Walk With Me – Journey to the Center of My Soul

Recently, I had the experience of one of my 40 minute meditation sessions feeling like it was only 5 minutes. I am always in awe when that happens. I find it incredibly magical … xoxo

Afterwards I wrote this; which will be the opening for my next book (Go here for information about my first book). Sharing this sneak peak with all of you … It’s still in rough draft status; yet, I was moved to share. Perhaps someone needs to see a word or two from this …

Walk with Me
Journey to the Center of My Soul

I had a choice to make.

I could choose not to even go near or open the door that would lead to the awakening of my true self. I could continue living life as I had been, seemingly happy and seemingly enjoying life.

Or I could choose to open that golden, larger than life door. The magical door that would lead the way to truly living life. A life of feeling all there is to feel – every single bit of it. A life of strapping into the gigantic see-saw of this path and riding my way through pain, despair, sadness, unhappiness, joy, peace, love, and bliss.

I did it. And I did it ever so gently. There was no transcendental moment with angels singing and everyone welcoming me. Well, maybe not in this dimension anyway.

I made the choice of the magical, golden door. So began the journey to the Center of my Soul.

Little did I know that once I entered through the door’s archway, and closed it behind me; that there would be no turning back. No matter how many times and how deeply I thought I wanted to turn back during this journey; I could not un-know what I was beginning to Know.

I strolled through that doorway thinking it would be easy and that I could control this the way I thought I controlled the rest of my life. Eventually, I learned that life is not something to be controlled. Living life is to let go and let it happen. Let go; yet take action when intuitively and heart inspired. Take action minus the need for controlling and minus attachment to the outcome.

This has been, and continues to be, a journey of opening my heart. A heart that closed as a very young child; perhaps even a heart that had been closed for many lifetimes. Every book I’ve read, movie I’ve watched, date day taken with my kids, every healer that I’ve worked with, and every walk taken has been in perfect timing to lead me to the next step of opening my heart.

I ultimately arrived at the place of knowing I was to love whatever comes into my experience. I haven’t always known what that meant. I thought I did. I did not understand how one is to “love” whatever is happening, or whatever one is feeling.

I now get that life is not here to fulfill me. I am here to fulfill life. There are absolutely days when I forget all of this. I’m still traveling this path. I fall back into old habits. Yet, the more I remember to love whatever is happening, the more my heart opens and the more I am able to share the One Love with all.

This also entailed letting go of my need to be bothered and to be upset by others and situations. Letting it go, by loving it as it came into my experience. This meant loving the un-lovely feelings that bubble forth during these times.

Loving the feelings absolutely does not mean to pour positivity over them and squish them back down to the place from which they came forth. It means simply, telling yourself over and over, “I love you”, to your own heart. And it means letting yourself physically feel these un-lovely feelings. It is truly amazing and life shifting to do this for oneself.

As a young girl my favorite and most loved fairy tale was the one where the down trodden princess was finally seen and loved for who she is by a dashing prince. And then this dashing prince whisks her away to her hearts delight wherein she lives life the way she chooses, forever in joy and peace and fun. I carried this with me into adulthood.

Now as I look back on this, I can see I was waiting for life to fulfill me. I see I was waiting for some “other” to see me, love me, tell me I am worthy, tell me they believe in me, and tell me they are sorry for wrongs done to me. And then for this other to place me in the perfect situation wherein I could control life and have experiences that would not take me out of my comfort zone.

Traveling this path of opening my heart, I have learned that we all need these words spoken to us by those closest to us and those not close to us alike. Yet, as importantly, we also need to speak these words to our self. Especially when we did not hear them as a child; or heard them very little during our young and tender years.

And, most especially when we are having unlovely experiences and feelings. That’s when we need it most. The more we do this for our self, the more our heart opens. And, the more our heart opens the more we come to realize that life’s journey is not about life fulfilling us. It is about us fulfilling life and sharing love in the way we came forth to share.

I invite you to walk with me through these pages. Walking, being in nature, and writing have been the magical ingredients for alchemizing experiences as I travel this path. Let’s go.

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest Articles:
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Can a Book Be Published With Little to No Money – Part Three

This is a continuation post and the last of the series.

Below is an excerpt from Part One:

” …. so I’m going to get to the bottom line first thing. And those who are interested about the entire story can read further. Lillian’s book was published with absolutely no money paid out to anyone for the creation of the book. That’s it!

