Author Archives: Camilla

Movie Musings: Gardens and Bells and Kindness

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Back to the Secret Garden Movie Night 2013

April 2013 Movie Night:

“Back to the Secret Garden” (amazon affiliate link)  … Indeed a magical place … We loved it!

The Bells of St Mary's Movie Night April 2014

“The Bells of St. Mary’s” (amazon affiliate link) ….

“In the land of beginning again where the sky is always blue” ….. What a great movie! All team members say “Yes, we like it!”

Sugihara Movie Night April 2016

Sugihara – Conspiracy of Kindness  (amazon affiliate link) …

I say, “Incredible man. Incredible story.” …. “Do what’s right because it’s right. Not what you’ll get in return. Just do what’s right.” ~Chiune Sugihara …”If you saved the life of one person, it’s as if you saved the whole world.” ~Jewish Proverb ….

Lillian says, “Good, emotional, incredible, and educational.” Thomas says, “Good, meaningful, inspirational, interesting, and I liked the interviews.”

Blessings,

Team TLC

See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Did you know I wrote a book? It’s titled “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance” and you can read more about it here.

Latest “Book and Movie Musings”:

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Getting To The Bottom Of Grumpiness

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“Go to Nature’s School – the one true university.” ~John Muir

(Here’s one to share my sense of humor with you. I may not share it much in my writings, yet I attempt to bring humor into every single day. For me, humor is the ointment that soothes the rawness of life …. )

One Sunday not too long ago, I was in a downright grumpy mood. Thomas and Lillian had joined in on the grumpiness. The tension and angst in the air was as thick as mud.

I completely disconnected from being mindful or even attempting to connect with this emotion. I ultimately decided to excuse myself and go for a much needed walk to connect with this grumpiness so as to release it.

A mere few minutes after heading out for the walk, I passed by this rock …

As I walked around the lake, my eyes kept catching glimpses of something – over and over again. It’s like I was going to keep seeing it until I truly noticed and the sight of it brought a smile to my face.

It not only brought a smile to my face; I laughed out loud. And, had to take pictures!

What broke the grip of this grumpiness?

Ducks and Their Bottoms. That’s right. Duck bottoms.

As I passed by ducks in the water, I kept thinking, something doesn’t look right. As I got closer I saw that the ducks had their head under the water. When a duck’s head is under water, their back end pops up. All you see is duck feet and duck bottom bobbing along!

I had noticed this in past walks, yet it didn’t move me like it did this time. Plus, it seemed like every single duck I passed had their head under water with their bottom just bopping along!

The picture is blurry as I had to zoom to get close enough. Yet, I think you get the idea.

By the time I walked in the door, I felt I had mostly shed whatever was causing the grumpiness. I entered with a much more joyful and peaceful heart ready to NOT bite any drama hooks dangled in front of me.

So, let’s get to the bottom of this post. 😉

When you know you’ve dug your heels in, you’ve bit into the grumpy (insert whatever negative emotion here) hook and are not going to let go easily; change your scenery, change the environment.

For me, that’s going for walk and being with nature. Being in nature may not have the same effect on you as it does with me. Find the sweet spot that helps you release the grip on that hook.

This is not to say that we push the negativity away. We still attempt to connect with how it feels so as to release it fully. Yet, sometimes this cannot be done in the moment or in the “space” we are within.

Now. Go find some duck bottoms and see if it doesn’t cause you to laugh … or at least smile … xoxo

This post is dedicated to Mother Nature, her beauty, her love, and her helpers!!

The picture of the stone honoring Mother Nature was taken at Rancho San Rafael Park and The Wilbur May Arboretum. Isn’t it interesting that it was donated and dedicated by someone with the initial “C”? And, it’s perfect for this post!

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Did you know I wrote a book? It’s titled “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance” and you can read more about it here.

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Book Musings: Robins and Freedom and Lady Slippers

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April 2014: “Who Wrote That – Louisa May Alcott” – (amazon affiliate link) Lillian read this yesterday and loved it! She kept sharing sections with me that she thought were interesting. She loved this poem and I thought it was pretty cool too!!

