frustrations had grown too large for his patience.
After confusingly hesitating a couple of times to thank Paige for her help, the man decided to leave. He seemed to be torn as to whether to throw in the towel, expressing his thanks, and giving it another try.
Paige felt a wave of peace and compassion flow into her entire being as she knew in another time, another place, she had stood in both the man’s and the woman’s shoes. She was also aware of times in the past when she had been deeply lost in her own thoughts and worries; times when she didn’t even notice that another being was in need of help.
After getting her packages posted, she departed with a joyful, peaceful heart with the hopes that anyone watching was inspired to spread loving kindness in their own way and their own time.
How long had everyone been watching the woman at the self-serve kiosk have problems and confusion? Was it five minutes? Ten minutes? That’s an eternity when one waits in line.
The author of this story is not asking to create judgments. She is asking simply to provoke thought. There have been times when she was lost in her own thoughts and worries to even notice that someone was in need of help. She gets that.
For the last 7 years the author has been meditating on living from the heart and spreading loving kindness to everyone she encounters. This day just happened to be one of the days that she got the chance to do just that … and what a blessing it was to her.
Camilla See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!
Wonderfully exciting news! My 10 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer has arrived. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.
*Inspiring short story, short story about compassion
Call it intuition. Call it my gut. Whatever it’s called, there is something inside of me compelling me to write. Sometimes gently, other times strongly, it nudges me saying, “You’ve just got to share that.” I fought this feeling for a long time, thinking I had nothing meaningful to contribute. At this point in my life, I know that the treasure lying within me, the one I am to share with humanity, is my view of everyday life. I most often share this through writing.
Sometimes I question myself with thoughts of, “What are you doing? Why are you wasting time on this? Who cares what you think? Who cares what happened with you today?” These thoughts can be very discouraging and cause me to doubt myself. However, time and time again, I magically and miraculously receive confirmation that what I’m doing and the path I have chosen is inspiring and helpful to others. These powerful, undeniable moments cause my fears and hesitation to disappear.
My writing journey started …. ” (Go here to read more.)
Head on over and check out 2 Dream Productions if you are an author or aspiring author!
2 Dream Productions, Inc. is a book publicist company that specializes in working with authors and publishers to get more publicity for their books, brands and products.
Camilla See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!
Ever had haunting thoughts that you missed something; that you had all these clues and didn’t put them together? Those thoughts that sweep over you and wrap around you like a dark storm cloud? I share this for anyone who needs it.
These words are like landmarks on a map. Landmarks that lead to a deep peace. The words are doing their work if they bring peace to anyone whose eyes and heart they touch.
Recently I had thoughts that I let something slip through the cracks back in 2006 concerning my daughter*, Lillian. In the midst of some huge life changes** I simply “forgot” something. As I began researching, a heavy feeling came over me. Heavy, dark, and sad, with the feeling I had done something wrong.
Thomas, my son, and Lillian could both sense something was wrong so I went to my room to change clothes. While there I burst into tears and cried with thoughts of how with this one piece of the Lillian puzzle I was right back where I was in 2006. I began to feel guilty and then like a victim and then angry ….. And …..
Then I chose to connect with these feelings. I breathed them in. I didn’t think about why I felt this way. I focused on the way it felt in my body. Heavy and tight. Within minutes the feeling lifted and I was in a peaceful, quiet state.
I realized that for whatever reason, the timing was not right for this path in 2006. I chose not to dwell on why or what if questions. This is now and that doesn’t exist any longer. Something that I would have let carry on for days or weeks in the past (or buried and ignored) was now learned from, felt and processed in half an hour.
Now, I embrace all emotions. They are me. They are us. My thoughts had changed. My perception had changed. I saw it differently. I had just experienced a miracle.
May you let yourself feel what you need to feel, connect with it and have your own miracle today! If you need guidance let me know. So much love to y’all!
Camilla See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!
