Throwback Post: Speaking Up and Speaking Out


July 24 2020

I’ve lived nearly all my life in fear of speaking up, speaking out for this reason. I’m done with it. My heart cracked open on May 25th and I will be silent no longer. Thank you to AOC for this powerful speech.

I grew up with a low self esteem instilled in me, thinking I was stupid, and that I did everything wrong. I’m still finding my footing. There are still things I don’t post, or speak up about.
I remember feeling similar when I began to post deep, spiritual content. I feared being thought of as crazy. I walked into that fear, and I’m still alive! Ha!

Now, I fear those who will shame me for what I say or share, or who will spew anger my direction. All of that stems from my childhood. I’m ready to walk into that fear. I know I’m not alone and I know I will not die from sharing my opinions, my views, and I will not die from being called a crazy woman. My ex-husband called me that enough times, my immunity is in tact.

It’s safe to say, I’ve had many unpleasant experiences. However, they’ve helped shape my heart and soul. That, and the last 15 years of deep diving to heal, have paved the way to trust myself, and to openly share my thoughts and opinions.

We don’t always have to be eloquent with our words. I rather like using the word fuck. It helps to channel the intense energy. Wait until you hit 50. Any remaining fucks will be on their way out the door!

When Lillian was 5 or 6 years old, I used to tell her that her differences would be to her advantage, that she could use her differences to stand out and for her benefit. I don’t know if she remembers any of this, but, I do know that she seems to have no fear in announcing to the world things about herself.

I feel I’m very strong in the areas of advocating for my kids, and certain areas for myself. Where I would like to improve is that I am incredibly thin skinned when it comes to criticism and being in the midst of confrontation and arguing. I’m aware that this comes from childhood and think the only way it will improve is for me is to walk into it. I’m game!

Now, I’ve been known to act crazy. That’s for sure. Seriously, though, from my experience, whenever someone resorts to “You’re crazy”, it’s because they don’t want to engage in a conversation, and in some cases gaslighting is involved.

**Update – November 29 2021** I have definitely improved with my ability to say “No”, to speak up for myself. One area I still continue to work, is not being concerned of what others think or say about content that I write, or other’s content that I share. 

See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 20 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 16 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Dear Thoughts: I Want To Be Happy With Myself


“I wish to be okay with myself.” This is what I heard him say. And, this is the message I relay to him.

Dear You:

Your wish shall be granted. Your heart knows you are okay just the way you are. You are the way you are for a reason. And that reason has nothing to do with causing suffering for your self. You are uniquely you for a beautiful reason.

You are worthy and okay. This is a self supporting statement. The words “because” need not be included as it does not apply. You are worthy. You are okay.

You DO NOT have to be a certain way or DO certain things. You don’t have to dress a certain way, talk a certain way, live a certain way, say certain words or say them in a certain way. You don’t have to say words you think others want to hear.

As each tree serves an interdependent purpose in the forests, you serve an interdependent purpose in the forests of human life. A purpose unique to you and which only you can serve.

Simply by being you, the benefit will come to others. Others miss out on this benefit, if you choose to listen to the ego and not the heart. For the ego will tell you and is the one telling you that you are not okay.

Keep your heart open to the unique gifts and talents you are to share with others. Turn your eyes and ears to those who have done the same and who listen only to the message of their heart. You will see it shine from the face of the ones. You will feel it exuding from the ones. These are the ones who will guide and mentor you to listen to the heart and not the ego.

“I wish to be okay with myself.”

Indeed, you are not alone in this wish. You spoke the words so many of us feel. May we all join in the knowing of our hearts.

Your Heart


P.S. This was written to my son, Thomas, in December 2016 or January 2017. He and I attended a ceremony of releasing the old and calling in the new. He had remained quite during the entire event. He’s 12 years old now.

On the last pass of the bowl where we were releasing and calling in, he said ever so quietly, “I wish to be okay with myself.” My heart fell to pieces as well as my eyes began sweating like crazy (a term Thomas coined for crying when he was a wee young one).

I am so incredibly blessed by his presence in my life and many times over have been shown why we chose one another as Mom and Son …. xoxo


See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer has arrived. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

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*Inspiring letter for low self-esteem