Category Archives: Mindful Living

I is for Improvise

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(Excerpt from my book, “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance”)

We all improvise on a daily basis. We just aren’t aware of it because it happens so naturally. When we have spontaneous conversations with people during our daily interactions we are improvising. Our dialogue is not “memorized” or practiced. Tapping into this natural improv skill has helped me in dealing with my kids and with not-so-great life situations.

People tell me it makes them tired just watching all the adventures my kids and I have. We really don’t do that much. It just seems that way to those on the outside of our little world. By nature, I am an introvert. I love staying home; but I also know I want my kids growing up learning that you can turn just about anything into an adventure. Be spontaneous. Making things up as we go along is the ultimate adventure. It may not be possible to do this all the time, but with practice you can incorporate it at every opportunity. Our kids will learn how to tap into their own improvisational skills the more they see us doing it. By our example, they will learn how to turn the everyday into an adventure and how to cope when things don’t go their way.

Recently we arrived at an event that my kids had been anticipating all day. As we got closer to the building we saw a line that snaked around the entire building. There was no way I was going to stand in that line. Fortunately, Thomas and Lillian agreed; but they were still disappointed. This was an opportunity to improvise and save the situation. On the way home we stopped at one of our favorite places in Reno, Audrey Harris Park. The earlier excitement in the car returned as we made our way. It’s not really much of a park. It’s very small, with only a couple of benches and it sits at the edge of a ridge. It’s a special place to us though. I am in love with the amazing view of Reno and the skyline which infuses me with peace and awe. I take joy in the drive there and the drive back home. Thomas and Lillian enjoy the view too. More than that, it has become a special place for the three of us as a family. What a great day!

Being a single parent to Thomas and Lillian has indeed been an adventure. In fact, my entire life is a great improvising adventure. Being that I am a procrastinator, with an added pinch of spontaneity, you could say that I am quite the adventure for my kids. Even though I make much of our escapades up as I go along, it is perfect, and I look forward with a happy, smiling heart to every single adventure yet to come for me and my little family.

Tip for the Journey:

Find some time during your day NOT to have a plan. No planned activity, no schedule to follow. Wait until that specific moment and ask yourself what you would like to do for the next hour or two. If you are with your kids, ask them what they would like to do, what kind of an adventure they would like to go on. Kids can come up with some pretty amazing ideas for adventures. Most likely you will not really be able to have the exact adventure they suggest, but this is where improvisation comes into play. As parents, we improvise all the time, and don’t even realize it; when a toy breaks, or the scissors are missing, or they want something to use as a ramp to play cars. You name it! Practice transferring this great skill to other areas to create peace in your life.

When we aren’t happy or not truly living in the present moment, it’s hard to improvise. Practice keeping yourself in the present moment. As often as possible repeat thoughts and activities that help you to pay attention to the present moment, experience joy, and be inspired. When you live in the present moment you are better equipped to tap into your improvising skills, be spontaneous, and go with it.

Heartfuly Inspired,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

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Fishing with Liam and Shifting My Perspective

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Meet little 3 year old Liam’s legs and feet. He and his mom sat next to me at Virginia Lake Park in early March. Liam was fishing and I fished with him. I caught a fish!!!

Liam Fishing March 2016 Virginia Lake Park

It was magical fishing with him!! He kept holding his breath, jumping off the bench into the water, and going down deep into those murky waters! We tried to catch shrimp as I told him that’s what I wanted for dinner. No luck. We only caught fish (hint: the pinecones are the fish!)

Joy, imagination, and nature … Magnificent!

I was in a grumpy mood when I sat down. Thomas and I were headed to a different location during our March 2016 date day when we passed this park. He asked if we could stop. I agreed and then let myself get grumpy about this unplanned stop.

I was sitting on the bench being impatient and ready to carry on with our planned stop, being judgmental of others at the park, being grumpy …. And. I prayed to see things differently. Then …..

Liam and his mom sat next to me. All we have to do is ask AND be open to receiving.

I was able let myself relax, go with the flow, BE in the moment, and enjoy this precious moment delivered by a wonderful 3 year old and his divine imagination.

Simply a reminder to let yourself be open to seeing things differently when you may most be in need of it. Allowing yourself to receive the joy of BEing in the present moments of life.

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Did you know I wrote a book? It’s titled “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance” and you can read more about it here.

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Surrender to the Moment

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“Always say ‘yes’ to the present moment… Surrender to what is. Say ‘yes’ to life – and see how life starts suddenly working for you rather than against you.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Thomas at Lake April 2016

One lesson I continue to get the opportunity to master is that of surrendering to the moment, to life circumstances. When I continue to say “no” to what’s happening and not want to be where I am or experiencing what I’m experiencing, it brings on the stress, the impatience, and un-lovely thoughts.