**** Currently undergoing a creative process of magical transformation **** (HeeHee)
Borrowed from Incredible Joy on facebook
This seemed like a fun and light-hearted way to give y’all an update on my absence. I apologize for not having posted this sooner. It has been several months (plus some). I do feel our entire lives could be described as “under construction”, but there’s been a great deal of heavy duty stuff going on for me in which I’m learning about my true Self.
At times it’s been deep, dark, and not fun with a rounding out of knowing, miracles and excitement. With the finale of an opening up to the alchemy of ME!
I hope to post again in the next month with a further update. Simply wanted to get a quick update out to everyone.
Thank you so very much. I am deeply grateful for your kindness and support!
Camilla See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!
… And continues to give the gift of himself every minute of every day …
Some people say, “I can’t believe (s)he is already 8 years old.” I think to myself, “I cannot believe he is only 8 years old!”
Having not been able to give birth to Lillian at The Birthing Center, I was so excited to be able to deliver Thomas there and for it to be a water birth also.
Honestly, I had a rougher pregnancy with Thomas than Lillian. He was absolutely healthy, but I felt horrible. I was so nauseas and tired the entire time.
In the late afternoon on November 13th, I began having contractions. Naturally, I decided that this was the very time I had to get caught up with the Wall Street Journal print editions I had gotten behind with reading! There I was pacing around the house reading WSJ and stopping to have contractions in between!
We met the midwife at the birthing center about 9:00 pm. Things were moving along pretty quickly as I was doing my best to stay relaxed so that things could progress. After she checked us both and filled the huge bathtub with water, I got right in. I was having tremendous labor pain in my back but kept visualizing this young man making his exit and relieving me of my pain!
I didn’t have to wait too long as he moved his way right along and joined us pretty quickly! After waiting for my temperature to get back to normal, the three of us made the 10 minute drive home. It was about midnight when we arrived and Lillian was sleeping so she got to meet Thomas the next morning!
Today, November 13, 2013, on HIS special day he came and got me, told me to close my eyes and led me to his room. He said he had a gift for me. When I got to his room I removed my hand from my eyes and he had beautifully made his bed! Take my breath away … HE had a gift for ME on HIS special day! This was more of a gift than a nicely made bed.
I feel that ALL children are a gift and that some of us fail to see the gift they bring to us. Not on purpose. We just seem to forget all that we knew about life when we were young. As some of us get older, we lose the pure love, compassion and generosity that were our nature during childhood.
In the beginning of motherhood I did not get this or choose to see and receive the gift. Being in my 12th year now with this parenting journey, coupled with my own awakening and learning journey, I see it so vividly.
Almost daily I have moments where a gesture or words spoken by Thomas bring forth the feeling that time does not exist, we are engulfed in a wave of silence and I have just been given a lesson that I needed right at that very moment.
By the words of wisdom and gestures I share with him, I am teaching these things to myself. For this young man doesn’t just act like he’s listening, he comprehends my words and actions and shares it with me at a different moment in time.
Yesterday he asked so gently if he could have an ice cream as a birthday treat while we waited for Lillian to finish her therapies. I reminded him we had ice cream at home and that he could have some. He said, “Okay, that sounds good.”
Lillian’s therapy center is only seconds from the fast food place that has soft serve ice cream. After I parked, I filled my mind with thoughts of abundance and generosity and changed my mind. After all, it was only a $1 cone.
Thomas had gotten out to play so I asked if he still wanted that ice cream cone. As I turned into the parking lot a homeless person was sitting on the curb.
In addition to ordering the ice cream for Thomas, I ordered a chicken burger. At least, I think it was me. I felt an overwhelming urge to order that burger and give it to the person we had just passed. I had Thomas hand it to him as we pulled next to him. I have NEVER done this before.
The man thanked us many times. As we drove off, I told Thomas that it doesn’t matter the reason that man is sitting there or even if he is really homeless. I felt moved to share kindness and I did.
I explained that we never want to NOT share kindness due to judgment of another or for fear that our kindness will not be well received. Once we perform an act of kindness it’s really no longer our business. I’m sure Thomas will remind me of this beautiful moment just when I need it most.
