Throwback Post: Interconnectedness of Kindness and Intuition

**THROWBACK POST**

March 11 2016

Yesterday afternoon Thomas and I were looking at an ad that came in the mail from Bed, Bath and Beyond. On the front cover is a Himalayan salt lamp. I told Thomas I’ve been wanting a votive candle holder or a lamp for years and one day I’m gonna have one.

This afternoon I received a message from a friend that a little something had just been left on the porch. WOW! I sent a message thanking her and shared the story above.

Her reply, “I got that flyer in the mail too. It made me think of you.” I don’t think I had voiced to anyone except Thomas that I wanted one of these. It’s just beautiful and magical when synchronicity shows up like this … When we listen to our intuition.

I have had this happen as the giver as well. For me it has been an inner nudge to share a quote, a passage from a book, or simply to reach out. It’s always a blessing for both the giver and receiver … as when we give, we receive.

Even in instances where we never hear back from the recipient. That doesn’t matter. There was a reason for the inner nudge. We don’t always need to know the reason. Years ago I shared with Thomas that if we are moved to reach out, to share kindness, we should never let fear of the receiver not responding or openly appreciating the act, stop us. Someone will benefit. The giver, the receiver, someone who witnessed … someone. xoxoxoxo

**October 2021 Update – I still have this lovely gift, gracing our dining table.

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 20 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 15 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Throwback Post: Life is Like a Maze – Lillian Darnell

**THROWBACK POST**

I have no idea when Lillian shared this with me. It was either in 2017 or 2018.


(Photo from an October 2020 Date Day with Thomas)

Hey there! Imagine a maze with dead ends and straight lines. Every bad thing that happens takes you to a dead end even if it seems to be leading in a straight path. Every good thing that happens takes you to the correct path. The entrance is you come in the maze as a newborn and the exit is your soul exiting and reentering as someone or something.

I told the shortened version to Camilla this morning and it had just came to me. Think of your life like this and your life should be easier to live. – Lillian Darnell

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 19 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 15 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Reblog: Beautiful and Wild With Mother Nature

December 31 2020

Beautiful last sunset of 2020!

January 7 2021

Wild n crazy clouds yesterday.

  

January 7 2021

Thomas and I went for a much needed walk this afternoon. Mother Nature is simply the best.

   

Follow the link to see more photos …

Beautiful and Wild With Mother Nature

Throwback Post: This is the Space

**THROWBACK POST**

March 21 2019


(Photo from August 2021 Walk)

This is the space I was in Tuesday night … I sat to write as I felt overwhelmed with the enormity of circumstances and unclear how to proceed.

When it’s my own internal struggles and turbulence I have learned to lean into it, be with it, and try to remember to keep love at the forefront of whatever it is.

What I have not learned is how to do this when someone I love dearly is struggling and I don’t have clarity about how to help them and feel deeply inadequate for the task. Especially when there are two someones struggling. And, sometimes, struggling at the same time.

This is what lies at the forefront of the current journey. It’s definitely not a pleasant place to be. Yet, offers much opportunity to continue to move through one’s own journey while at the same time holding space for those closest to you as they travel their own journey.

I went to bed shortly after writing this. I woke up feeling lighter and more at peace than I had in nearly a week. I also knew which first steps to take in helping my loved one and I took it. PSR Through Writing …. That’s what I call it. Peace Solutions Relief …. Through Writing ..

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 19 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 15 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest News: Taking Time to Relax

August 4 2021

I decided it was about damn time and okay if I just relax, and do nothing. Very hard for me. I’m used to always feeling I’m being useful, researching, advocating for Thomas or Lillian, creating some form of art – whether it’s writing or creating art in some form, or being out exploring Mother Nature. This is okay, Camilla.

I know I’m not alone in the stories, the narratives that we tell ourselves when it comes to doing absolutely nothing. I know that these times are necessary and needed in order for me to refuel, refilling my cup. I am a master at serving from a depleted cup. This is not something that one would want to master.

Knowing this does not stop the narrative, the anxious feeling that I should be doing something other than taking time to just gaze at the sky, listening to the sounds of life. What is valuable to master is having these nagging thoughts and feelings, letting them be, while still allowing time to do absolutely nothing. I will work at mastering that as long as it takes.

I’m taking a lesson from 14 year old Camilla, on the beach in Florida. I know she wasn’t worried about doing something other than sitting in the sand, gazing at the place where the ocean and sky meet one another …


(Camilla – 1984 Summer Vacation – Florida)

How about you? What narrative creeps into your thoughts when seeing to yourself?

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 19 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 15 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Throwback Post: It Was A Crummy Day

**THROWBACK POST**

I’m not sure of when this was written … 2017, 2018, or could have been in 2019 ??? (When I changed hosting companies in 2020, I lost the original dates for my draft posts.)