Now, there was a bit of money paid for the ISBN bar code graphic (about $20), for envelopes to mail the books once received (about $15), and for two proof copies of the book (about $15 each which included shipping).

I want to reiterate that I am not sharing this to brag or gloat. That is not my nature. I am sharing this to give hope, to share …… “

Go here to read the previous post if you missed it ..

Can a Book Be Published With Little to No Money – Part One

Below is an excerpt from Part Two:

” …. Thomas and I considered our options between using an online self-publishing site and using a local Reno publisher/printer. We made a chart listing the costs and pros and cons. We had a meeting with the local publisher. After the meeting we decided to go with the local company. I would do as much as possible and they would help out minimally.

Once we decided to go with the local publisher, I began ….”

Go here to read the rest if you missed it …

Can a Book Be Published With Little to No Money – Part Two

“D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance” was written by me in 2011 and published in 2012. There’s an interesting story on how the book came to be written so if you’d like to read that story go here …

Purging, Weight Loss, and Writing a Book

I wrote the bulk of the book in about three months. When I began writing I had no idea how it would get from the initial writing into a published book. Yet, I did not let that stop me from writing. I knew I was to write, so I wrote. Every morning I got up 30 minutes earlier than I had been, sat outside on the patio, with an expansive view of majestic Mount Rose, and wrote for thirty minutes to an hour every day.

It was either during writing the book or just after I had finished that I began researching how to self-publish one’s book. I decided to use Amazon’s self-publishing arm, CreateSpace. Having no money to invest in this book, was a major factor in choosing this option.

I found friends who were willing to be test readers and editors. I had an idea of what I wanted for the cover; yet, during that same time came across artwork that I fell in love with. The art is created by a young man, D.J. Svoboda, with autism who I had been connected with through a mutual Chromosome 18 friend. I was inspired to ask D.J. if he would like his artwork on the cover of my book. He excitedly answered back with a resounding “Yes”! Another friend designed the initial cover for me at no charge.

D iz for Different Books Shipment of 5 Received 1.11.18

With the cover designed and the book having been reviewed by several others, I dove into Createspace to attempt figuring out how to make what I had into a book! I began to stumble and wasn’t sure how to proceed as it seemed I needed to have Word. I have been an Apple Mac user since about 2000 and have not used Microsoft products since then.

At about the same time, I received a phone call or email from Diana Michelotti to let me know that she is D.J’s manager and wanted to talk about the use of his art on the cover of the book. I contacted Diana and she wanted me to send a few chapters of the book for her review and approval for D.J.’s art.

Not too long after I sent the chapters to Diana for review, I heard back from her that she loved what I had sent and was deeply moved by the content. She wondered who I was going to have edit the book and who would be creating the layout of the book. I told her that I was going to do it myself; that I was stuck for the moment, yet, I would figure it out.

I explained that I had absolutely no money to pay someone for their services. She responded with, “I will do this for you. And, I will not charge you. This is what I do for a living and I want to help you.” She further stated that she believed in the message I was sharing and wanted to help get the book created.

Free Hugs and Smiles Thomas and Camilla at D iz for Different Table 2013

So began the journey of working with Diana. It was a lengthy process as there was much more editing needed than I had anticipated. It was the greatest lesson in patience that I think I have ever experienced. And, I did not handle it in the highest and best way possible, in my opinion.

This was at the very beginning of the huge shift I was beginning to make. A shift of living a spiritually based life; rather than whatever you would call I had been living. I did not see being patient as a lesson at that time. I saw it as an annoyance, something I could not control, and it was bringing forth anxiety and anger. I can see it all clearly now and definitely process these events differently now.

“What a blessing and privilege it has been to work with Camilla Downs and be a part of the creation of ‘D iz for Different.’

Like a bird leaving its nest for the first time – I hope this book spreads its wings, takes flight and reaches those who need to hear Camilla’s inspiring story.” – Diana Michelotti

Less than a year after I began writing it, the book was finally finished and published in May 2012.  And, it was written, created, and published with no money. It was a huge learning experience being the first time I had done anything like this.

Another aspect of the book that came together in perfect synchronicity were the review blurbs. I met the Ziglar family at a conference in 2010 and had kept in touch with Zig Ziglar’s daughter and grand-daughter. When the time came, I asked Julie Ziglar Norman if she would like to write a review blurb. She loved the book and agreed!