“The sage is kind to the kind and kind to the unkind.” -Lao Tzu
My heart is so full of love for Thomas. It adds to my own love of self and truly causes my heart to skip a beat at times. No matter what paths he chooses for his journey or where it leads him, I will always love him.
This amazing child with his wise old soul has brought much into my life. I am blessed daily by his presence, his love, his wisdom and his humor. I LOVE that I get to be his mentor and his mother and that HE gets to be my mentor and son! We knew what we were doing when we chose one another for this journey.
You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one …. And … It’s really none of my business what you think of me … xoxo
……. And she Blew out all 12 birthday candles on September 14 2013 …
Lillian literally came flying into this world on September 14 2001. She wasn’t supposed to arrive here until sometime in October 2001, but I was induced a month early as “they” were worried that she had stopped growing and assumed my placenta had quit nourishing her. If we had known then what we discovered three years later (that she has a chromosome difference called 18p- or 18p deletion), we would have known why she was so small and not growing much.
I had planned on having a natural birth in the gigantic jacuzzi style tub at the Birthing Center attached to my Ob-Gyn’s office. I had my room all picked out and had attended all of the birthing classes leading up to the big event. I was the type that when I decided I was going to do something I put my all into it. I studied everything I could find and get my hands on about natural birthing. I practiced meditating and visualizing what would be happening in my body as the birthing process began and progressed. I read about and studied Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way: Revised Edition(amazon affiliate link) and was on my way to having this baby girl the exact way in which I wanted.
Then, one month before her due date at my regular check up, they were worried that she had not grown. I was sent to a specialist who put me on bed rest for two weeks to see if that helped her grow. I used to be a full blown Type A personality and this was devastating to me. I had planned on working right up until she was born so I would have more time off. I had planned on birthing her in the birthing center. My plans were getting all screwed up and I didn’t like it! (I DID get to have Thomas at the awesome birthing center and DID get to experience a water birth for him!! I arrived at about 9:00 pm on November 13, 2005 and went home a few hours later around midnight!)
After two weeks of bed rest, she was checked again for growth. There had been no growth so it was advised that I be induced right away. We agreed and I gave instructions that I did not want any medications as I still wanted to experience natural child birth, even if I wasn’t getting to experience it in the way I originally wanted.
I kept reading my books and studying right up until we checked into the hospital on the morning of September 14, 2001. I even took some of them with me! After we got settled, the pill was inserted that would induce contractions. Later that afternoon I began having contractions. The contractions didn’t have a pattern really .. coming and going with no consistency at all.
I was doing pretty good at not giving in to the pain, instead focusing on what was happening in my body and with that precious little body and soul inside of me about to make it’s way out into this World. At times when I began to lose focus, Lillian’s dad did a really good job at bringing my focus back to what was physically happening instead of my mind focusing on the pain.
Of all things, I worked through each contraction by chanting the vowels. I know. Crazy! I had read about the chanting and just skipped over it as I knew that was just something I would not be doing! I went with it. It was working in keeping me relaxed and letting the contraction happen instead of tensing up. I also visualized what was actually happening inside of me. That helped a great deal also.
My Ob-Gyn visited one more time before leaving and told me I would most likely be there through the night and would birth in the morning. When she left, I looked at Lillian’s dad and told him there was no way in heck I was doing this for that long. I was going to relax and have that baby NOW!
The hospital did not allow water births. However, they did allow you to sit in the tub during contractions and up to the birthing moment. I got into the tub and it felt sooooooo good. The contractions sped up rapidly as I was able to relax more and relax into the contractions. We could see Lilian moving down the birth canal headed towards the exit! I had already decided that for me and my baby and our birthing experience, a water birth was the right thing for us. I am a rule follower too, mostly. So I stayed in the tub until I knew she was about to make her exit.