To the First Robin

WELCOME, welcome, little stranger,
Fear no harm, and fear no danger;
We are glad to see you here,
For you sing “Sweet Spring is near.”
Now the white snow melts away;
Now the flowers blossom gay: Come dear bird and build your nest,
For we love our robin best.

I had a Pema Chodron marathon a few months back! Here’s another!

Taking the Leap – Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears (amazon affiliate link)

“Again and again, we run from discomfort and go for short-term symptom relief, which never addresses the root of the problem. We’re like an ostrich sticking its head in the sand in hopes of finding comfort. …. this continual cycle of avoiding the present is referred to as self-absorption, self-clinging, or ego.

One way to practice staying present is to pause, look out, and take three deep breaths. Another way is to simply sit still for a while and listen. Simply listen to the sounds in the room. For one minute, listen to the sounds close to you. For one minute, listen to the sounds at a distance. Jut listen attentively. The sounds isn’t good or bad. It’s just sound.”

LOVE her books!!

The Legend of the Lady Slipper – (amazon affiliate link) 

Great retelling of an Ojibwe legend about lady slippers, courage and love. We enjoyed it!

Blessings, Camilla

See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Did you know I wrote a book? It’s titled “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance” and you can read more about it here.

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G is for Gift

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(Excerpt from my book, “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance”)

Each and every person on this Earth is unique, and holds a gift to share with the World . . . our true selves. This includes those in our society who have a handicap, disabilities, and those with special needs. Many of us keep our true selves buried deep within, as I did, for fear that we will be considered different and unaccepted. Some of us just need a little extra help in the form of guidance to nurture and grow our special gifts. Okay, maybe a lot of extra help! Everyone benefits when we let our differences and gifts radiate and glow.

Our differently-abled children simply process the world, information, and life, differently than we do; but they are in good company. There have been many throughout history who also processed differently; like Albert Einstein; Michelangelo; Thomas Edison; Amelia Earhart; and Steve Jobs, to name a few. They had amazing, life changing, life improving gifts, and were successful in spite of their label as freaks and kooks. Today the labels may have changed, but the thoughts still remain.

Lillian is a young lady who shines like no other, and has a beautiful inspiring energy about her. She and children like her teach us lessons about acceptance and change. This is one of their gifts. As an integral spoke in the wheel they can turn around societal and stereotypical views that they don’t have anything to offer; are a drain on our country’s resources; or views that they, and their family are unhappy and should be pitied.

Another one of Lillian’s gifts is showing us the benefits of embracing technological innovation, and the shift in the way we communicate. Technology can be life changing and life improving for some amongst us, and should be approached with an open mind. We no longer solely communicate with our mouths and voices as a society. A great majority of us use technology and social networking sites to stay connected, communicate, and conduct business.

On a beautiful summer day in 2009, I visited Lillian at school. Her class was at recess. As I stood chatting with Lillian’s teacher, I was scanning for Lillian among the sea of kids. My eyes landed on a petite young lady pulling a cart behind her. Yes, that was my Lillian, pulling a cart loaded with her DynaVox unit. Tears welled in my eyes, a lump formed in my throat, and my knees got weak. I thought, “There has to be something better.” I made a firm commitment to myself and to Lillian in that moment that I would find something more mobile and compact for her to use to communicate, something that did not make her stand out. I began monitoring the use of keywords and phrases like speech impaired, nonverbal, and AAC on Twitter and Google Alerts. Almost immediately I came across Twitter mentions of an application for the iPhone and iPod touch by the name of Proloquo2Go that had just been released four months earlier. Proloquo2Go is a communication solution with natural sounding text-to-speech voices for people who have difficulty speaking. I researched a bit more, went to the Apple store, and bought Lillian an iPhone. With Proloquo2Go installed, I gave it to her that day when I picked her up at the bus stop. A meeting with the school followed that same week to inform them she would no longer be using the DynaVox and would be using the iPhone instead. Lillian figured out the iPhone and Proloquo2Go within a week. This was technological innovation at its absolute best! Turning Views Foundation’s Gift-a-Voice Project was birthed from this experience (Learn more at www.TurningViewsFoundation.org).

