How Writing Helps Me With Parenting

Writing has been a sanity saving bridge which has led from processing parenting experiences to peace and solutions. Single parenting two children led me on a journey for which I have no map. Through writing, I create the map as I travel this wild and wonderful parenting safari.

My parenting journey has included many life lessons disguised as sinkholes, road blocks, and dead ends. My daughter, Lillian, was diagnosed at age 3 years old with a rare condition called 18p-. This chromosome deletion only affects 1 in 56,000 people. Her sibling, Thomas, is a strong willed empath who either speaks his mind or holds how he feels inside until he explodes. In 2006 I became a single parent to them, lost nearly everything, and was forced to file bankruptcy.

I have been single parenting Thomas and Lillian for the past twelve years. Lillian is 17 years old now and the main way that 18p- affects her is an inability to articulate words, anxiety, chronic pain, irrational fears, and difficulty processing strong emotions. Thomas is 13 years old with his own difficulties of being a sibling to Lillian and puberty has hit him full throttle.

Writing led me to peace and acceptance of my role as parent to these two unique and beautiful children. Writing brought peace and solid steps to take in regards to medical issues, schooling, and emotional challenges faced by Thomas and Lillian. In some situations, writing was not the only factor; yet, it has been a shining thread of grace that connected my heart and mind along this parenting journey. And still is.

Several factors led to a loosely held practice of writing every day. When I became a single parent I intuitively felt moved to learn the practice of mindfulness, meditation, and journaling.

My practice of going for a walk three times a week also solidified into a committed practice of noticing and immersing in nature. All of these practices combined with the writing practice opened my eyes to a different style of parenting, a more focused and connected style.

My laptop became the couch I rest upon; while writing of my experiences became the therapist. This also serves as a tool for me to sync with life and for giving myself feedback for those experiences. Writing became an avenue to connect with and release the myriad of emotions and experiences of parenting.

The writing becomes an observer of my experiences. One that allows me to step away from the situation by pouring my heart onto the digital pages. I feel we all know in our heart the solution to tough parenting situations; or at the least, what would be the better of available options.

Although I choose to publicly share much of my experiences through writing, one does not have to write with the intention of sharing with others. The very act of writing about experiences and feelings is deeply therapeutic. There are many writing practices from which to choose. Writing with pencil and paper, using a laptop, writing in the morning, in the evening, in silence, while listening to music, at home, in a cafe, in nature … You get the idea.

The how, when and where is a completely personal preference. The portion of the practice I have found to work best for me and those I have mentored is to first get centered in one’s heart. If you find yourself stumbling and no words flowing; this is a sign you are still centered in your mind.

Take three long, deep breaths and gently release whatever thoughts you may be having. Begin to write about the parenting issue facing you. Write about your feelings and thoughts on the issue. Once you feel finished with this portion, stop for a moment. Take three long, deep breaths once again dropping your focus into the heart.

Next, write these six words … “What do I need to know?” Don’t hesitate. Just write. Write until the words are no longer flowing. Write no matter how wacky or scary this may seem. Write no matter what crazy thoughts come to mind. Write those too.

For some of you this may not be concrete enough and seem like “fluff”; and for you, it simply may not work. Yet, I’m betting that more than half of those who try this will at least feel at peace with the situation and at most know what actions to take that are in everyone’s highest and best interest.

I have experienced parenting guidance in this way and have seen others receive peace and guidance as well. If you aren’t accustomed to writing, it may take a while to grease the writing wheels. Don’t give up. Try it for at least a month. No one has to see what you write. Delete it, tear it up, shred it, crumple and stomp on it, burn it, eat it, whatever.

Write. Write and watch the transformation of becoming a more connected and focused parent. Not only that. Write and watch the transformation as you begin to trust yourself and become more at peace with life.

©2019 Camilla Downs

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here.

Wonderfully exciting news! My 13 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Go here to see latest soul writings. xoxo

Short Story: The Three Gifts

Recently, I opened my email to send a message and in the next few moments, I had landed on this short story I wrote in May 2018. It was adapted from an experience I had in October 2017.