When I embrace where I am, I feel spaciousness and deep peace. By surrendering I do not mean resigning to the story through which I interpret the situation and the “why is this happening to me”.

I am extremely blessed and grateful to have learned the skills to shift this deep-seated mental habit. Skills such as mindfulness and emotional connection. By no means do I have this perfected, yet it gets easier and easier not to label situations as good or bad.

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” ~Buddha

For anyone who needs this …. I send you much love and encouragement as you find the way to your own deep peace …

Let me know how I can help. There are many mindfulness and emotional connection articles on my blog with specific steps I have used. If you’d like to schedule a “Coffee Chat Connection” or “Walk With Me”, go here. xoxo

Camilla at Damonte Ranch Trail Fall 2015

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Did you know I wrote a book? It’s titled “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance” and you can read more about it here.

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Listen to Your Heart

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“Listen to your heart. It knows everything.” ~Paul Coelho

Heart Shaped Leaf

I feel it’s important that we begin to listen to inner nudges, our gut, our heart, instincts, whatever word you use to describe that inner push. There is a reason we are being moved and listening can change our life for the better.

It may not seem that way initially. Yet, listening to our heart shines the light and leads us out of darkness. That infinite and ever present light is shined only after we greet, embrace, and connect with uncomfortable emotions.

I also feel it’s important that we openly talk with and teach our kids about mindfulness and emotions and what to do with them. Letting them know it’s okay to feel these emotions, yet we don’t want to let them soak into us and fester. We want to meet them with love and curiosity. We absolutely don’t want to resist them as they will grow in magnitude and intensity.

Some of us had parents who taught us these things without all the fancy names. Some of us didn’t. And some of us had parents who taught us and we simply forgot! I feel our children already know these things when they are infants and toddlers. When they go out into the world, many of the messages they receive are the opposite of or do not support emotional connection and BEing mindful.

So they begin to leave behind what they know in their heart. Or worded differently, they close it in their heart where it stays, ready to be let loose by those in their life who will share and mentor this way of life for them.

___________________________________________________________________________

What if I’m Selfish?

I had been having the urge to soak in an epsom salt infused tub of warm water for at least 4 days. I finally listened. My body was not moving any further until I did. I felt so heavy and dazed.

After dinner, I got everything ready .. Water running with loads of epsom salt, Himalayan salt votive, palo santo, just the right music wafting in from the living room, door cracked a bit, and darkness.

The minute my feet touched the water, my body exhaled a wave of thanks. I sat in pure bliss for about 30 minutes. It felt as if the weight had lifted and as the water drained so did whatever I had shed. As the water was draining, I instinctively rinsed myself with soothing hot water to ensure getting every bit of it rinsed.

This felt truly miraculous. I felt like a different person when I exited the bathroom. I was calm, focused, and centered …. and, within about 15 minutes …. my 10 year old son, Thomas, became emotionally distraught …

My very first thought was to thank myself for listening to the call to become calm and centered. I was in the exact perfect place to help Thomas through the emotions he was experiencing.

(Note: I have permission from Thomas and Lillian to share this.)

He and his 14 year old sister, Lillian, had been teasing and arguing with one other. He is struggling with harboring jealous emotions towards her. I’m sure this is nothing new with siblings of special needs children. At some point, they are bound to think the scales are tipped in their siblings favor way too much. And that the sibling gets let off the hook too often and receives different (and better) treatment at times.

He wasn’t understanding why Lillian has so many friends and friends of mine who think she is a wonderful, talented person. When behind the scenes, she can be so incredibly nasty to him and me, with the meltdowns she experiences.

For some reason he was feeling like people thought he was selfish and no one wanted to be his friend. He asked, “How come she has friends, with as unkind as she can be and I don’t?”

Without even realizing it, I handed this over to my heart as the words flowed calmly and lovingly from my mouth without the interference of my mind.

We spent an hour talking. I can’t remember all that was said. Here is what I do remember. I have added a bit more to my responses for clarification … as Thomas already knows where I’m coming from …..

Thomas: “What if I feel selfish?”

Me: If you feel you have wronged someone, apologize to them. Then, apologize to yourself. It’s very important that you apologize to yourself also. Do your best not to judge yourself. If you feel judgmental about yourself, accept this. Then, accept the feelings that it brings forth. Physically feel and accept these feelings with love and curiosity and they will eventually fade and so will judgment.

Thomas: What if they don’t accept my apology and tell me off?

Me: You cannot control what others do with kindness, gifts, or words you share with them. It is something of their own to work out if they do not accept.

Thomas: But, that doesn’t make it feel any better. I would still feel sad (or bad) about it.

Me: Yes, and that’s okay. You don’t want to push that away. Feel the sadness. Feel it in your body. Just don’t let it move in and stay. At some point it will lift, as long as you continue to not resist the feeling and continue to feel it in your body.

Thomas: What if I am selfish?