Today, our communication methods have shifted and are literally evolving to include more of our society than ever before. When a mother of a speech impaired, or nonverbal child “hears” “I Love You” or “Mom” for the first time, it touches their heart like nothing else can. According to the National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders, 7.5 million people in the United States have trouble using their voices for one reason or another. This includes people who are nonverbal, speech impaired, autistic, hearing impaired or who have dysarthria, apraxia, or aphasia due to chromosome abnormalities, Multiple Sclerosis, stroke, Cerebral Palsy, brain injury and many other conditions.

To fully grasp the impact technology has in your daily life, take note throughout your day just how often you communicate using technology via email, text or social networking sites. If you still conduct many of your conversations over the phone, or face to face, stop and think, “How would I be having this conversation if I did not have the use of my voice, or if I could not articulate what I’m trying to say?” There are options now that weren’t available years ago. One of Lillian’s gifts is using my voice to show how technological innovation is benefiting society.

Our children with special needs are not broken, and do not need to be fixed. When we use negative words like “problems”, “cannot”, and “deficits” to define disability it is difficult to see the positive gift our child possesses. Focusing on what our child cannot do, is a barrier to seeing their gifts. When we accept that it is their “normal” to have special needs; our eyes can be opened to see our child’s gift that probably has been right there all the time.

Some will continue to only view those differently-abled as having something wrong with them and being limited. These same people won’t take the time, nor would have the patience to connect with those who are differently-abled. Unfortunately, they miss the experience of being on the receiving end of a unique heartfelt gift, a gift that only those with patience and peace can receive.

Until we have moved past the guilt stage and are well on our way to acceptance of ourselves and our children, it will be impossible to see the gift in situations, and the gift of our children, with and without special needs. No matter what, guilt gives power to the wrong thoughts and is a barrier to acceptance. Even in our most painful lessons there are hidden gifts whether we see them as such or not. The process requires patience with ourselves and not forcing the process to get over the guilt and “why” questions quickly. Guilt is a stage we simply must make our way through. Rest assured, when you arrive on the other side of guilt, you will realize the gift you hold, the gift your child holds and the gifts revealed through situations.

Tip for the Journey:

Identify and embrace your child’s strengths, needs, interests, fears and motivators. Focus on your child’s strengths and be open to providing opportunities for them to express themselves and their thoughts. Remember; don’t discount qualities that you or others find odd, irritating, or annoying. That just may be the wrapping paper around the gift they hold. Provide opportunities for them to paint, play an instrument, make crafts, dance, practice yoga, swim, play sports, write and use their hands to create.

Heartfuly Inspired,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Latest “Special Needs Parenting” Articles:
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Photography Musings: Love This World

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“I am in love with this world.” ~Me

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Did you know I wrote a book? It’s titled “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance” and you can read more about it here.

Latest “Photography Musings”:
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Go here to subscribe to my blog to ensure you receive new posts delivered straight to your inbox! Right here

Letting Go Burning Ceremony

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“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

In the first quarter of 2016 we had an impromptu “Team TLC Letting Go Burning Ceremony”. I hadn’t planned this. The idea came to me the morning before.

After dinner, I explained to Thomas and Lillian what we’d be doing. Writing down habits, fears, beliefs that hold us back on a strip of paper. Then, reading each one aloud, touching it to the candle flame, saying some type of farewell phrase and dropping it into the coffee can.

We wrote stories, beliefs, habits, and fears on strips of paper. It was such a wonderful, blissful feeling sitting with both of them doing this. They really, truly understood the process and what types of things to write on the strips.

I was so moved. There was a beautiful excitement in the air. A magical anticipation of releasing habits, beliefs and fears that do not serve us and hold us back.