A connection I had made through a local networking group approached me one night to say she had been working with someone she thought I should connect with. She connected us via email and after he emailed me back I went to his website only to discover that this person is Jim Stovall!! Author of The Ultimate Gift which was also made into a movie. He was happy to offer a review blurb. I LOVE the movie, by the way!!

There was much I did not include in the book. Not to mention that my writing has evolved since this book and has a completely different flavor now. Don’t get me wrong. I love the book and it’s contents. I still have faith in what I wrote; I can simply see the difference now. The content is mind and brain heavy and not so much from the heart. I barely skimmed the surface of my essence with the book and, in fact, some of my views have shifted a bit since its writing. And, as stated earlier, I have become deeply spiritual since ‘D iz for Different’ was birthed into a published book.

I see it all as part of the process and part of my journey. We all change throughout our lives. Some more so than others. This book was supposed to be “light” and to only skim the surface. It was the toe dip into the author’s ocean for me. A toe dip to test the waters. I am thankful it was met with such a warm reception and enthusiasm.

There is much I wanted to say in the book, that I did not say for fear of offending or turning others away. Fear. What a lesson it has to teach us. I no longer have this fear as one could most likely surmise by reading the writings that currently come forth. Fear is simply love going in the opposite direction and I have tipped the scales so that fear and love have embraced in an ecstatic burst of love creation through writing.

I vow to write. I vow to listen for what to write. I vow to write even if no one reads what is written. I vow to write even if it turns some away. I vow to write for the writing is the food that feeds my soul. I vow to write until the day I am no longer inhabiting this beautiful Earth. I vow to write.

Well, I had not intended all of this to come forth. Yet, there it is. In all it’s grace and glory! Once it turns on, I cannot turn it off until it’s finished!

Back to the book …. The book reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon. The last I checked it had a 4 and 1/2 star rating on Amazon. Sales have absolutely fallen flat and I no longer market the book. In 2013, I let shame and fear that the book was no good take over and I abandoned further marketing.

‘D iz for Different’ is about to receive a facelift by way of a new cover as this cover seems to no longer be in sync with my heart. I love and adore D.J. and this does not speak less of his beautiful art, nor does it speak less of the hard work Diana put into it. This is all about me and what my heart dictates.

So … YES! A book can be published with no money!!

And stay tuned for the updated cover!!

And, stay tuned for the next books to be published. There will be another book coming near the end of this year or beginning of 2019.

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest Articles:
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Top 10 Soul Writings for 2017

Detective Thomas 5.7.17

Top 10 Blog Posts With the Most Views (Culled only from 2017 blog posts)

  1. 11 Ways to Help Team TLC With Attending the Chromosome 18 Conference
  2. Poetry: Brother, One Day You Shall Be Released
  3. One Way I Surrendered To My True Colors
  4. The One Thing We Should Be Teaching
  5. Dear Thoughts: I Want To Be Happy With Myself
  6. Poetry: The Dance of Lillian – Happy 16th Birthday
  7. How to Be Peaceful
  8. Why I Meditate and Journal Write
  9. The Global Wound and Mother Earth
  10. How to Share Loving Kindness

**LOVE OFFERING** If you find this content helpful, I invite you to toss a tip in the love offering bowl. With oceans of gratitude … Camilla ….

love-cards-in-a-basket-october-2016

Top 10 Blog Posts With the Most Views for 2017 (Culled from all blog posts)

  1. Olive Oil as Facial Cleanser and Moisturizer – Oil Cleansing Method
  2. Recipe: No Powdered Sugar Cream Cheese Frosting
  3. Oil Cleansing Method – Update
  4. 17 Easy and Free Ideas on How to Rejuvenate Yourself
  5. Taste the Wind
  6. Love is Magical – A Renga Poem
  7. Recipe: Almond Flour Cookies
  8. The Biggest Little Photographer by Thomas Darnell
  9. 11 Ways to Help Team TLC With Attending the Chromosome 18 Conference
  10. Poetry: Brother, One Day You Shall Be Released

Top 10 Blog Posts of All Time With the Most Views

  1. Olive Oil as Facial Cleanser and Moisturizer – Oil Cleansing Method
  2. Recipe: No Powdered Sugar Cream Cheese Frosting
  3. Recipe: Almond Flour Cookies
  4. Help Team TLC With A Christmas Miracle
  5. Oil Cleansing Method – Update 
  6. 17 Easy and Free Ideas on How to Rejuvenate Yourself
  7. I Wish I Wasn’t an 18p- Girl: Moment of Defeat – Take Two
  8. A Moment of Defeat
  9. Lillian and Being Different Presentation
  10. Creativity and Resourcefulness

Here’s to a 2018 in which we all go within to BE the change we wish to see in the world. BE Love, BE Peace, BE Compassion … We must BE this within in order to experience it without.

