July 3 2025

This week has been full, with moments of quiet and slowness.

Watched: The Last Night at Tremore Beach, a Spanish limited series. This one took me between frustration with some of the characters, to on the edge of my seat, to an intense drive to figure out what the hell was happening. Great series!

Watched Winter’s Bone, although a sad story, I enjoyed the acting and the sheer grit of the teen sibling determined to take care of her young siblings and disabled mom.

Watched The Electric State, mainly because I’m a Millie Bobby Brown fan after watching Stranger Things. This seemed like it had good potential with a great story. It had some unique aspects, but left me unsatisfied.

Watched Memento, and it was a wild. You’re left not really knowing what’s happening. Really cool.

Walked: I went for walk in Curti Ranch and the Damonte Ranch wetland loop; which I hadn’t visited in a year or two.

Read: Still reading Why Poetry. This is such a fantastic book.

Read: Window, a story contained in The Weird – A Compendium of Strange and Dark Stories volume that we used for the Craft & Writing Horror Workshop last semester. I just randomly opened the book and read the story I landed on. This is a great story with a sci fi feel to it.

Listened to: Driving around running errands and going to appointments, I listened to Faded by Miki Rae, Evil Woman by Electric Light Orchestra, Get on the Good Foot by James Brown, Paradise City by Guns N’Roses, I Love Rock ’N Roll by Joan Jett, Tall Drink by Mike Clark & the Sugar Sounds, and Everybody Wants You by Billy Squier.

Wrote: I polished and submitted three poems to Pleiades. I’m going to get as many submissions as possible done before the fall semester begins. Hoping to have 1-3 submissions accepted that I can use when applying for the MFA program.

Health and Body: Last Wednesday night I got a severe toothache in a tooth that has been giving me problems on and off. I knew I may eventually need a root canal in this tooth. That time had come. So this Tuesday I had a root canal. Bleh! But I have absolutely no pain now, so it was a lightening fast recovery.

I’ve been having anxiety and worry about a summer math class that is set to begin July 21st. It’s a core requirement so I’ve got to take it so I can graduate Spring 2026. Well, that happens to be the same week we’ll be at conference, so I would miss the entire 1st week of a 5 week compressed class. I could take it in the fall but that would make for 4 days at UNR, taking 5 classes in person. So this weekend I got online to check one more time for any college in Nevada offering this math class online. Success! Found one. I’ve registered to take it in the fall. I’ll still have 5 classes, but at least this one will be online. One item off my worry plate!

It was Lillian’s turn for a haircut this time. I drove her to The Beauty Project on Monday afternoon for a trim. She always likes to get a fresh cut before conference.

Rant: I’m also worried about this vile bill that the US Republicans are trying to pass. A brief explanation for anyone interested follows.

Medicaid is more than healthcare. Lillian receives Home & Community Based Services (HCBS) through her disabled medicaid. The rules to qualify are rigorous. There is no one taking advantage of this. How could they? There are multiple, confusing steps and there must be a diagnosis that qualifies. It is heavily monitored once approved.

This allows me to work part-time so that I can be Lillian’s Shared Living Provider, allowing her to be integrated into the community. This means that I case manage her life. I make appointments, take her to them, assist her with tasks she cannot do on her own. I make calls, I track her medical records, I take her to local events. This is essentially a more than full time job.

If this bill passes, cutting over $1 trillion from Medicaid, this service (HCBS) gets eliminated. I would have to find full time work. What happens to Lillian? I cannot work two full time jobs, she would have to enter a group home, of which we only have a few in Reno. This takes her out of the community. What happens to Lillian?

Now, multiply Lillian times the thousands of parents and caregivers who are in this role for their disabled loved one. There is more to this than what I share. However, I want to keep it short so folks will read it. This will essentially remove thousands of people with disabilities from their communities, hiding them away. Are we making America great by bringing back eugenics? Do you care?

Please call your congress person and tell them to vote Hell No. If you’re in the same area as me:

Mark Amodei
DC: 202-225-6155
Reno: 775-686-5760

Lillian – 2016 (Age 15)

See you next week, or the next, or the next … Thank you for reading my writings and for subscribing!