When I felt her head very close to emerging, we notified the nurse that Lillian was about to be joining us. They said they’d be right down and I will never forget the look on that nurse’s face when she entered the bathroom! She said, “Oh my goodness. You’ve got to get out of the bathtub!” My immediate response was “No” as I was about to have a contraction. She reminded me that I couldn’t birth in the water and I said I’d get out after the next contraction.
I didn’t even get a chance to get my gown back on before lying down, having one or two more contractions and that little girl flew out! Literally! My Ob-Gyn didn’t make it back in time and the attending doctor had just come into the room. He said, “Don’t push yet” and I said, “Are you freaking crazy? My body says to push!” So I did and out she flew still in the safety and warmth of her amniotic sac. He had to catch her. Nature did not care if they were not ready!
I felt absolutely amazing after that .. euphoric! I kept thinking, “Oh my good golly! I just had a baby. And I did it naturally!” I felt so strong and full of energy … Like I could do anything! It’s a feeling like no other and one I have not felt since then. I have come close but nothing can match that feeling.
I was ready to go home shortly after that and they would have released me after 24 hours but Lillian needed to get her temperature and blood sugar regulated. We still didn’t know at the time that she had 18p-. I was walking down the hall a few hours after delivery and one of the nurses said, “Who are you? You are something else!”
We stayed in the hospital for 4 days waiting for Lillian’s temperature and blood sugar to normalize. We were finally released and headed home with a beautiful little 4 pound 5 ounce fairy angel!
Now as I watch her dance around the room, singing words that only she understands, talking with her imaginary friends, I think back to the night that she flew into the World.
Lilian is 12 years old now and for the first time ever at her birthday party she blew out her candles on the first try .. ALL 12 candles! This may not seem like much, but because of the shape of her mouth and lips she has not been able to blow like you and I can … Until NOW!
Lillian’s brother, Thomas, was so excited for her! You can see him about to jump with excitement in this picture. He gave her a big hug afterwards. He couldn’t help himself! Lillian does not like hugs but I think she understood and was a little embarrassed with all the fuss that he and I were making in front of her friends! I kind of like that it’s blurry because I thought for sure I’d be taking more than one and didn’t steady my hand before taking this one. I didn’t get a chance to take another … She blew them candles out!!
Here’s a video of her trying to blow out a candle from January 2011. You can see how far she’s come with this skill!
A fairy angel FLEW into the World at 11:27 pm on September 14, 2001 and twelve years later she BLEW out 12 birthday candles. On. The. FIRST. Attempt! You Go Lillian Paige Darnell, You Go!! I love you unconditionally, forever and ever, to eternity, and to the moon and back!
FREE for the next three (3) days! 12:00 a.m. on Sunday, April 28, 2013 through midnight, Tuesday, April 30, 2013. Help me out y’all! Even if you never plan on reading “D iz for Different“, please take a minute to download it while it’s free! The more downloads the book receives the more exposure it will receive. Go here for the kindle version of “D iz for Different”.
Feel free to leave a comment here when you download or tag me on facebook! Also, feel free to share this post or the facebook event with your friends. If you comment here, tag me or post on my timeline that you downloaded the book during this 3 days, I’ll draw one person to receive an autographed paperback version of “D iz for Different“!
I’ll owe you a big hug when next we see one another!
(iPhone, iPad and Android users can get the ebook for free also by downloading the free Kindle app!)