Bartley Ranch Old Train Track March 2017 PoemLillian and Camilla October 2017 Date Day #30

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is arriving January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest Articles:
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Why I Choose to Walk Into Darkness

**THROWBACK POST with an Update**

February 13 2015:

“Until your knees finally hit the floor, you’re just playing at life, and on some level you’re scared because you know that you’re just playing. The moment of surrender is not when life is over. It’s when life begins.” -Marianne Williamson

Camilla's Vision Board 2015
(2015 Vision Board with Meditation as a theme word for the year)

The year 2014 was a year of the knees slowly hitting the floor, culminating with a smack down slamming of those knees the last three months of 2014. Deep fears and negative emotions were faced and released like never before.

I began January 2015 with an intent to focus on meditation and love and have stuck to that. I knew that the solutions and answers were inside of me and no where else. I’m nearing the end of a 3 week intensive meditation exercise of meditating for an hour and a half every day.

A miracle has happened as I’ve been opening a heart that went into hiding as a young girl. Love is indeed a magical charm! Meditate on. Love on. xoxo

Thomas and Camilla January 2017 Date Day Part 2 1.31.17 #4

**Update** March 1 2017:  Just when I thought that 2014 was the culmination of the knees hitting the floor! There was more and deeper work to be done. Definitely not because it is fun. I had been harboring deeply buried hurts, pain, anger, and guilt from my childhood. I am currently in the fourth week of an intense five session reflexology and energy work course.

It has been literally kicking my butt. Seriously, physically painful …. Like, I thought I was dying two weekends ago. Holy heck! What webs we weave to not feel uncomfortable feelings.

Yet, absolutely, totally, amazingly, and miraculously freeing … FREEDOM. I have chosen to walk into the fear of my past, my personal shadows and darkness. So as to live my life from each and every present moment; rather than reacting from the past. And, thereby creating my future from the present moments and NOT from the past.

YES!

Meditation is like drinking water for me. It is simply something that is vital to my well being.

I still meditate about four to five mornings a week between twenty to sixty minutes a session.

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Wonderfully exciting news! My 10 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer has arrived. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest Articles:
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Why I Meditate and Journal Write

Meditating and Asking

This morning during meditation and prayer, I expressed that I was ready to release certain aspects of my life. As I was ready to face whatever needed to arise and be embraced.

During journal writing, I asked, “What am I to focus my attention on today?”

Basically, the answer that came forth was to focus on being present in each moment. That I am to give each person I am with my undivided attention. Also, that I am to fill my heart with love and send that to each person with whom I speak. And that the overall focus of the day was to listen, with the word of the day being … LISTEN.

Receiving

Not too long after the above, one unwanted action by Thomas towards Lillian, eventually erupted into full blown “disturbance of the peace”. The peace of our humble abode.

I felt my lower self hook into the unkindness being exchanged between Thomas and Lillian. Thoughts of, “Why does this have to happen? Why does this arise and ruin the quiet of the morning? Why …. ?”

There was much yelling, door slamming, and unkind words being thrown about. I remained to the side until I allowed that hook to pull me in and add my own string of profanities and demands into the mix.

Thomas chose to go for a walk; which was a wonderful choice to make in that moment. Shortly after that, something within switched and the thought, “Have you acknowledged how Lillian feels?” Did you LISTEN?

Ah, yes. Not just acknowledging with words, but with love and understanding. Did I listen? Well, crap! I did neither of those.

And, then … I did …..

And Lillian and I had a meaningful and healing conversation. One in which we talked about closed hearts, hearts turned cold and turned to stone, and the opening and thawing of said hearts.

When Thomas returned from his walk, Lillian had not fully released the hook of, “I need to get you back for what you did.” In other words, revenge. You did this to me and now I must do this to you.

This is a painful trigger for me. Not a trigger that causes anger or similar feelings to arise. A trigger of resisting, pushing against others need for this. I used to have this same need. I no longer do and it causes my whole being to wilt in the presence of it.