We sat around the can and a candle. Thomas went first, then Lillian and then me (Team TLC order, of course). I was moved to tears hearing each of them read habits, fears, and beliefs that they bid farewell.

They were surprised to hear some of what I had written on my slips. I think it was good for them to hear some of the things I choose to feel guilty about at times and negative beliefs that I’m still dislodging.

So beautiful, amazing, wonderful, blissful. We will make this a regular Team TLC event .. quarterly, twice a year, or at the minimum, once per year.

**LOVE OFFERING** If you find this content helpful, I invite you to toss a tip in the love offering bowl. With oceans of gratitude … Camilla ….

love-cards-in-a-basket-october-2016

May you treat yourself to something similar in the coming days. xoxo

This was inspired by a combination of a previous blog post, The Tao of Letting Go, and a couple of books I’m reading. It was also inspired by a blog post I read titled, “A Lesson in Letting Go”, from Sacred Science. There’s a wonderful letting go ceremony included in the blog post.

Interested in having me speak at an event or gathering about mindfulness and emotional connection? Contact me here. 

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Did you know I wrote a book? It’s titled “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance” and you can read more about it here.

Latest Articles:
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Go here to subscribe to my blog to ensure you receive new posts delivered straight to your inbox! Right here!

Movie Musings: A Journey and A Pooka and A Princess

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“The Hundred-Foot Journey” (amazon affiliate link) … I say, “Just loved!!! Loved Helen Mirren! Poetic, passionate, and full of compassion and heart!” Thomas says, “Amazingly awesome, funny, full of happiness, liked the music, great, amazing, really good.” Lillian says, “Good, awesome, amazing, good humor, good music, good effects, funny, good ending, good scenery, and good beginning.”

“Harvey” (amazon affiliate link) – Second time around for this one. We seem to have made this an Easter Eve tradition.

I say, “I LOVE this movie!! Josephine Hull is hilarious! And James Stewarts’ lines are inspiring! “I always have a wonderful time wherever I am and whoever I’m with. Everyday is a beautiful day. I was finally able to leave reality behind. My mom always said that you could be smart or pleasant. I chose pleasant after trying smart out for a while.”

Thomas says, “Good, funny, fun-loving, good joking, good acting, good music, and inspiring.” Lillian says, “Funny, good actors, awesome, adventurous, and good.”

Throwback to a Team TLC 2012 Movie Night …. The Little Princess (amazon affiliate link) … Enjoyed by all three of us!

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Did you know I wrote a book? It’s titled “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance” and you can read more about it here.

Latest “Book and Movie Musings”:
[catlist name=book-and-movie-musings]

Dear Meltdown: Meet My Friend Mindfulness

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Anger is like a storm rising up from the bottom of your consciousness. When you feel it coming, turn your focus to your breath. ~Thich Nhat Hanh

I recently received the honor of having one of my articles accepted for publication by Elephant Journal. I was inspired a couple of months ago by blog posts which are letters openly written to others. For example, Dear Person at the Grocery Store, Dear Lady in the Bookstore, Dear Stressed Out Mom, and the like.

Upon seeing these I knew I was to write something like this. At that same time, I also knew I wanted to share something meaningful about the meltdowns that Lillian is experiencing. The next thing I knew, I was writing a letter to her meltdown. I was pouring my heart out to that meltdown. This is the result and this is what Elephant Journal published …

Meltdown (per Merriam-Webster) – an accident in which the core of a nuclear reactor melts and releases radiation, a very fast collapse or failure, a very fast loss of emotional self-control. (emphasis mine)

Mindfulness – (per Merriam-Webster) – the quality or state of being mindful, the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one’s thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis; also such a state of awareness.

Letter written to the meltdowns that my 14 year old special needs daughter experiences:

Dear Meltdowns, Welcome and Meet My Friend Mindfulness

Sometimes I’m able to sense when you’re lurking in the shadows. Sometimes I’m not. And you sneak up like a cat stalking its prey.