I have learned, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. -Henry David Thoreau
In mid-December 2006, Thomas, Lillian and I came to Reno to spend Christmas with my Momma and step-father, Frank. That trip turned into a separation from my husband and eventual divorce in September 2007. The year between September 2006 and September 2007 was one of the hardest, most uncomfortable and foggiest years of my life. I had landed in the darkness of my life. If you had asked me during that time if I could go back in time and change things so this were not to happen, I would have given you a resounding YES!!! Now, six years later, I see the wisdom, strength and courage that grew from having gone through this experience. I am grateful for having gone through this. I know that sounds weird, but that is how I feel. Had I not experienced this darkness, I would not be where I am today. This isn’t about what led to the separation and divorce. We’re all adults and we are aware these things happen … This is about sharing how discouraged and defeated I felt back then. It’s about how going through that led to the footsteps that brought me back to myself and brought me to where you see me today … Happy, Peaceful, Strong and going confidently in the direction of my dreams …
It was surreal, overwhelming. This could not be happening to me. Can I just blink my eyes, make it all go away, and put life in reverse? I could barely function. I had no appetite and had to force myself to eat. I still had about 40 or 50 pounds of extra weight that I had gained when pregnant with Thomas. The weight just melted off daily and was gone (plus some) in a matter of months. No doubt about it, it was TOUGH … GOSH DARN tough!! It wasn’t just tough, it was dreadful. I sought professional help before even coming to Reno. I began seeing a family/marriage therapist in Tacoma, Washington in September of 2005 and continued to have sessions with her via telephone for several months after coming to Reno. After my kids went to bed at night, I would cry and cry and cry. If they were awake, sometimes I would sneak out into the garage and cry … Thoughts of “How am I going to do this?” just swirled and swirled in my mind. I could find no peace. During that year, I had thoughts of ending my own life**. Although I had these thoughts, they were short-lived. These thoughts would only last about a nano-second as the split second thought after that was of …. Thomas and Lillian. They kept me going. They kept me moving through the motions. They helped me heal. They helped me grow. Where I am today seemed impossible, thoughts of the future were daunting … Like it would NEVER happen. Yet, it DID!! And now I’m going to write about it.
I had no idea how I was going to be a single mom to one year old Thomas and five year old Lillian and with the added component of Lillian being special needs. It was overwhelming to even think about. One thing I knew was that if I could just make it to both of them being school aged then everything would be okay. If I could be a mother to them, raise them, infuse them with what I thought they needed before they were with other “teachers” and “mentors” during the day (as opposed to being with me); then I would have the freedom to go full force in the direction of my dreams. Thomas began first grade this year and Lillian went into the fourth grade. I made it!!! Here I am!!
Here’s how I fumbled and bumbled my way through my experience …
I removed as much negativity from my life as possible. I quit watching television, quit paying attention to the news, and steered clear of toxic people.
I read, read, read, read, and read some more. I read self help books, healing books, spiritual books, any book that would teach me how to gain control over my thoughts and thereby gain control over my life.
I surrounded myself with amazing, supportive, courageous, self-confident, successful people. One evening in July 2007 I attended an eWomenNetwork “networking” event facilitated by Kymberlee Simantel (who I now consider a dear friend and whom I love tons). That evening proved to be a crucial part of my healing and growing. I have become dear friends with a core group of women from that organization and they have always been there to support me, encourage me, give me a kick in the butt when I need it, and just let me be ME as I worked through all kinds of crud!
I leaned on and let my family help me (my Mom, Frank and my Daddy).
This isn’t going to work for everyone. It’s just what I did and what worked for me. Hey! We are all DIFFERENT!! What works for one person, will not work for someone else. The key is to not give up. Keep on keepin on until you find the perfect recipe for you .. the magic ingredients that will mix well together for you and cook to perfection to bring you through whatever uncomfortable experience you may be going through. One critical thing to keep in mind is to let yourself have those moments, days or even weeks where you aren’t trying so hard to get past and through. It’s crucial to ask for help if you need it, whether it’s professional help or help from friends and family. Be with the uncomfortableness so you can learn and grow within.
Another component that I have just recently completed is a forgiveness exercise. This actually was part of a Money Magic Coaching course facilitated by my friend, Jamie Cooke of MC2 Wealth Solutions, LLC. As part of the course, you write forgiveness letters. This was very healing and therapeutic. Absolutely not something to be done while you are experiencing the rough time. It’s been 6 years now for me. This was just part of the process. I know I’m not done healing and growing and learning. I do know this though … I’m further along than I was 6 years ago and I hope to not be done learning and growing for a very very very long time …
**Please seek professional guidance and support of friends and family if you are experiencing these types of thoughts.
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