This is one of the reasons I teach and model for them to “let it go”, to not respond from the lower self, and that an argument cannot continue if one person refuses to engage in the argument.

I made it clear in the most peaceful way possible that I would not allow this “revenge” by way of hitting or scratching. After much going back and forth, the matter was resolved with the two of them throwing a pillow back and forth to one another.

This entire episode lasted about an hour and a half to two hours. After this, and after everyone was calm and back to themselves, I went for a walk in the drizzling rain.

As I approached a tree, I felt the need to look up. This is what I saw and the message I received:

Tree Cradling Sun Cloudy Day Vintage Walk 2.7.17

I’ve got you.

You are never alone.

I am always here supporting you.

Further, as I was walking, I remembered what I had asked for in meditation and prayer and the journal message.

Realizing You Have Received

Aha! I see now. Yes, yes. So I spent much time filling my heart with gratitude for having experienced what I asked to experience and face.

In order that I may continue on this path I have chosen to travel ….

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Wonderfully exciting news! My 10 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer has arrived. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest Articles:
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How I Prepare for the New Year

Preparing:

January 2 2017:

Deep in review of 2016 and coming to a knowing of 2017. Listening to music, eyes closed at times, remembering, reflecting, envisioning. This feels different than any other time in the past. Feels wonderful, feels the pretense to a huge shift …. xoxo

review-of-2016-1-2-17

January 6 2017:

Finalizing review of 2016 and coming to the knowing of 2017. Lillian is done with this part of the process. And Thomas may create his in the moment.

We had a nearly two hour family meeting last night. I shared my theme of 2017 – The Shift. Shared my two words for the year: Knowing and Allowing. And my anchor – Writing.

I also shared that there is deep tiredness within me. All part of the process for me and a quality that is an integral part of the shift that will occur.

I will be releasing some things that do not serve me nor our family. And, as of now, may very well be as a tree and hibernate for the winter.

Prep Work for 2017 Goals and Visions 1.6.17

Beginning of Creating:

January 8 2017:

We’ve moved on to the next step! Perfect for the cleansing nature is processing right now with this rain.

Looking for words and pictures to capture our hearts desire for 2017. xoxo

Review 2016 and Plan 2017 Goals Vision Board 1.8.17

Creating:

January 10 2017:

On to the next step …. Making art of our 2017 hearts desire.

We each create our own and we create a Team TLC vision. This feels amazing!

Making Art of Heart's Desire Vision Board 2017

Final Vision:

January 14 2017:

Completed the art version of my 2017 Heart’s Desire … Feels incredibly powerful.

The theme for 2017 is “The Shift” (I deeply feel this does not solely apply to me as I feel there is to be a collective shift.)

The two words for 2017 are “Knowing” and “Allowing”. Knowing is comprised of Spirituality, Meditation, and Mindfulness. Allowing is comprised of allowing my good from expected and unexpected sources.

The anchor for 2017 is Walking and Writing.

The theme, two words, and anchor are cradled in the embrace of LOVE. ….. Now on to The Team TLC art version of our collective heart’s desire for 2017.

Camilla's 2017 Vision Board 1.14.17

Previous Creations and Visions:

I’ve been creating boards since about 2008 or 2009. So I’ve developed my own method using ideas learned from others and my intuition. The past few years they’ve gotten “livelier”.

Once I began to have a theme, focus words, and an anchor – they became more powerful. Here is the progression showing 2015 and 2016.

Camilla's Vision Board 2015

2015 Theme was LOVE, two theme words were “Love” and “Meditation”, and anchor was “Treasure is Within” …. This was the year that my meditation practice shifted and became deeper than I could have imagined.

My two grandmothers, who are no longer with us, visited me in meditation and in my dreams. They delivered a message (during a time of intense need of receiving said message) that the treasure I seek is within me and always has been. I had just hidden it. All of this happened during the year AFTER I created the board.

Camilla's Vision Board for 2016

Here’s 2016. I wasn’t done with love yet. So the theme was LOVE again and two words were “Love” and “Mindfulness.” With the anchor being “Writing” …

I had a few articles accepted for publishing during 2016 and continued to open my heart to love and focused heavily on mindfulness.

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Wonderfully exciting news! My 10 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer has arrived. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest Articles:
[catlist name=blog]