You penetrate the peace of an otherwise tranquil day like an earthquake suddenly rocking and rolling in the middle of a quiet night’s sleep. You are the complete opposite of fun and joy.

You are loud, aggressive, physically harmful, and verbally malicious. You lack compassion, empathy, and kindness. You take all actions and words personally.

What I want you to know is that I welcome you. Not like I’d welcome my best friend coming over for coffee and chatting. I welcome you like one later appreciates a grumpy relative during the holidays knowing that being around this person can help us to learn more about our own triggers.

You are helping us to know what emotions and situations Lillian has resistance to fully experiencing. You are the red flag that goes up as a warning that THIS is where she feels vulnerable.

So, I welcome you. I meet you with love.

When I am in a peaceful, mindful state, going with the flow of life, I handle you just as easily as a leaf floating in the wind. I choose not to accept your meltdown hook.

When I’m resisting life, choosing grumpiness, and having an off day, I accept the hook you’ve thrown out and jump right in with both feet. These are the times I learn more about myself.

Either way, one thing I know for sure is that you are not the true Lillian. The true Lillian is there, and you are simply acting as a buffer so she doesn’t have to experience the rawness of life. It is my hope that as I meet you with kindness and compassion, you see that it’s okay to move aside.

Lillian can handle the unexpected, the discomfort of not getting her desires, and the “letting go” of learning to be flexible. It’s okay to release your grip.

I will continue to meet you with a calm voice and compassion as often as possible, until the day you realize it’s okay to become dormant, slip into an eternal sleep, and allow a miracle – the miracle of Lillian fully experiencing emotions and going with the flow of life.

Love,
Camilla (Mom to Lillian)

Lillian has a rare genetic condition called 18p-. This means that she is missing the short arm of chromosome number 18 and it affects about 1 in 50,000. The main way this manifests for her is that she is speech impaired, and has balance and motor skill issues. Also, for the past year and a half she has struggled with experiencing anxiety and difficult emotions.

Situations that can cause Lillian to meltdown:

  • Events not unfolding as anticipated
  • Schedules being adjusted
  • Communication difficulties
  • Being reprimanded
  • Teasing from her sibling

In July 2015, Lillian had the worst explosive meltdown we’ve ever experienced. We made a quick stop at the grocery store to get a few items.

As I paid for our items, Lillian caught up with me, and once I was finished, I could sense her energy shift. Apparently, there was a miscommunication between us about looking at more gluten free desserts.

This quickly led to a volcanic explosion for Lillian. Fortunately, I was close to the exit doors, so I made my way out and headed to the car with Lillian melting down behind me. I quickly got into the car and invited Lillian to do the same if she was going with me. She was not open to doing any of the mindfulness techniques we’ve been learning.

I decided to start making our way home even though she had not calmed down – not the best choice in that moment. She was scratching, pinching, and pulling my hair from behind.

I pulled the car over, turned to Lillian and screamed some ridiculously outrageous comments. I quickly realized I must get out of the car. We needed space between us as I was bleeding and in a great deal of pain from the scratches and she was a big hot mess.

Once out, I closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths, and asked to see the situation differently. Upon opening my eyes, I saw, shining up at me from the rock and dirt filled ground, a beautiful red jewel heart. There was my answer, a reminder to always respond with love.

At this point, Lillian was ready to do a calming, mindful technique and I requested that she do it on her own. She got out of the car, chose to pick up a couple of rocks and studied them. After a few minutes we got back into the car and drove home.

We’ve not had anything of that magnitude happen since and I am hopeful this was simply “one step backward” before more steps forward. When this happens, one of us must be fully present and mindful or things can escalate.

Lillian has been seeing a psychotherapist since April 2015. We are working on cognitive behavioral therapy with mindfulness training. Additionally, I work with her on physically feeling the emotions within her body.

She has made great progress. It’s slow going, yet I feel we are closer to the ultimate goal.
The miracle of Lillian truly experiencing negative emotions and the rawness of life without the buffer of a meltdown.

