The Overwhelming Kindness of Others

January 23 2023

I have amazing news to share. On Saturday we were gifted a vehicle! A friend’s neighbor hasn’t been able to drive her car for about a year. My friend explained to her what had happened to our car and asked how much she wanted for it.

My friend messaged me in tears to tell me that her neighbor wanted to gift me the car. 😭 Then I was in tears, too! 😭 I went to see her on Saturday. She would not accept any money from me and I came home in the gifted vehicle.

It’s taken me since Saturday to accept that this happened. You would think I would have been elated! However, I waxed and waned between feeling like I didn’t deserve this, being grateful for it, and thinking people would think I’d taken advantage of this beautiful, kind woman.

Thank you so much to everyone who shared encouraging thoughts, sent love and hugs, shared your stories, and who donated! It means the world!! 🥰😍🥰

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 21 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 17 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Loving Kindness and Compassion – Thank You

January 18 2023

The sky this afternoon. I wonder what tonight’s weather has in store?

Thank you for the loving kindness. I’ve written this sentence many times over the past couple of days. Last night I read a passage in a book I’m re-reading that stood out. I thought I’d share it with you.

“Loving-kindness is bringing happiness to other persons; compassion means relieving their suffering. The key that opens the door to loving-kindness and compassion is our capacity to understand our own suffering and difficulties, and the suffering and difficulties of others.”

I’m deeply grateful to everyone who has shared love, hugs, kind words, and donated. Your loving kindness and compassion mean so very much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. xoxo

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-team-tlc-get-a-car

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 21 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 17 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

The Crash that Interrupted the Vegetable Soup

January 14 2023

This is a delicious vegetable and bean soup I made on Monday, January 2nd. I never posted it, and have been quiet on social media since then.

I’ve had to work through embarrassment, guilt and shame before sharing with everyone. During a break between storms on the evening of January 2nd, the roads were clear and it had stopped snowing.

I decided it would be okay to take Thomas to a previously scheduled evening appointment. Our car is a 2 wheel drive, with the option to shift into 4 wheel drive so winter weather has never been a problem.

While Thomas was in his appointment, it began to snow. On the drive back the car began to malfunction, slipping out of 4 wheel drive. We were nearly home when I lost control of the car on ice. Miraculously we slid across the 4 lanes of highway without hitting another car, and without a car hitting us.

The car slammed into the highway barrier. Airbags deployed but we were fine, other than getting punched in the face with the airbags. The damn car was still running after all that!

I was knocked silly and couldn’t think straight. Thomas. That amazing person. He was on top of it. He said something like, “Okay. We’re breathing. We’re both conscious. Nothing is broken. But, I’m bleeding. Should I call 911?” (The airbag scratched his face.) Remsa checked us out. We all decided there was no need to go to the hospital.

Highway patrol stopped traffic so I could get to the other side of the shoulder as I was facing oncoming traffic on the opposite shoulder.

Once they saw the car was operable, they escorted me to the mall parking lot where Remsa finished checking us. I was so close to our place, the patrol officer said it was okay to drive the car home.

The car looks absolutely fine from behind. But it is totaled. I had a mechanic come look at it yesterday, and it’s not worth it to fix. The front end shifted by about a foot! It still runs though! It is a beast! Ha!

I’ve had this car since 2008 – fourteen years! It came into our life when we had been without a car for nearly two years. I had planned on passing it to Thomas this summer. I’ve had to grieve over my plans getting screwed, and now I have to buy a new car. I really needed to wait until I had finished paying for Thomas’s orthodontic work, and dental work I’ve been having done. Grrrr!

I had to keep reminding myself that Thomas and I came home that night, and walked into our house. That was truly a blessing. We had some incredibly scary looking bruises, but they have healed. I took photos of my bruises, and fat lip; which I shared with mom and Frank. I don’t want to trigger anyone with the photos though.

Why have I had to process embarrassment, guilt, and shame? Those of you who know me, know that it’s been a journey for me to not feel this way when things go wrong, or don’t go as I planned.

These were consistent feelings for me as a child, growing up, and into adulthood. A few years ago, I finally got to a place where I had released most of that. However, this was an unexpected, crisis situation. There was no stopping those feelings.

I usually end these personal kinds of posts saying something like I’m not posting for sympathy. That’s the case with this one, too. But I really don’t know why I’m sharing this. I guess just because my heart wanted to share. I do welcome love, hugs, and positive thoughts about my finances.

Who knows? Maybe there’s something in this long winded post that speaks to someone??!!
xoxo

I want to add that after about 10 years of chronic economic anxiety, I have a difficult time making a huge financial decision. I swing between being impulsive and indecisive with the what ifs swirling in my thoughts like a tornado. It is exhausting, with having gone through the day in a foggy soup of decisiveness and indecisiveness.

Add to this my current health difficulties and this neurodivergent brain, life has me in not a very good place mentally. Thank you to everyone for the love and support. xoxo

I’ve had to ask for help so many times throughout these years, I feel like folks have had enough of me! But at the urging of friends and after working through even more embarrassment, guilt and shame, I’m asking for help.

If I could get Thomas’s orthodontist bill paid off, I would be able to afford a car payment.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-team-tlc-get-a-car

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-team-tlc-get-a-car

Thank you so much to everyone who has shared loving kindness, words of support, virtual hugs, and donated. It is deeply appreciated!