I wrote this last night before going to bed. I needed to process. I needed to hear, through the writing, the outcome. I’m on the other side of it now. I’m at peace and ready to put one foot in front of the other. I’m ready to view this with curiosity and anticipation.

Simply sharing with you … as … that’s what I do. I write. I share. And, I do this for you to take away whatever it is that fits your space in this moment. As I finish this preface to yesterday’s writing, I’m hearing Nina Simone’s, “Here Comes the Sun” serenading me …

“Today was such a crummy day. I was incredibly grateful I took the long walk this morning. And that it was such a beautiful, blissful, and magical walk. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to put it off until Thursday or Friday. I am deeply thankful I didn’t put it off as it laid the foundation for processing such a crummy day!

Such is this journey of life. Some days there will be huge disappointment. Some days great expansion and joy. I choose to feel all the feels. The sharp, biting anger and depths of sadness over disappointment and the bliss of magical joy in moments like yesterday.

Interestingly the weather matched me perfectly. The weather seemed to say, “There’ll be days like this. Oh, yes. Days like this.”

I breathe in this disappointment. I breathe it into my entire being, feeling the pings and pangs as it slithers its way through my body. During the walk yesterday in the biting cold and wind, I did what would help me move this through. I screamed to the wind and the trees, WTF am I supposed to do, and some other shi* filled language!!

By the end of the day, I know I am strong enough to keep going and wise enough to allow and know the solutions, and capable enough to do what needs to be done.

My heart and mind are open to accepting that this is not supposed to happen and that it is ultimately in my highest and best interest that it did not happen. As much as I desire to control this and have the outcome I envision, it is not to be.

I shall allow the anger, sadness, and grief to move through me and allow myself to feel it. The old me used to either deflect it or just kind of shove it over in the corner of my cells somewhere. Nice and snug.

I’ve spent many uncomfortable and painful years excavating, breaking free, and releasing loads of anger, sadness, and grief buried in my bones and cells from childhood and teenage years. I’m not about to start burying that crap again!

Once I’m done feeling it all, I will send it love. I will send myself love. I will love myself through to the other side of this. I will keep loving. I will keep smiling. I will keep dancing. I will keep walking. I will keep writing. Where’s my boogie shoes? Gimme my laptop. Time to go to Funkytown!”

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 19 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 15 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Throwback Post: Compassion Has Replaced Judgments

**THROWBACK POST**

I think this was written in 2017, not sure.


(Photo from a Summer 2021 Walk)

The space within me that held the weight of so many judgments … Judgments against people who thought and felt differently, judgments against single moms, judgments against parents whose kids act out and the kids too.

Every single time one of those judgments was released, a cushion of compassion took its place. There are still some wee judgments hiding in there. Some that stay hidden and some that peek out to see if it’s safe. Within me is not a safe zone for judgments … You are released and a warm, soft, loving cushion of compassion takes your place.

There is a space within
A space occupied, it was.

Occupied with judgment
Occupied with harshness
Occupied with unkind thoughts
towards others.

There is a space within
where the darkness
of judgment used to live.

Judgement lives
here no more.
Evicted.
It has been.

There is a space within.

A soft space of love
of compassion
of empathy
of understanding.

For a journey
of a thousand miles has
been lived with
the understanding
that each one of us
has traveled a similar journey.

To be sure,
not the same journey.
No, not the same.
That matters not.

Each has traveled a journey
of a thousand miles.

And each viewed not
according to their journey,
yet viewed with eyes
that flow from the heart.

A heart that knows the two
are connected,
viewed with eyes flowing
from the heart that only
knows unconditional love.

Eyes wide open to
the Truth of each one’s journey.

The Truth that judgment of another is
simply a reflection of judgment
held within one towards oneself.

There is a space within,
a space that was once filled with
the darkness of judgement.

A space that is now
available for compassion
and love for one’s self and others.

Space to breath easier
Space to live easier
space to live peacefully
Space to allow all to BE
and travel the paths chosen.

There’s a space within
a Beautiful Space.

May we all release
and expose this space within
for the Beauty it reveals.

July 2021 Update – So many more judgments have been released since this writing and poem. It’s hard to believe just how many judgments were hiding in the nooks and crannies of my mind. Each time I find them, I educate myself, and release. And you know what? Each time I release judgments, it lightens the load, paving the way to an easier time of being a kind human. 

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 19 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 15 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Throwback Post: The Bones I Drag Home

**THROWBACK POST**

June 10 2018:

My heart overflows with gratitude to all of you for cheering me on and supporting me with the bones I drag home!! It means more than could ever be expressed with mere words and IS the fuel that keeps me going during times of discouragement.