Me: The most important words that will ever come out of your mouth or be in your thoughts are “I AM” and what you choose to follow “I AM” with. For, whatever you add to this statement will be your reality.

Me: This is one reason I make it a point to say and feel, “I am Love,” so often. This is why we have a different word for every day to describe ourselves and our day. “I am awesome, I am incredible, I am extraordinary, I am fabulous.” We already say enough negative, judgmental words to ourself.

Thomas: Why does Lillian continue to have friends and people thinking she’s wonderful with how unkind she can be?

Me: What would you have them do? Throw her out? Throw her to the side? We must know that a person’s behavior is not their true self. Their true self is kindness and love. We see that part of Lillian too. It’s there.

I reminded him of our “Letting it Go” Burning Ceremony a while back and to remember what Lillian wrote on her pieces of paper. She wants to release it. That is the true Lillian.

Me: We do not stop loving someone because they are sharing unkind or rude behavior with us. One thing that I know for certain. Every single human being, every single one of us … wants the same underneath it all.

And this want is universal. We ALL want joy and love. That is our bond. Some of us are simply stuck. Some more so than others. I feel we should help those who are stuck. Help them to find their own way to happiness. The way where they harm no other, yet are true to their own self.

This does not mean that we excuse someone’s unkind behavior or that we continue to be around or with that person if they are completely disconnected from their true self.

Me: As long as you are being your true self, living a heart-centered life, not harming others, and sharing loving kindness in your own unique way; you will have happiness.

We don’t want to concern ourselves with what others think of what we do, say, or have. If they care for and are concerned about us however, we do want to listen with an open heart.

Me: There will be those who consider this selfish. It is not selfish to live a heart-centered life and share your unique and given talents with others. It benefits everyone when each of us chooses to live in this way.

Me: It can be a hard habit to break, letting ourselves become overwhelmed with worry, anxiety and fear of what others think of us. Yet, what they think of us, is their own “stuff” to deal with.

Me: There are really only two emotions. Love and fear. Jealousy stems from fear. Fear that someone else is getting or having more than you. Fear that someone else is having a happier experience than you.

Me: I am sharing all of this with you as a 46 year old woman who still works on releasing these unhealthy thoughts. I have come a long way. I am not perfect. No one is. Yet, I’m a lot better than I used to be!

Me: I don’t remember having any of the adults around me talk to me about these kinds of things. However, I do remember both of my grandmother’s attitudes of not being concerned with what others think. That has always stuck with me and I admired both of them for their attitude.

Me: Although I am grateful to have some of this attitude become a part of me, I am also grateful that I softened it with my own touch. They both grew up in hard times. Mammaw Downs was a sharecropper. She had to leave school in the 2nd grade to help her family as her mom had died.

Me: I still compare myself to others. I still let myself get fearful about what others think about what I do or say. I still judge myself for having not accomplished or achieved what others have in the same amount of time or less time.

Yet, the difference is that now I recognize when I’m doing this. And I use emotional connection, practicing mindfulness, and spirituality to greet and process these emotions.

Thomas: You say judgmental things to me sometimes and tell me I’m doing things wrong.

Me: I know I do. I am not perfect and I need your help. I want you to let me know when I have done this. Most times I try to reflect before I say things to you, yet that doesn’t always happen.

Afterwards we hugged and snuggled … and … moved forward.

Note: I know this can be a confusing topic to discuss with our kids. For that reason, I always give an example from my own experiences to help them understand what I’m talking about.

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Did you know I wrote a book? It’s titled “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance” and you can read more about it here.

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Getting To The Bottom Of Grumpiness

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“Go to Nature’s School – the one true university.” ~John Muir

(Here’s one to share my sense of humor with you. I may not share it much in my writings, yet I attempt to bring humor into every single day. For me, humor is the ointment that soothes the rawness of life …. )

One Sunday not too long ago, I was in a downright grumpy mood. Thomas and Lillian had joined in on the grumpiness. The tension and angst in the air was as thick as mud.

I completely disconnected from being mindful or even attempting to connect with this emotion. I ultimately decided to excuse myself and go for a much needed walk to connect with this grumpiness so as to release it.

A mere few minutes after heading out for the walk, I passed by this rock …

As I walked around the lake, my eyes kept catching glimpses of something – over and over again. It’s like I was going to keep seeing it until I truly noticed and the sight of it brought a smile to my face.

It not only brought a smile to my face; I laughed out loud. And, had to take pictures!

What broke the grip of this grumpiness?

Ducks and Their Bottoms. That’s right. Duck bottoms.

As I passed by ducks in the water, I kept thinking, something doesn’t look right. As I got closer I saw that the ducks had their head under the water. When a duck’s head is under water, their back end pops up. All you see is duck feet and duck bottom bobbing along!

