Poetry: Arrivederci

March 23 2024


So long

I just can’t stand the pain
There’s a non-stop herd of elephants
Stampeding across my heart


I’m leaving
I’ve done all I can

The disappointment that keeps getting delivered
Fractures my heart into a trillion pieces
My nervous system simply
Cannot take the rise and fall,
The dopamine hits
Of the delicious intense encounters
And the heart breaking let down
Of disappointment


I’m headed to the craft store
To buy glue, steel, and comfort

I’ll glue the pieces of my heart
Back together,
Melting the steel
Into the crevices
Smooshing in words of comfort, strength,
and resilience
More glue,
More melted steel
More words

So long

I’ll calm the elephants stampeding
Across my heart
I’ll take the love that has hit a dead end
The love that has no where to go

I’ll feed it to the elephants
Pouring the love into them,
Onto them, over them
Until they slowly calm
Inhaling the love with their snouts
Wrapping me in their herd
Taking me into their trust
Showering me with that same love

Showering me, rocking me with their love
Until my heart has healed
Reviving my ability to love
Showering until my light returns
Until the joy returns

They disperse
I disperse
Having a fortified heart
Feeling calm, peaceful

Dare I say
Ready to do it
All over again

That is, of course,
After this process has
Repeated from
Five to five hundred and fifty five times

So long

Camilla Downs 2024

Monday Night Poetry – Filling My Cup

March 23 2024

Monday Night Poetry filled my cup to overflowing! 🩷🩷🩷

Thank you Paolo, Isis, Levi, Jesse, Fredley, Caleb and a few others whose names I cannot remember (sorry!) for the hugs and holding space for me to share what I needed to share.

If you’ve followed my writing for some time, you know that I write to process life experiences. Nearly 100% of the time, I feel much better afterwards as it helps me to get on the other side of it.

Everyone at Monday Night Poetry instinctively understood that I was not asking for advice. I just needed to get this out of my head, heart, and body. And I needed comfort by way of hugs. That’s it.

I appreciate this wonderful group of creative folks so damn much! 💋💋💋


Breathing a Huge Sigh of Relief

March 21 2024

It is done!! 🎉 Two hours of reviewing and signing. I’m so freaking excited to have this off my to do list. Thank you André Sam!! 🙌🙌🙌

(I mean, I still have pretty much no assets, nor money. But this gets everything ready for future abundance, and most importantly, gets everything as it needs to be for Lillian once I’m done dancing on Earth.)

Throwback Post: Fabulous Teacher with a Sand Harbor Adventure


September 24 2013:

Thomas told me this morning that he wants to be a teacher. I asked him why and he said Mrs. Nicole always looks like she’s having so much fun (his teacher). And she’s friends with all of the students. This touched my heart so … almost made my eyes sweat! She IS a fabulous teacher indeed and he is right on … She is having the time of her life spending her days with these kids …. She shines and it’s obvious she is so happy! Both Thomas and Lillian have had the experience of having the opposite kind of person as a teacher and I am so very blessed and grateful for Mrs. Nicole and her beautiful light! xoxo

September 24 2011:

Off for an adventure!!

Here’s where we ended up!!! Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!! Lake Tahoe – Sand Harbor

Throwback Post: Here’s to Celebrating


September 22 2015

Here’s to creating and letting go of those creations. Making way for new creations. Nothing ever really ends. It just changes form. xoxo

Celebratory walk around the lake after the celebration dinner. So beautiful … xoxo

Throwback Post: These Can Be Anything You Can Imagine


October 5 2015:

Cooked spaghetti squash tonight. Thomas liked it so much he wanted to eat the skin! Can’t wait for him to taste butternut squash.

Then we went for an after dinner walk. Thomas says, “This is so fun. These rocks can be anything you can imagine.” We found a love seat for 3, the helm of a ship, a castle, a bed, chairs, and tables. xoxo