Give Me One Reason – Monday Night Poetry

February 9 2024

Last Monday was exactly what I needed and I had a blast! Love these deep diving poetry folks!

The Space in My Heart

Give me one good reason
Why I should stay

When we’re together the words
You say to me
Bury themselves into the fertilizer
Of my heart
Watered with the tears that shed
When you ignore me
Sprouting, growing into the garden of you

Only to be crushed by the boot
Of your unreliability, dishonesty
Your empty, meaningless words
Supported by your inconsiderate nature

You come to me as an option
When you need replenished
When you’re lonely, sad, or confused

I am sustenance caught
In your web
Suspended, stuck
Waiting for you to come for me

I’m continually questioning my
Position in your life

I’m tempted by your tasty fruit
I know I should disconnect

My soul knows this

I want to understand you
I want to explain how I feel

But my soul knows I need someone
Who chooses me over and over again
Someone whose efforts reflect
I am wanted in their life
Someone who abundantly fills my cup

Give me one good reason
Why I should stay

Are we just telling ourselves stories?
We would do and say anything
To hang on to each other

Fiction filled stories
With pieces of truth
Patching the plot holes

Dancing to the tune of
Each others energy
Smiling in each other’s sunlight
Singing the joy bursting from our hearts
Drawn together like magnets

Is it fiction or truth?

Deep down I know the answer

Infusing myself with the strength
Of all the goddesses before me,
I close my eyes,
take a deep breath
And I
Walk away

February 2024

Inspired by Tracy Chapman’s “Give Me One Reason”

Hosted by @sidewayseightprojects and @mondaynightpoetrynv

Throwback Post: Lillian and Camilla October 2015 Date Day

**THROWBACK POST**

October 14 2015:

Lillian and Camilla October 2015 Date Day – Lillian’s first time visiting Rock Park. So pretty!! – part 1

Lillian and Camilla October 2015 Date Day- Lillian’s first time visiting Rock Park. So pretty! Then stopping for a gluten free dessert for our picnic later. – part 2

Lillian and Camilla October 2015 Date Day- Picnic on the patio and then dessert in the garden area by the lodge. Pumpkin spice tea with a sea salt caramel cannoli for me and a candy cookie for Lillian! Yum!

Lillian and Camilla October 2015 Date Day- last stop – Window shopping and getting ideas. We haven’t been here in a year or two. She loves looking at the beds and couches. xoxo

Throwback Post: Lillian and Camilla November 2015 Date Day

**THROWBACK POST**

November 23 2015:

Lillian and Camilla November 2015 Date Day …

Trader Joe’s for some groceries. It was packed and had to park further out then ever! I was inspired by Angela’s post a few days ago and grabbed 2 stray carts to return as we were walking to the entrance. It was like a can of sardines in there! Yet, we enjoyed ourselves and I smiled at everyone I could. Shared some giggles with people I don’t know and it was great.

As I was taking my cart back to the store, a person who parked near us offered to take my cart back and wished me a Happy Thanksgiving!! I love loving-kindness! Then we went to Whole Foods for a gluten free dessert for Lillian. Then home for a candlelight dessert. Mini eggnog cheesecake for me and a red velvet macaroon for Lillian. xoxo

Lillian and Camilla November 2015 Date Day … A beautiful, crisp walk around the lake. xoxo

New Poetry – Pride Poetry Event

June 27 2023

Last night was the Pride Poetry event and it was absolutely incredible. This photo is just over half the folks who attended as it went way past the usual time and some had already left.

So much love, so much joy, so much heartbreak. The poems were happy, sad, intense, angry. The full spectrum. It was like a giant rainbow exploded with so many beautiful queers, and a few straight folks. ❤️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈❤️ I adore these people.

I read two poems. One old, and one new. The prompt was, What does Pride mean to you?

Feeling the Breeze

Two months ago, a series of
Positive, healthy changes came together.
Having to do with my mental,
physical and emotional health.

When that happened the part of me that I put
To sleep 15 years ago, woke up.
Wide open, burning, tingling, on fire,
Inviting the rest of me to wake the fuck up,
Get out, do shit, meet people,
Have fun, live life!

For a year and a half I sat in my car
For the hour long appointment that my teenager
Had every other Monday.
A 5 minute drive from here

This new chapter of my life began the day
I chose not to sit in the car for that hour,
The day I stepped into
The door of Shim’s Surplus,
Attending My first spoken views collective poetry event.

For me, pride means

I am a safe person
I am a safe space
If you need a warm, loving hug
I will happily share one with you

For me, pride means

I have a little bit of anger
At times a lot of anger
About not being exposed to the full
Spectrum of relationships and sexuality
As a young person

Sadness over what might of been
With my life had I known
There wasn’t just one way to be
And one way to love.

For me, pride means

Embracing my neurospicy,
Pisces, sexually diverse self.
A little bit chaos
A little bit edgy
A little bit shy
A little bit bold
A little bit gypsy
A little bit mermaid
A little bit hippy
A little bit witchy
A little bit enchantress
A little bit seductress.

Actually though, I am undefinable
And I will not define others.

Living life on my terms
Meeting life in this moment
Doing what I am moved to do
Saying what I am moved to say
Feeling whatever arises

My eyes wide open
I’ve broken free from the shackles
Of tradition
I’ve opened the windows
Feeling the breeze on my skin
Blowing through my hair
Blowing through my thoughts
Blowing through my heart

Breaking free from the conditions
Of a childhood of constraint
Of not being seen
Not being heard
In fear of rejection
In fear of doing it wrong

In fear of not being understood
Not being appreciated
wanted
desired
loved.