I had noticed this in past walks, yet it didn’t move me like it did this time. Plus, it seemed like every single duck I passed had their head under water with their bottom just bopping along!

The picture is blurry as I had to zoom to get close enough. Yet, I think you get the idea.

By the time I walked in the door, I felt I had mostly shed whatever was causing the grumpiness. I entered with a much more joyful and peaceful heart ready to NOT bite any drama hooks dangled in front of me.

So, let’s get to the bottom of this post. 😉

When you know you’ve dug your heels in, you’ve bit into the grumpy (insert whatever negative emotion here) hook and are not going to let go easily; change your scenery, change the environment.

For me, that’s going for walk and being with nature. Being in nature may not have the same effect on you as it does with me. Find the sweet spot that helps you release the grip on that hook.

This is not to say that we push the negativity away. We still attempt to connect with how it feels so as to release it fully. Yet, sometimes this cannot be done in the moment or in the “space” we are within.

Now. Go find some duck bottoms and see if it doesn’t cause you to laugh … or at least smile … xoxo

This post is dedicated to Mother Nature, her beauty, her love, and her helpers!!

The picture of the stone honoring Mother Nature was taken at Rancho San Rafael Park and The Wilbur May Arboretum. Isn’t it interesting that it was donated and dedicated by someone with the initial “C”? And, it’s perfect for this post!

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Did you know I wrote a book? It’s titled “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance” and you can read more about it here.

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Letting Go Burning Ceremony

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“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

In the first quarter of 2016 we had an impromptu “Team TLC Letting Go Burning Ceremony”. I hadn’t planned this. The idea came to me the morning before.

After dinner, I explained to Thomas and Lillian what we’d be doing. Writing down habits, fears, beliefs that hold us back on a strip of paper. Then, reading each one aloud, touching it to the candle flame, saying some type of farewell phrase and dropping it into the coffee can.

We wrote stories, beliefs, habits, and fears on strips of paper. It was such a wonderful, blissful feeling sitting with both of them doing this. They really, truly understood the process and what types of things to write on the strips.

I was so moved. There was a beautiful excitement in the air. A magical anticipation of releasing habits, beliefs and fears that do not serve us and hold us back.

We sat around the can and a candle. Thomas went first, then Lillian and then me (Team TLC order, of course). I was moved to tears hearing each of them read habits, fears, and beliefs that they bid farewell.

They were surprised to hear some of what I had written on my slips. I think it was good for them to hear some of the things I choose to feel guilty about at times and negative beliefs that I’m still dislodging.

So beautiful, amazing, wonderful, blissful. We will make this a regular Team TLC event .. quarterly, twice a year, or at the minimum, once per year.

**LOVE OFFERING** If you find this content helpful, I invite you to toss a tip in the love offering bowl. With oceans of gratitude … Camilla ….

love-cards-in-a-basket-october-2016

May you treat yourself to something similar in the coming days. xoxo

This was inspired by a combination of a previous blog post, The Tao of Letting Go, and a couple of books I’m reading. It was also inspired by a blog post I read titled, “A Lesson in Letting Go”, from Sacred Science. There’s a wonderful letting go ceremony included in the blog post.

Interested in having me speak at an event or gathering about mindfulness and emotional connection? Contact me here. 

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Did you know I wrote a book? It’s titled “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance” and you can read more about it here.

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Dear Meltdown: Meet My Friend Mindfulness

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Anger is like a storm rising up from the bottom of your consciousness. When you feel it coming, turn your focus to your breath. ~Thich Nhat Hanh

I recently received the honor of having one of my articles accepted for publication by Elephant Journal. I was inspired a couple of months ago by blog posts which are letters openly written to others. For example, Dear Person at the Grocery Store, Dear Lady in the Bookstore, Dear Stressed Out Mom, and the like.

Upon seeing these I knew I was to write something like this. At that same time, I also knew I wanted to share something meaningful about the meltdowns that Lillian is experiencing. The next thing I knew, I was writing a letter to her meltdown. I was pouring my heart out to that meltdown. This is the result and this is what Elephant Journal published …

Meltdown (per Merriam-Webster) – an accident in which the core of a nuclear reactor melts and releases radiation, a very fast collapse or failure, a very fast loss of emotional self-control. (emphasis mine)

Mindfulness – (per Merriam-Webster) – the quality or state of being mindful, the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one’s thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis; also such a state of awareness.

Letter written to the meltdowns that my 14 year old special needs daughter experiences:

Dear Meltdowns, Welcome and Meet My Friend Mindfulness

Sometimes I’m able to sense when you’re lurking in the shadows. Sometimes I’m not. And you sneak up like a cat stalking its prey.

You penetrate the peace of an otherwise tranquil day like an earthquake suddenly rocking and rolling in the middle of a quiet night’s sleep. You are the complete opposite of fun and joy.