At some time or another it’s possible we’ve all experienced our own version of a meltdown. Mindfulness is a miraculous practice to bring into one’s life. Once we become practitioners of mindfulness, more often than not, we are able to remain calm and peaceful when we or our children experience the rawness of life.

With mindfulness we are able to tune into our body and notice the beginning signs of a meltdown; clenched jaw, increased heart rate, tight shoulders or neck, stomach pain.

At this point we can say or think to ourselves, “There is anger inside of me.” This is the opposite of thinking or saying, “I am angry.” These two statements have completely different meanings and will take one down different paths.

Once we acknowledge there is anger (or any other uncomfortable emotion) within us, we can then put our focus on how this physically feels in the body. Is it tight, rolling, moving from place to place?

Let’s be real here. This is absolutely not fun and can be extremely uncomfortable. Yet, if we stick with this practice, it will become more of a habit and eventually the uncomfortable emotion will release.

If we wish to help our children, special needs or not, in this area, we must first practice this for ourselves and model this to them. Why would they meet a meltdown in this way if they never see us do this?

Examples of mindfulness techniques used with Lillian and her sibling, Thomas:

  • Focusing attention on a favorite rock, gemstone, or crystal. Concentrating on how it feels, looks, smells, and sounds.
  • Breathe work. At times with no phrase and at times with different variations of phrases.
  • Focus on in and out breath.
  • Breathing in, I am calm. Breathing out, I am peaceful.
  • I am in control. I can handle this situation.
  • Guided 5 minute mindful exercises.
  • Relaxing each area of the body.
  • Focusing on different areas of the body.
  • Walks in nature to include focus on flowers, trees, birds, ducks, etc.
  • Thinking or saying a peace mantra, Om Shanti Om.
  • Taking turns describing in detail another family member (remembering to use non-judgmental words) and similar family exercises.

These techniques were learned by me during the past 18 years of reading, studying, and practicing the teachings of Thich Nhat Hahn, Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra, Lao Tzu, Pema Chodron, Raphael Cushnir, and The Dalai Lama.

In between monitoring the debut of the article yesterday, there was a meltdown. Lately they are brought on by disagreements with her sibling .. Thomas. So, as I sat sharing, responding, and getting the word out; my hands were stinging with fresh scratches.

I have faith that with the mindfulness exercises we practice, discussions of recognizing emotions, and time spent in nature; eventually Lillian will succeed in going with the flow and simply letting things go ..

I must share with you that when I received the email from elephant journal Sunday night, I panicked. A wave of anxiety and fear swept over me and I felt as if I was drowning in sadness. Thoughts of what others would think of these words straight from my heart weighed heavy on me.

I went to bed Sunday night connecting with these feelings, focusing on how they physically felt in my body. The feeling had subsided some by the time I got up the next morning. After an hour of meditation and a solo walk in the fresh snow, it had completely lifted and I was free to allow and receive joy. I felt it was important to share this with you.

Would you like to help spread the word? Here are ways you can help:

  • Have me speak to your group about mindfulness and emotional connection
  • View the article on Elephant Journal’s website
  • Leave a comment on their website by scrolling to the bottom of the article
  • Share the article using the share buttons near the bottom of the article (feel free to tag me if you share on facebook)
  • Blog about the article on your own blog (like Tania Marie did on her blog)
  • Leave a comment here
  • Share this article using the share buttons
  • email the article to others
  • Share with parenting groups, including special needs parenting groups

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 20 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here. 

Wonderfully exciting news! My 16 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Book Musings: Titanic and Scary Places and Sailors

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Titanicat (amazon affiliate link)

Beautifully illustrated story of the cat of the Titanic. I didn’t even know there was a ship cat! We sure enjoyed this one!

Have yet to read one of Pema Chodron’s books that I don’t find meaningful. So raw and real! Love, love, love!!

