June 29 2024

Originally written and shared June 2023 – This is an updated version June 2024

Prompt: What does Pride mean to you?

Feeling the Breeze

Pride means
I am a safe person
I am a safe space
If you need a warm, loving hug
I will happily share one with you

Pride means
I am an ally
I am an advocate
I am a supporter
I am a member of this community

Pride means
I have a little bit of anger
At times a lot of anger
About not being exposed to the full
Spectrum of relationships and sexuality
As a young person

Sadness over what might of been
With my life had I known
That what I felt, my truth
was not wrong
what might have been
If were to have been
Raised to trust myself

Pride means
Embracing my neurospicy,
Pisces, sexually diverse self
I am undefinable
And I will not define others
A little bit chaos
A little bit edgy
A little bit shy
A little bit bold
A little bit needy
A little bit of a loner
A little bit gypsy
A little bit mermaid
A little bit hippy
A little bit witchy
A little bit enchantress
A little bit seductress.

Pride means, living life on my terms
Meeting life in this moment
Doing what I am moved to do
Saying what I am moved to say
Feeling whatever arises

My eyes wide open
I’ve broken free from the shackles
Of tradition
I’ve opened the windows
Feeling the breeze on my skin
Blowing through my hair
Blowing through my thoughts
Blowing through my heart
Breaking free from the conditions
Of a childhood of constraint
Of not being seen
Not being heard
In fear of rejection
In fear of doing it wrong
Doing it wrong

In fear of not being understood
Not being appreciated
not being wanted
not being desired
not being loved.

Feeling the breeze
I release the traumas of the past.
Knowing when I am responding or living from the old me.
Still falling back into those old ways
The old fears of not being wanted, desired, loved.
Yet catching it when it happens.
Reminding myself
that my worth does not come
From receiving positive feedback from others
That’s old shit.

Pride means, taking young Camilla by the hand
Reminding her she is loved, wanted, and desired
That this does not come from others
It is a given, already there.

I remind myself that I am the love of my life
That I am my partner in this dance of life
That now is the time to rock my world
Having the best love affair of my life
With myself
And this brings liberation, FREEDOM
And Freedom is just another word
For nothing left to lose.

I’m letting it in
No one else can do this for me
Living my life from this point forward
Til I can live it no longer

Pride means,
Being attracted to whoever the hell I want to be attracted to,
Without feeling shame or feeling like I’m wrong.
Breaking free from the the traditional concepts of what it
Means to be in a relationship with another.
Ready to connect and have fun with kindred spirts
Explore, be open
Ready to be touched
Ready to touch
Sparking deep connections
Heart to heart conversations

Pride means,
Loving my two kids, age 18 and 22, loudly
By supporting and
holding space for Lillian and Thomas
By Encouraging them to be authentically themselves
And to be attracted to whoever they are attracted to
And to love whoever they love

Conditioning, traditions, shame,
being afraid to make a mistake
I’m treating myself to throwing those
fuckers into the ocean
To be liberated by her depths

Feeling the breeze on my skin
Blowing through my hair
Blowing through my thoughts
Blowing through my heart
Living life with my heart wide open
Words unspoken, flowing forth
Shared with any who wish to hear them.

Happy Pride Y’all
Camilla Downs, 2024