June 28 2025

(Originally posted on my Substack – https://camilladowns.substack.com/)

Welcome to this new weekly (maybe) installment. Please let me know if you think this will be too much for your inbox; receiving this weekly share in addition to my Friday essay or poem. Since this will be inconsistent and not necessarily covering only a week, or even the week in which I share it, I’m titling it, Freeze Frame.

Watched: The Lighthouse. This is one wild movie. I still don’t know what happened. Were both men crazy? Was one of them hallucinating? Or both?

Watched I Saw the TV Glow. I first heard about this movie from a fellow student in my script writing class. I was intrigued as she was emphatic about the greatness of this movie. I also came across an instagram post a few days ago discussing the film. It was a pretty good movie about feeling different, like you’re not really in your body and time moving weirdly, along with the possibility of other dimensions. The two main characters felt like real people. I’ve watched some shows and films where I could not related to characters as they behaved in ways that no person would behave.

Watched Prospect. I watched this because I love a good sci-fi and adore Pedro Pascal. It was good. Kept my attention with touching on our ability to trust others and speaking to human’s desire to remove precious materials (and fight over it) from any world, not just Earth.

Watched Vesper. I watched this one as it’s about Earth’s eco-system having been destroyed, and biohacking wrapped into a sci-fi theme and feel. I really liked this one, too. I love that the teen girl is strong and intelligent, and moved to help the population that is banned from entering the areas where the elite live.

Watched the series, Dept. Q. I love a good mystery. Make it a grumpy British detective and I’m hooked! I hope there’s more seasons of this one.

Walked: I went for walk at Virginia Foothills Park; which I haven’t visited in a year or two. I was down in the dumps, deeply sad. I haven’t been for a walk outside of my complex since last fall, before fall semester began at UNR. I went to bed deeply sad last night, woke up the same. Between this lovely, much needed walk, and a therapy session where we dug into what was triggering the sadness, I’m feeling better.

I am deeply grateful to my therapist and her use of EMDR therapy. We unpacked some deep stuff, traveled back to 5th grade, and I made a decision to honor my feelings; and to stop doing things for fear that I will miss out, or be excluded. And the big one, to stop creating solely to receive recognition. Damn if that stuff isn’t tied to sweet lil 5th grade Camilla.

Read: Finished Trumpet by Jackie Kay. I really like Jackie Kay’s writing style, and I love this story.

Listened to: Driving around running errands, I listened to Shake it Up by The Cars, Venus by Bananarama, The Glamorous Life by Sheila E., Got to Be Real by Cheryl Lynn, Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Queen, Whoomp! (There It Is) by Tag Team, and Give Me One Reason by Tracy Chapman.

Wrote: No fresh writing other than this. I did make a decision to recenter myself as far as my writing goes. I have been forcing myself to write poetry. And the results have been way less than stellar. It seems I let myself move away from writing because I needed to say something, or needed to get something outside of myself. I had unconsciously shifted to writing to receive acknowledgment. Not at all why I began to write in the first place. So I’m beginning with this weekly Freeze Frame essay. It may dwindle to nothing when fall semester begins, but I will be writing as I’m taking poetry and creative non-fiction.

Tasted: I ordered a Reuben sandwich and Belgian fries from a (new to me) Austrian restaurant, Edelweiss Pub. The best damn fries I think I have ever had! The Reuben was unlike any Reuben I’ve ever had, and was delicious!

Health and Body: After filing a complaint with Renown in regard to the rejection of my cardiologist’s referral to hematology, and some back and forth, I finally received a message that I can schedule an appointment now. I simply need my iron levels to be monitored since I’ve had to have an iron infusion two times in the last few years.

I also finally got Lillian’s iron infusion scheduled!! That took much time, advocating, and back and forth, too. Now to get her referral to the hematologist addressed which was also denied. I filed a complaint for that also.

I got a pretty drastic haircut. I’ve not had bangs in nearly 30 years. So I got bangs and a shag cut. I’m not quite sure how to deal with bangs anymore so I’ve just been pinning them down. And I actually like them that way. I don’t think I like hair touching my forehead. Ha!

See you next week, or the next, or the next … Thank you for reading my writings and for subscribing!