The Places That Scare You (amazon affiliate link)

“We are being encouraged to remain open to the present groundless moment, to a direct, unarmored participation with our experience. We are certainly not being asked to trust that everything is going to be all right. Moving in the direction of nothing to hold on to is daring. We will not initially experience it as a thrilling, alive, wonderful way to be. How many of us feel ready to interrupt our habitual patterns, our almost instinctual ways of getting comfortable?”

The Shipwrecked Sailor (amazon affiliate link)

Based on a 19th century B.C. Egyptian story found on a papyrus scroll. Mysterious and enchanting! We absolutely enjoyed this one!

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Did you know I wrote a book? It’s titled “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance” and you can read more about it here.

Latest “Book and Movie Musings”:
[catlist name=book-and-movie-musings]

Mindful Parenting – A Solution for Sibling Fighting

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Let this moment be the teacher.

“Out of clutter, find simplicity.
From discord, find harmony.
In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” ~Albert Einstein

At times, Thomas and Lillian simply do not get along. I’m sure we’ve all experienced this as parents or with our own siblings or cousins.

My response varies depending on mindfulness, my own emotional state, and timing. One area I continue to work on shifting is my initial internal response to conflict. Throughout my childhood and teenage years, there was a great deal of arguing and conflict. It became my habit to withdraw, shrink, and shut down in order to escape.

I still have times when I choose to escape. This has gotten better. I continue to be aware, catch it when this happens, not “bite” that hook, and know that it can be handled a different way and there’s no need to hold anxiety from the past.

What I have found to be an incredible combination for helping Thomas and Lillian discover their own way out of the tensions is when I stay calm and mindful and use the surroundings of the moment as a teacher. During these times creativity and improvising blossom into the situation.

“My whole life has been one big improvisation.” ~Clint Eastwood

In one instance, the arguing kept going back and forth. He says such and such. She responds with such and such. No, I’m right. You’re  wrong. You’re such and such. On and on.

I spontaneously stood in the middle of the room. Got their attention, and proceeded to act out a one woman skit. I began with this:

“Thomas and Lillian: What I have learned is that is impossible to have an argument with yourself. Watch. Let me demonstrate. I turned and faced to the right and pretended like I was arguing with someone and saying unkind things.

Then I turned to the left and pretended to be this other person facing the bearer of the unkind things. I remained silent and just stared. Then I looked at Thomas and Lillian. I said, See. Argument over. If one person chooses not to respond, not to bite the hook, the argument cannot continue. It ceases.” I did it again just for emphasis.

They were mesmerized. Partly, I’m sure, as I was in such an animated state. Exaggerating my movements and words. I had not pre-meditated this as a response. I did not stop myself when the thought occurred. I just went with it. There was no more arguing for the rest of the evening.

Another time they were not in the midst of an argument, I improvised and spontaneously chose flowers as the teacher. I happened to have a vase of beautiful, amazing stargazer lilies. I was talking to the lilies – thanking them for sharing their beauty and scent with me and for adding to my joy.

Thomas and Lillian were giggling about this and I’m quite sure Lillian told me I was crazy. I told her “thank you” and added that I was extraordinary too. Then, I said to both of them:

“Look at how the flowers get along together. They aren’t fighting and struggling with one another. They are just BEing flowers. See that one leaning against the other one. He’s not saying, “Get your petal off of me. Don’t touch me. You’re gross.” This one is supporting that one. They are happy just being flowers and sharing their beauty with us. Imagine if we could be more like the flowers.”

They still argue. They still disagree. Yet, I know what I share with them is divinely inspired. I know it’s in their heart and mind somewhere. Sometimes they choose to completely ignore what I’ve shared and they both grab the “I’m arguing and not stopping till I’ve had the last word” hook.

Yet, sometimes they choose to remember and use what I’ve shared. As often as I can, I choose to use this as an opportunity for me to practice not falling back into old habits.

“Non-violence in action is a very potent force …. If we have the patience, things will change.” ~Cesar Chavez

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Did you know I wrote a book? It’s titled “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance” and you can read more about it here.

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