You are loud, aggressive, physically harmful, and verbally malicious. You lack compassion, empathy, and kindness. You take all actions and words personally.

What I want you to know is that I welcome you. Not like I’d welcome my best friend coming over for coffee and chatting. I welcome you like one later appreciates a grumpy relative during the holidays knowing that being around this person can help us to learn more about our own triggers.

You are helping us to know what emotions and situations Lillian has resistance to fully experiencing. You are the red flag that goes up as a warning that THIS is where she feels vulnerable.

So, I welcome you. I meet you with love.

When I am in a peaceful, mindful state, going with the flow of life, I handle you just as easily as a leaf floating in the wind. I choose not to accept your meltdown hook.

When I’m resisting life, choosing grumpiness, and having an off day, I accept the hook you’ve thrown out and jump right in with both feet. These are the times I learn more about myself.

Either way, one thing I know for sure is that you are not the true Lillian. The true Lillian is there, and you are simply acting as a buffer so she doesn’t have to experience the rawness of life. It is my hope that as I meet you with kindness and compassion, you see that it’s okay to move aside.

Lillian can handle the unexpected, the discomfort of not getting her desires, and the “letting go” of learning to be flexible. It’s okay to release your grip.

I will continue to meet you with a calm voice and compassion as often as possible, until the day you realize it’s okay to become dormant, slip into an eternal sleep, and allow a miracle – the miracle of Lillian fully experiencing emotions and going with the flow of life.

Love,
Camilla (Mom to Lillian)

Lillian has a rare genetic condition called 18p-. This means that she is missing the short arm of chromosome number 18 and it affects about 1 in 50,000. The main way this manifests for her is that she is speech impaired, and has balance and motor skill issues. Also, for the past year and a half she has struggled with experiencing anxiety and difficult emotions.

Situations that can cause Lillian to meltdown:

  • Events not unfolding as anticipated
  • Schedules being adjusted
  • Communication difficulties
  • Being reprimanded
  • Teasing from her sibling

In July 2015, Lillian had the worst explosive meltdown we’ve ever experienced. We made a quick stop at the grocery store to get a few items.

As I paid for our items, Lillian caught up with me, and once I was finished, I could sense her energy shift. Apparently, there was a miscommunication between us about looking at more gluten free desserts.

This quickly led to a volcanic explosion for Lillian. Fortunately, I was close to the exit doors, so I made my way out and headed to the car with Lillian melting down behind me. I quickly got into the car and invited Lillian to do the same if she was going with me. She was not open to doing any of the mindfulness techniques we’ve been learning.

I decided to start making our way home even though she had not calmed down – not the best choice in that moment. She was scratching, pinching, and pulling my hair from behind.

I pulled the car over, turned to Lillian and screamed some ridiculously outrageous comments. I quickly realized I must get out of the car. We needed space between us as I was bleeding and in a great deal of pain from the scratches and she was a big hot mess.

Once out, I closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths, and asked to see the situation differently. Upon opening my eyes, I saw, shining up at me from the rock and dirt filled ground, a beautiful red jewel heart. There was my answer, a reminder to always respond with love.

At this point, Lillian was ready to do a calming, mindful technique and I requested that she do it on her own. She got out of the car, chose to pick up a couple of rocks and studied them. After a few minutes we got back into the car and drove home.

We’ve not had anything of that magnitude happen since and I am hopeful this was simply “one step backward” before more steps forward. When this happens, one of us must be fully present and mindful or things can escalate.

Lillian has been seeing a psychotherapist since April 2015. We are working on cognitive behavioral therapy with mindfulness training. Additionally, I work with her on physically feeling the emotions within her body.

She has made great progress. It’s slow going, yet I feel we are closer to the ultimate goal.
The miracle of Lillian truly experiencing negative emotions and the rawness of life without the buffer of a meltdown.

At some time or another it’s possible we’ve all experienced our own version of a meltdown. Mindfulness is a miraculous practice to bring into one’s life. Once we become practitioners of mindfulness, more often than not, we are able to remain calm and peaceful when we or our children experience the rawness of life.

With mindfulness we are able to tune into our body and notice the beginning signs of a meltdown; clenched jaw, increased heart rate, tight shoulders or neck, stomach pain.

At this point we can say or think to ourselves, “There is anger inside of me.” This is the opposite of thinking or saying, “I am angry.” These two statements have completely different meanings and will take one down different paths.

Once we acknowledge there is anger (or any other uncomfortable emotion) within us, we can then put our focus on how this physically feels in the body. Is it tight, rolling, moving from place to place?

Let’s be real here. This is absolutely not fun and can be extremely uncomfortable. Yet, if we stick with this practice, it will become more of a habit and eventually the uncomfortable emotion will release.

If we wish to help our children, special needs or not, in this area, we must first practice this for ourselves and model this to them. Why would they meet a meltdown in this way if they never see us do this?