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 21 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 17 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Happy New Year 2023 from Team TLC

December 31 2022

Homemade hummus, sliceable cashew cheese, and queso done. Having our annual spread a bit earlier this year. ❄️❄️❄️

And it’s still snowing. ❄️❄️❄️ This is the most snow our lil balcony has ever seen. 👀👀👀

That’s it for us. I’m headed to bed, turning the lights out on 2022. Happy New Year from Team TLC!! 🎉 🥳🎉

An Afternoon of Chocolate and Speculoos Cookies

December 31 2022

It was a fun afternoon yesterday. My friend Jessica and her husband Martin are visiting from The Netherlands.

We had a lovely chat while sharing coffee, hot chocolate, speculoos cookies, and chocolate. An afternoon overflowing with treats!

Jessica hand delivered the portrait she made of Team TLC along with a few delicious goodies. ❤️❤️❤️

Throwback Post: The Evolution of a Coincidence

**THROWBACK POST**

January 24 2018:

Coincidences? Do you see them as signs or messages? Or just something random that happened?


(Camilla and Lillian at Washoe Lake – 2014)

On the Lillian and Camilla date day yesterday, I was only going to buy one order of parmesan, sea salt fries and share them with Lillian.

Not because I wasn’t hungry. It’s just what finances dictate at the moment. When we picked up our fries, we were told they made double the order of fries and so sorry, but the box would not close. No worries! We’ll fix that!

We ended our date with a stop at Kohl’s to get Lillian some new undies. That girl is growing! She grows slow, but it happens!

She has sensory difficulties and when one finds clothing that does not irritate, one must stick with that brand and style! Well, they aren’t cheap either! $25 for 3 pairs. She needed two packages of 3 pairs.

I had a coupon for 15% off that had just expired by about two days. The cashier let me use it anyway and I had a $5 off coupon on my phone, but my phone decided to go dead while in the store.

The lady behind us said she had the same coupon on her phone and we could use it as she wasn’t going to need it. We had returned Christmas gifts that didn’t work out and had money from that. So, for $12 we got $50 worth of undies! Wahoooo!!!

I choose to believe that coincidences are not random happenings. With choosing to believe this, I notice them happening more often, and they inspire and encourage me, and add fuel to the core of my being. I make something my intent .. And the coincidences line up so that what I intend comes to fruition. And, so it is. Bring me more please … xoxo

**December 2022 Update** – About 7 years of economic anxiety. That’s how long this lasted. It ended in the beginning of 2020, but it definitely took a toll on my mental health. I completed crashed in 2020, finally not having to worry and struggle nearly every single day. 

Honestly, we still live below poverty level. But when you go from no income to some income, it’s like you’ve won the lottery! I’m grateful I had taken the time to put myself in a place of being able to gracefully move through all of those years. 

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 21 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 17 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

 

Throwback Post: Letting Go of the Thoughts and Stories

**THROWBACK POST**

January 19 2016:

Yesterday I let go of “The Desk” (the new term we’ve coined for my desk that’s been in storage limbo since June 2015). The Desk was handmade for me some time around 1999. I spent countless hours at that desk. The Desk witnessed many moves, life happenings, and events.

One day last week I had a strong knowing that I was to let it go. Not only that, but I knew the exact person who was to receive The Desk. I related this to a quote that had crossed my path last week.

“Make like a tree and let the dead leaves drop.” – Rumi 

 

The Desk had become a “dead leaf” for me. I chose to let it go so as to create new fertile ground for creativity and imagination. What had become a dead leaf for me has now created new grounds for the creativity and imagination of a friend; for she had to let go of her own “dead leaves” to make way for the new.

Before I had the strong knowing that I was to let go of The Desk, I was struggling with doing just that. One moment I had confusion, the next moment I knew that since there was such confusion about it, I must let it go.

Thomas and I delivered it to her on Monday and it was let go with no regrets. We had fun doing it too! Laughing and giggling while getting the desk on a handtruck, pushing it to the car, and getting it into our little Rosey.

Sharing this with love and encouragement that you let go of thoughts, stories, or material items so as to make way for the new.

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 21 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 17 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest News: Whispers of Christmas

December 12 2022

This shadow caught me eye. Gave a couple of others a chance to show their shadow, too. Cool!

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 21 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 17 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest New: Do the Kind Things

December 10 2022

You know those times when you impulsively do something kind and then afterward you question yourself. Thinking that what you did was stupid, and may be received as creepy. Please try to allow the doubt to move on through. It’s just a lie. Do the kind things. Gotta go. My eyes are leaking liquid love. ❤️❤️❤️

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 21 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 17 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

News: The Rawness of Being a Caregiver

November 17 2022

The Nevada Caregivers Coalition hosted a webinar last month on Independent Living Options which I missed due to an appointment for Lillian. I listened to it today, and had myself some long overdue sobbing.

Don’t get me wrong. It was an informative and great session. I encourage anyone who is interested to have a listen.

This caregiving role can feel so overwhelming at times. Especially when you are the sole person in charge of deciding what to do, how to proceed, and then doing it. I’m emotionally and mentally exhausted at this point. I’m still recovering from the Great Burnout of 2019 and 2020. 🤪🙃🤪

I’m not sharing for sympathy. I’m sharing for those who may need to hear this message (myself included). It’s okay to not be strong, to have sad days, to sob ’til there are no tears left, to let yourself feel the absolute utter shit show that life can be. Feel that shit, let it out, let it move through your body. I’m with you. 😍🥰😍

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 21 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 17 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.