Although I shared the experience in October 2017, I had never shared this version. I landed on it for some reason just now; so sharing with all of you. xoxo

Robert Caney (British, 1847 – 1911 ), Lake Scene with Fairies and Swans, , watercolor and gouache over black chalk on blue-green board, Joseph F. McCrindle Collection 2009.70.70

The Three Gifts

“You are stupid, you are alone, and you have no idea what you are doing.” This is the message that resurfaced and repeated over and over again like a jackhammer breaking concrete. The year 2017 had thus far been a turbulent one of stirring the pot of childhood memories. In her forty-seventh year of life, she found herself stuck repeating unhealthy and fearful patterns that kept her from living the life of which she was worthy and deserving.

She had adopted a meditation practice ten years earlier as she felt called to incorporate this into her life. It was during one such meditation session that she received three messages which eventually led to freedom from the past.

One December evening as she gently opened her eyes from a deep meditation, she saw three ghost like figures draped in delicate sheer muslin.

She slowly stood and with thinly veiled fear she approached the first figure which loomed tall and broad. With her mind and heart, she asked what it had to impart to her.

From deep within her heart, she felt an intuitive knowing that in order to learn the message she must lift the muslin from the larger than life figure. The fear had welled to a point where she knew if something didn’t happen to halt it, the anxiety would overtake her mind.

With trembling hands she delicately and slowly lifted the muslin. With utter surprise and sheer awe she saw that the figure held the message of strength and was only patiently waiting for her to retrieve this gift. She saw this with her mind and heart for this was not a message one could see with the eyes.

The figure handed her a small black cube which she instinctively knew was to be absorbed by her entire body. She heard with her mind, and not her ears, the following message: “For I will be your strength. It is I who move you to take action that you know not why you are moved to take. This cube represents the strength that has always been within your heart.”

A lifetime of emotional neglect, abandonment, and betrayal had ingrained within her that she was not strong and should not advocate for what she believed in her heart. By absorbing the gifted cube, she would release all that she had boxed within. She felt like a rehabilitated animal set free into the wilds of its natural habitat. She claimed this gift of strength and knew it would never leave her.

With conviction she approached the next figure which had an air of complexity and wisdom. With much less timid hands she lifted the muslin. This figure revealed to her how deep judgments about life, other beings, and nature had been encoded in her DNA.

The figure lifted a nearly transparent hand to reveal a bronze colored pendant in the shape of a heart. She knew she was to absorb this within so as to melt the misguided judgments about life, other beings, and nature.

She claimed this gift of enlightenment and knew it to be the way to live one’s life upon this Earth.

With deepened confidence she approached the last figure which felt feminine and nurturing. As she approached she could already feel the weight of this message and the knowing it would impart.

She slowly lifted the muslin. What met her eyes was a history of angry peoples who fought one another with a mighty and violent force.

With two nearly transparent hands the figure reached into her chest and extracted a heart that was alive with nature. All of nature was contained within this heart.

She again instinctively knew she was to absorb the heart into her own. She would be among those who live life differently. She would not live an angry life and would not fight with a mighty and violent hand.

She is to meet all of life with love, she is to meet all experiences with love, all that life presents so that she can move forward in life’s journey with love.

Not only that she is to be a friend and protector of trees and nature. She is to meet injustice done to trees and nature with love and peace knowing that those who cause harm know not what they do.

She claimed this gift of love and knew the bond it contained and created with nature and all of life. She knew in her heart and soul that she had been given her life back. A life that began to be taken from her as a small young one in this life. Yet, much farther back in another life. It was time. She was ready to accept these gifts, ready to have the veil of illusion lifted once and for all.

With each message received, the delivering figure faded into the shadows of the dimly lit room. She was left alone with the gifts received. Yet, she did not feel alone. What she felt was a palpable air of love and peace.

Before this experience it felt as if her heart had been a dry well, empty of love for an eternity. Now, after the encounter with the muslin covered figures, she knew and felt her heart had been quenched and drenched with a liquid love that ever replenishes each time she communes with nature.

She exited the meditation room having been healed and with an air of courage, peace, and knowing to live the life she was meant to live.