Examples of mindfulness techniques used with Lillian and her sibling, Thomas:

  • Focusing attention on a favorite rock, gemstone, or crystal. Concentrating on how it feels, looks, smells, and sounds.
  • Breathe work. At times with no phrase and at times with different variations of phrases.
  • Focus on in and out breath.
  • Breathing in, I am calm. Breathing out, I am peaceful.
  • I am in control. I can handle this situation.
  • Guided 5 minute mindful exercises.
  • Relaxing each area of the body.
  • Focusing on different areas of the body.
  • Walks in nature to include focus on flowers, trees, birds, ducks, etc.
  • Thinking or saying a peace mantra, Om Shanti Om.
  • Taking turns describing in detail another family member (remembering to use non-judgmental words) and similar family exercises.

These techniques were learned by me during the past 18 years of reading, studying, and practicing the teachings of Thich Nhat Hahn, Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra, Lao Tzu, Pema Chodron, Raphael Cushnir, and The Dalai Lama.

In between monitoring the debut of the article yesterday, there was a meltdown. Lately they are brought on by disagreements with her sibling .. Thomas. So, as I sat sharing, responding, and getting the word out; my hands were stinging with fresh scratches.

I have faith that with the mindfulness exercises we practice, discussions of recognizing emotions, and time spent in nature; eventually Lillian will succeed in going with the flow and simply letting things go ..

I must share with you that when I received the email from elephant journal Sunday night, I panicked. A wave of anxiety and fear swept over me and I felt as if I was drowning in sadness. Thoughts of what others would think of these words straight from my heart weighed heavy on me.

I went to bed Sunday night connecting with these feelings, focusing on how they physically felt in my body. The feeling had subsided some by the time I got up the next morning. After an hour of meditation and a solo walk in the fresh snow, it had completely lifted and I was free to allow and receive joy. I felt it was important to share this with you.

Would you like to help spread the word? Here are ways you can help:

  • Have me speak to your group about mindfulness and emotional connection
  • View the article on Elephant Journal’s website
  • Leave a comment on their website by scrolling to the bottom of the article
  • Share the article using the share buttons near the bottom of the article (feel free to tag me if you share on facebook)
  • Blog about the article on your own blog (like Tania Marie did on her blog)
  • Leave a comment here
  • Share this article using the share buttons
  • email the article to others
  • Share with parenting groups, including special needs parenting groups

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 20 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here. 

Wonderfully exciting news! My 16 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Mindful Parenting – A Solution for Sibling Fighting

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Let this moment be the teacher.

“Out of clutter, find simplicity.
From discord, find harmony.
In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” ~Albert Einstein

At times, Thomas and Lillian simply do not get along. I’m sure we’ve all experienced this as parents or with our own siblings or cousins.

My response varies depending on mindfulness, my own emotional state, and timing. One area I continue to work on shifting is my initial internal response to conflict. Throughout my childhood and teenage years, there was a great deal of arguing and conflict. It became my habit to withdraw, shrink, and shut down in order to escape.

I still have times when I choose to escape. This has gotten better. I continue to be aware, catch it when this happens, not “bite” that hook, and know that it can be handled a different way and there’s no need to hold anxiety from the past.

What I have found to be an incredible combination for helping Thomas and Lillian discover their own way out of the tensions is when I stay calm and mindful and use the surroundings of the moment as a teacher. During these times creativity and improvising blossom into the situation.

“My whole life has been one big improvisation.” ~Clint Eastwood

In one instance, the arguing kept going back and forth. He says such and such. She responds with such and such. No, I’m right. You’re  wrong. You’re such and such. On and on.

I spontaneously stood in the middle of the room. Got their attention, and proceeded to act out a one woman skit. I began with this:

“Thomas and Lillian: What I have learned is that is impossible to have an argument with yourself. Watch. Let me demonstrate. I turned and faced to the right and pretended like I was arguing with someone and saying unkind things.

Then I turned to the left and pretended to be this other person facing the bearer of the unkind things. I remained silent and just stared. Then I looked at Thomas and Lillian. I said, See. Argument over. If one person chooses not to respond, not to bite the hook, the argument cannot continue. It ceases.” I did it again just for emphasis.

They were mesmerized. Partly, I’m sure, as I was in such an animated state. Exaggerating my movements and words. I had not pre-meditated this as a response. I did not stop myself when the thought occurred. I just went with it. There was no more arguing for the rest of the evening.

Another time they were not in the midst of an argument, I improvised and spontaneously chose flowers as the teacher. I happened to have a vase of beautiful, amazing stargazer lilies. I was talking to the lilies – thanking them for sharing their beauty and scent with me and for adding to my joy.