Feeling the breeze
I’m releasing the traumas of the past.
Knowing when I am responding or living from the old me.
Still falling back into those old ways
The old fears of not being wanted, desired, loved.
Yet catching it when it happens.
Saying to myself, Nah girl.
Your worth does not come
From whether or not they like your posts on the gram
Whether they text or not
That’s old shit.

So I take young Camilla by the hand
Reminding her she is loved, wanted, and desired
That this does not come from them
It is a given, already there.
And this brings liberation, FREEDOM
And Freedom is just another word
For nothing left to lose.

I’m letting it in
No one else can do this for me
Living my life from this point forward
Til I can live it no longer

Being attracted to whoever the hell I want to be attracted to,
Without feeling shame or feeling like I’m wrong.
Breaking free from the the traditional concepts of what it
Means to be in a relationship with another.
Ready to have fun with kindred spirts, be playful, hold on loosely,
leaving that serious shit out of the equation
Exploring, being open
Ready to be touched
Ready to touch
Sparking deep connections
Heart to heart conversations
Connecting with those kindred spirits
Holding space for those I love to be who they are, love who they love.

Conditioning, traditions, shame, being afraid to make a mistake
I’m treating myself to throwing those
Bitches into the ocean
To be liberated by her depths.

Feeling the breeze on my skin
Blowing trough my hair
Blowing through my thoughts
Blowing through my heart

Living life with my heart wide open
Words unspoken, flowing forth
Shared with any who wish to hear them.

The old poem I read on Monday night at the Pride Spoken Views Poetry event (an oldie from 2018)

My Dearest Thomas,

A child called Thomas was born
on this day in 2005.

The child arrived around 9:00 in the evening; swimming into a new world.
Incredible joy this one brought along to share. Smiling, smiling, smiling a great deal of the time.

A beautiful baby body,
soft as silk, deep with warmth, and a perfect fit
in this Mom’s arms and heart.

The Mom’s love and support for the child, Thomas,
runs as deep and wide
as the Universe and beyond.

What the Mom most wants Thomas to know in the deepest recesses of the heart ….
You cannot disappoint me,
You are not here to please me
You are not here to do as you think I want. You do not have to fear what I will think.
You cannot disappoint me.

This Mom will support you
always and forever,
beyond even the time in
which she is using this body.

This Mom’s love is not
conditioned on who you be or don’t be, nor what you do or don’t do.
This Mom trusts you.
This Mom believes in you.
This Mom knows you are worthy of your heart’s desire.
This Mom apologizes for conditions not being as you
and she would like.

You cannot disappoint me. I will love and support you always and forever …
Happy 13th Birthday Thomas! I love YOU!!

November 13 2018

Vegan Eats With The Lake Tahoe Herbivores – South Lake Tahoe

April 22 2023

Lovely drive to and from South Lake Tahoe for a vegan lunch meet up with the Lake Tahoe Herbivores. It was such a beautiful drive. I stopped for scenic photos on the way there. Loved getting to see my Pisces birthday twin, Tania. 💜💜💜 I had the enchiladas with red sauce and a horchata.

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 21 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 17 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest News: The Letters We Wrote Five Years Ago

On November 1 2021, I mailed the letters we wrote to ourselves in 2016, five years ago. We wrote them, sealed them, and I hid them in my fireproof safe box. I put a note on my calendar for 5 years out to mail them. I absolutely did not remember what I had written!

This was such a moving experience. On November 3rd, we received the letters we wrote to our future selves five years ago, November 2016. Thank you 2016 Camilla. ❤️❤️❤️ Thomas likes his, too. Lillian likes the advice she gave herself.

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 20 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 16 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

 

Throwback Post: The Portal of Silence

I’m not sure when I originally wrote this, had to have been about 3 years ago. I submitted it to a poetry contest and then forgot about it.

The Portal of Silence

Love floats
with the wind.
Love brushes
by when one
least expects.

Divine love
surrounds all.
Divine love
is within all.

All is Divine Love.

Feels, at times,
love lands
with deep penetrating
painful thorns.

Bring oneself
into the stillness
into the silence,
one must.

To Know the pain,
to feel the pain.
to receive the gift
pain bears.

The Stillness.
The silence.
The doorway
of experiencing
pain as the portal.

The portal to Wisdom
The portal to Knowing
The portal to Freedom. -©Camilla Downs

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 19 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 15 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Get to Know Me: What Songs Hit You With a Wave of Nostalgia?

I’m a member of an author/book reader facebook group, and the admins ask great questions. I decided to turn some of the questions into a “get to know me” series. I would also love to hear your answers to the questions posed in the series. Thanks Helen for asking such fun questions!

What Songs Hit You With a Wave of Nostalgia?

This is just a small sampling. I could go on and on.

Village People:

Kool and the Gang:

 

The Pointer Sisters

Sister Sledge:

Billy Idol: (so many!!) And who didn’t stand in front of the mirror trying to perfect the Billy Idol lip thing!

Duran Duran: (so many!!)

Prince:

David Bowie:

Aerosmith:

and with Run DMC

Guns n Roses:

The Cult:

AC/DC:

Red Hot Chili Peppers

Twisted Sister:

Inxs:

Def Leppard:

Metallica:

Sir Mix-A-Lot:

Talking Heads:

Dexys Midnight Runners:

I could go on and on … You get the idea, though!

What about you?

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 19 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 15 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.