Thank you for getting it and thank you for knowing that your comments, likes, shares, and cheers light my world when I need it and even when I don’t need it.

This “thank you” was sparked by the attached passage I read this morning in a book titled, Walking in This World by Julia Cameron. She talks about all forms of art; including writing. Oceans of love to all of you! xoxo

Walking in this World Book Pages 6.10.18 #1 Walking in this World Book Pages 6.10.18 #2

**UPDATE June 29 2021** – I’m happy I came across this draft post from 2018. It is timeless in my opinion. An artist is partly fueled by encouraging feedback from others. Such a meaningful post! 

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 19 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 15 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Throwback Post: Living in a Tiny Home Adventures – Eight Months

**THROWBACK POST**

April 2016

In late August 2015 I moved Team TLC into a 1 bedroom, 1 bath 810 square foot condo. If you are new to this blog or the tiny-home-adventures blog series, go here to read the first post titled, Living in a Tiny Home Adventures. It’s been about three months since the last update.

Since the last update we’ve rearranged Thomas’ “room”. He is now sleeping on the Japanese style floor bed in the bedroom with Lillian and I. He still loves the floor bed too! Here are a few pictures of his room without the floor bed:

Seven months later …

November 27 2016

Tree and decorations to match tiny home living …. Simple and minimal …. Well into our second year in this lovely tiny home ….. Love, love, love …. xoxo

It’s actually easy once one decides this is what one wants … Less stuff, less space to heat and cool, less space to keep clean, less space to fill up with stuff, less time put into “working” to pay for more space … AND discovering how to get along with and live in harmony with those closest to you. It’s actually opened the door for much growth for all of us.

Here’s a few blog posts I wrote about it when we first moved into the place … https://camilladowns.com/?s=tiny+home&submit=Search

**May 2021 Update** We lived in that sweet little home from August 2015 – November 2019. It was an adventure, an experience to remember, with many milestones reached and achieved during our time there.

November 2019 saw us moving into a bit larger space of 910 square feet. Just enough to add an extra bedroom and bathroom (2 bedroom/2 bath). We truly needed the extra space, with two teenagers needing their own space. I share my bedroom with the living room, so I have a really large bedroom!!

I have no regrets for the decision I made in 2015, for it taught us how to improvise and to make things work with what we had.

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 19 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 15 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Throwback Post: Every Breath We Take is a Miracle

**THROWBACK POST**

July 23 2015:

View from Little Washoe Lake yesterday …

I share these words from the heart space, a place of compassion and love and of wanting the same for all of you. I have been practicing Loving Life and letting Life Love me in return. Some of this has to do with loving-kindness for one’s self, some to do with loving each other, the Earth, nature, and animals.

Life really loved on me yesterday. I embraced some fears yesterday morning, knowing that they are a part of me and not trying to push them away or crush them. I just let them be and in turn they did not stop me!

Then I went on to have an absolutely wonderful day. Found out that we would be able to stay in Salt Lake City from Friday to Friday as we originally planned and would not have to cut it short. I had loving interactions with everyone I came across … at Mill Street Tire getting the oil changed and tires rotated, an impromptu stop to see a friend, and getting Thomas a haircut.

As we were checking out at Whole Foods, two women came up to me and thanked me over and over again for the kindness of my son as he had helped them get something they could not reach (I was not aware of this.). Thomas was confused on the drive home and kept asking why they kept thanking him (and me).

Then when we got home, I had a message asking if I’d be interested in contributing a 2,000-4,000 word article to a multidisciplinary government journal having to do with intellectual disabilities. Later, I began to feel guilty. I chose to connect with that feeling, to see what I needed to learn from it. I learned that when good things happen, I begin to feel I am not worthy.

Well, not anymore. I am worthy and so are YOU! We do not have to accomplish spectacular things, be a certain way, look a certain way, have a certain amount of money and prestige. And, if you have all those things … You are worthy too! We are all worthy, because we are breathing and every breath we take is a miracle. Love is indeed the answer … xoxo …

**Update April 19 2021 – What an amazing journey I’ve been on. It’s wild how difficult it can be to like ourselves, to believe we are worthy, to not see ourselves in the worst light. I moved through the worst of this, leaving it behind with the dawn of 2020. However, I still have days, weeks even, where I question my worthiness.

I suppose that’s simply a component of being human. I witness as my beautiful 15 year old son has these same struggles, and feelings. May he, may all of us, stop being so hard on ourselves, and come to know how precious, beautiful and worthy we are. xoxo (Here’s the article I was asked to contribute – 

My Journey With Intellectual Disability and Relationships – A Short Memoir

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 19 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 15 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.