Visit here to read the original post and how it was sparked by a guided meditation while attending An Alchemist Theatre event.

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is arriving January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 13 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Go here to see latest soul writings. xoxo

Why I Choose to Walk Into Darkness

**THROWBACK POST with an Update**

February 13 2015:

“Until your knees finally hit the floor, you’re just playing at life, and on some level you’re scared because you know that you’re just playing. The moment of surrender is not when life is over. It’s when life begins.” -Marianne Williamson

Camilla's Vision Board 2015
(2015 Vision Board with Meditation as a theme word for the year)

The year 2014 was a year of the knees slowly hitting the floor, culminating with a smack down slamming of those knees the last three months of 2014. Deep fears and negative emotions were faced and released like never before.

I began January 2015 with an intent to focus on meditation and love and have stuck to that. I knew that the solutions and answers were inside of me and no where else. I’m nearing the end of a 3 week intensive meditation exercise of meditating for an hour and a half every day.

A miracle has happened as I’ve been opening a heart that went into hiding as a young girl. Love is indeed a magical charm! Meditate on. Love on. xoxo

Thomas and Camilla January 2017 Date Day Part 2 1.31.17 #4

**Update** March 1 2017:  Just when I thought that 2014 was the culmination of the knees hitting the floor! There was more and deeper work to be done. Definitely not because it is fun. I had been harboring deeply buried hurts, pain, anger, and guilt from my childhood. I am currently in the fourth week of an intense five session reflexology and energy work course.

It has been literally kicking my butt. Seriously, physically painful …. Like, I thought I was dying two weekends ago. Holy heck! What webs we weave to not feel uncomfortable feelings.

Yet, absolutely, totally, amazingly, and miraculously freeing … FREEDOM. I have chosen to walk into the fear of my past, my personal shadows and darkness. So as to live my life from each and every present moment; rather than reacting from the past. And, thereby creating my future from the present moments and NOT from the past.

YES!

Meditation is like drinking water for me. It is simply something that is vital to my well being.

I still meditate about four to five mornings a week between twenty to sixty minutes a session.

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Wonderfully exciting news! My 10 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer has arrived. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

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Emotions: Feel It

Ever had haunting thoughts that you missed something; that you had all these clues and didn’t put them together? Those thoughts that sweep over you and wrap around you like a dark storm cloud? I share this for anyone who needs it.

These words are like landmarks on a map. Landmarks that lead to a deep peace. The words are doing their work if they bring peace to anyone whose eyes and heart they touch.

Recently I had thoughts that I let something slip through the cracks back in 2006 concerning my daughter*, Lillian. In the midst of some huge life changes** I simply “forgot” something. As I began researching, a heavy feeling came over me. Heavy, dark, and sad, with the feeling I had done something wrong.

Thomas, my son, and Lillian could both sense something was wrong so I went to my room to change clothes. While there I burst into tears and cried with thoughts of how with this one piece of the Lillian puzzle I was right back where I was in 2006. I began to feel guilty and then like a victim and then angry ….. And …..

Then I chose to connect with these feelings. I breathed them in. I didn’t think about why I felt this way. I focused on the way it felt in my body. Heavy and tight. Within minutes the feeling lifted and I was in a peaceful, quiet state.

I realized that for whatever reason, the timing was not right for this path in 2006. I chose not to dwell on why or what if questions. This is now and that doesn’t exist any longer. Something that I would have let carry on for days or weeks in the past (or buried and ignored) was now learned from, felt and processed in half an hour.

Now, I embrace all emotions. They are me. They are us. My thoughts had changed. My perception had changed. I saw it differently. I had just experienced a miracle.

May you let yourself feel what you need to feel, connect with it and have your own miracle today! If you need guidance let me know. So much love to y’all!

Heartfuly Inspired™,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

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*Lillian is 13 years old and has a chromosome abnormality called 18p-; which means that she is missing a part of the short arm of chromosome #18. Learn more here.

**I separated from my husband in December 2006 and we were divorced in 2007.

You can learn more about this and my journey up through 2010 in the book, “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance.”

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