Thomas and Lillian were giggling about this and I’m quite sure Lillian told me I was crazy. I told her “thank you” and added that I was extraordinary too. Then, I said to both of them:

“Look at how the flowers get along together. They aren’t fighting and struggling with one another. They are just BEing flowers. See that one leaning against the other one. He’s not saying, “Get your petal off of me. Don’t touch me. You’re gross.” This one is supporting that one. They are happy just being flowers and sharing their beauty with us. Imagine if we could be more like the flowers.”

They still argue. They still disagree. Yet, I know what I share with them is divinely inspired. I know it’s in their heart and mind somewhere. Sometimes they choose to completely ignore what I’ve shared and they both grab the “I’m arguing and not stopping till I’ve had the last word” hook.

Yet, sometimes they choose to remember and use what I’ve shared. As often as I can, I choose to use this as an opportunity for me to practice not falling back into old habits.

“Non-violence in action is a very potent force …. If we have the patience, things will change.” ~Cesar Chavez

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Did you know I wrote a book? It’s titled “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance” and you can read more about it here.

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A Turning Point – The Primordial Awakening

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Quick Note: While this story is about the power that comes with having a human life grow inside of you and the power of the birthing experience AND if you do not have a uterus or are a mother, don’t think this isn’t for you! If you are human then this is for you. As, most likely, at some point we all will deeply experience and connect with fear and pain. Think of whatever that moment was/is for YOU as you read this.

Author’s Note: At times I am intuitively moved to write in third person. This is one of those times. May you enjoy this “story” and may it ignite the primal within you.

A Turning Point – The Primordial Awakening

“It is a “journey without distance” because the journey is within our minds. We have never left our place on high. We are only dreaming otherwise.” ~ Lessons in Love by Brad Oliphant

September 14, 2001 was a turning point in her life. A time when she connected with an acceptance to feel fear and pain. This acceptance was a doorway that opened a primal portal to her awakening. She grabbed that opening and clung by a fingernail. This was the day she gave birth to her first born.

At the time she didn’t know this is what was happening for she had closed her heart years ago. She didn’t even know she had closed her heart.

She had been laying the foundation for this awakening since the night she could not sleep in 1998. The night that led to her deep hunger to learn about and come to know her self.

Layer upon layer of not being herself, of not speaking her thoughts for fear they would turn others away or cause her exclusion, agreeing with others without even thinking, taking on others likes and dislikes, years of “just handling” it, sucking it up, not speaking up when she had been taken advantage of ….. layers of fear, falseness, anxiety, comparison, worry that stretched back to childhood.

Each layer built upon the next in such a way that her true self was buried so deeply she could no longer remember her passions, source of joy, or unique talents. …. And this she did not realize either.

She lived in the illusion that all of life was outside of herself. All that mattered was without rather than within.

By outside appearances she was a successful, strong, and happy woman. She thought she was all of these too. She had gone to college, earned a paralegal degree, fallen in love, married, become pregnant, and worked successfully as a civil paralegal at the county prosecutor’s office.

There are no words to describe the magic and mystery of having another human growing inside of you. If one is open to it on some level, something shifts within a person during that time.  A doorway begins to open that fully opens at the time of giving birth.

She lived one of the most powerful experiences she had ever had up to that point in her life when she naturally birthed her first child, Lillian, and again 4 years later when she naturally birthed her second child, Thomas.

During her first pregnancy she read as many books as she could regarding natural child birth, including The Bradley Method. She even found herself reading books about chanting and childbirth (all the while thinking that this definitely was not her style and she would NOT be chanting during childbirth). She read how powerful an experience of natural child birth could be, and intuitively she knew she must have this experience.

On the day of delivery, with help and reminders from her husband, she focused on breathing through contractions. She visualized what was actually happening during each contraction as to not focus on the pain.

She decided to get into a warm, soothing, and relaxing tub of water. So relaxing, in fact, that the process began to speed. With each contraction she saw her belly roll, distort, change shape and intensely felt the pressure of baby making her way down the birth canal.

Each contraction brought a strange, heavy, earthy, out of body feeling to her. She had never felt anything like this before. Without any thought, she began deeply chanting the vowels with each contraction. Afterwards she had no idea where this had come from.

She continued to focus on her breath and visualizing her baby moving down the birth canal, feeling her move, and soon she could feel the baby’s head nearing the end of the birth canal. The nurse was beckoned and after only a few more contractions the daughter was about to enter our world.

The room quickly filled with nurses and doctors. Someone said to her, “Don’t push yet.” She said, “Are you crazy? My body says push and I’m pushing. Be ready.” With the next contraction, she instinctively pushed and the baby flew out so fast she nearly landed on the floor. She was still snuggled warmly inside the amniotic sac. Not yet ready to be here.

At this point something within her awoke and opened. A place of peace, beauty, joy, and love. Instinctively she knew she must not let it close. With that one fingernail she grabbed onto the portal.

Slowly and throughout the next 14 years, it would soon give way to a finger, then more fingers, then a hand ….. and eventually her heart emerged through the portal into a world of peaceful wholeheartedness and love.

The journey from one clinging fingernail to her whole heart was a long one full of judgment, feelings of superiority, feelings of inferiority, darkness, comparison, struggles, love, laughter, fun, and life lessons.

Immediately after and for at least 24 hours after the birth she lived in a euphoric, peaceful, joyful, love-filled world. A world in which she was a powerful creator who knew with full conviction and self-confidence that ANYTHING is possible. She had a similar experience with the birth of her second child.

Many times during the past 14 years she has called upon this experience when she needed a reminder of just how powerful she is … and that indeed, ANYTHING is possible.

Little did she know at the time; she had just birthed a being who would be one of her greatest teachers. And four years later, she was to birth another of her greatest teachers.

But, that’s another story …

Authors Note: It is fully understood that natural child birth is not for everyone due to medical reasons or simply personal choice.

And there are those whose path it was and is to not have children as part of their experience.

And there are those who wish passionately to conceive and cannot. My heart opens and wraps you in warm, nurturing love … you either have or will experience a deep moment that will serve as your own turning point.

This post is titled, A Turning Point, and not, The Turning Point, for these reasons. I don’t believe this is the only way to experience a turning point.

Any moment in time or an experience in which we embrace fear and pain in such a deep way can be the catalyst for this shift.

The Point:

Have you experienced your own moment in time in which you have deeply embraced fear and pain? Or do you sense it approaching?

Listen to yourself.
Listen within.
Do NOT discount inner urges.
Love yourself.
Release judgment of yourself.
Have compassion and empathy for yourself.

For if you EVER hope to love others, stop judging others, and have compassion and empathy for others; you must first do this for yourself. If not, you risk leading yourself down paths that take you further and further away from you true self.

The story behind how this blog post came to be is a story in and of itself. A story of listening, being aware, being in the present moment, and doing as I was guided to do. That will be shared in an upcoming blog post. xoxo

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Did you know I wrote a book? It’s titled “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance” and you can read more about it here.

Go here to subscribe to my blog to ensure you receive new posts delivered straight to your inbox! Right here! 

(This article includes an amazon affiliate link for the book Lessons in Love.)

Once Upon A Time

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Today is my birthday AND National Tell a Fairytale Day! What a magnificent combination!

Thomas took this picture of me on one of our Fall 2015 Date Days – Bartley Ranch Loop, Reno, NV

I started the morning off with a divine hour long meditation. Thomas gave me a sweet hug after he woke up. Lillian gave me a wonderful card that she hand made. I received a beautiful birthday card and birthday money yesterday from Mom n Frank.

On the way back from dropping Thomas at school I heard Aerosmith’s “Walk This Way”, Duran Duran’s “Rio”, and then Stevie Nicks’,“Edge of Seventeen”. I was absolutely floating. Rio caused me to think of junior high school at Oaklawn Jr. High and the awesome friendships made there. Then that caused me to think of Ms. Eschete (I am not spelling her name correctly!), my homeroom teacher and also the drill team facilitator/sponsor.

Fairytale Time!

Once upon a time there was a woman who never knew how to answer, “Which teacher most influenced you?” One day, which happened to be her 46th birthday, she was driving home from taking her son to school. She heard a song on the radio that reminded her of junior high school.

Immediately she was wrapped in a warm blanket of soft and fuzzy memories of her 7th grade teacher. The teacher who believed in her. That teacher who believed in an awkward, inexperienced, tall, and lanky teenage girl who tried out for the drill team …. and did a horrible job! Yet, that teacher still chose the young, inexperienced girl. It was the most wonderful experience for this teen who lacked a healthy self-image, who was unaware of her self-worth, and who had low self-esteem.

This teenage girl had wanted to be a dancer since being a young girl. She used to dream of being a “Solid Gold” dancer, or on “Soul Train”, and a Rockette, too! During that time she perfected her line kicking, with an imagination that had her standing in a line of fabulous Rockettes in New York City!

And, so, as time went by, she did not become a professional dancer. She did not even take dance classes. Yet when she reached her 46th birthday and heard this song that brought forth such wonderful memories; she realized that she IS a dancer. She just doesn’t dance in front of an audience. She becomes the music. She can feel it in her soul. She becomes one with the music. Nothing else exists in that moment. She said to herself, “I AM a dancer.” In that moment she sent forth gratitude for this amazing teacher for believing in her.

And, she lived happily ever after!!

Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday to Magnificent ME!! Oceans of love to all y’all magnificent beings! xoxo

My last walk around the lake as a 45 year old! Beautiful and Wonderful!

Heartfuly Inspired,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Did you know I wrote a book? It’s titled “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance” and you can read more about it here.

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Go here to subscribe to my blog to ensure you receive new posts delivered straight to your inbox! Right here!