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Another summer and another Chromosome 18 Conference has come to an end. Another journey of adventures with crazy luggage, stairs, peaceful strolls along the Riverwalk, laughter, tears and …. magical moments. A journey to a place where not everyone knows … Continue reading
I poured through all of my pictures y’all and put a few together to mirror my journey as described in the book. Hope y’all enjoy it!
I’m pretty sure Lillian has said something like this at least once in the past. I’m not sure exactly why, but this time it felt like a punch to the gut.
Lillian falls frequently due to depth perception and balance issues. She fell pretty hard on the tile floor tonight, and this is what prompted her to make the, “I wish I wasn’t an 18p- girl” statement. She’s okay. Got one heck of a bruise on her elbow. I told her it was okay to feel like that and to wish she didn’t have 18p-. I also told her that 18p- is not who she is. I told her she is Lillian, and 18p- is just a special quality she has. She smiled and said, “I know.” Twenty minutes later she was fine and had forgotten all about her comment.
I didn’t though . . . Guess you could say this is my Moment of Defeat – Take Two.
The moment after she was in bed, I had that “time standing still” feeling and the tears began flowing. I began to question everything I’m doing, my belief system, my thought processes. I had the “Who do you think you are?” and “What are you doing?” thoughts in the mix too. The last time something like this hit so hard was in May 2010. I wrote about it here: A Moment of Defeat.
Why? Why did this statement, on this particular night, this particular week have this impact on me? Maybe partly due to the book I’m about to release in which I share about myself, my past, my thought processes and my belief system. I’m on the edge, facing some fears and taking hold of that vein of courage within me. Then, I’m sucker punched by one little statement from the little girl who inspired me to “be” where I’m at and to write this book.
Maybe partly due to needing a break from this beautiful young lady. Maybe partly due to feeling a bit guilty as I’ve not shown patience lately in understanding what Lillian is trying to say to me. Guilty because there are times when I cringe when I hear her begin to speak to me. I know I will not understand half of the words she speaks and I will have to focus 100% on what she’s trying to say and it will take double or triple the amount of time to understand one little sentence . . .
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Yep, this one hit hard. Only for a moment though (well, okay, maybe a few hours!). I remind myself that I DO exhibit patience more times than not, I DO choose to have a sense of humor and laugh about it with Lillian. I remind myself I KNOW why I wrote this book. I KNOW that my belief system and thought processes are right for me as this is what brought me to the acceptance and happiness that has always been right here within me. I remind myself that I am sharing it with others in the hopes that something I’ve written will give someone hope, encouragement and inspiration. I remind myself that just a few hours earlier a little girl with wisdom filled eyes looked in mine and said “I know.”
“I’m having so much fun I wish I could stay 5 years old forever!” – Thomas Darnell
We only get each day ONE time – no do overs allowed! Might as well enjoy the heck out of em! Hope each of y’all takes an opportunity today to have the imagination of a 5 year old!!
Ever have a hunch, a gut feeling, something telling you to do something right this very minute? Around July 1, 2011, I had an urge and a little voice telling me I needed to purge boxes in my garage. I wrote about it here. Some of these boxes had been packed since my separation in 2006.
I was feeling {an extremely strong feeling and longing] the need to simplify . . . get rid of stuff. I fought it though and kept making excuses as to why I could not do it right this minute. Too busy with other stuff, ya know. The feeling got stronger and stronger and the voice got louder and louder until I finally listened.
In the first few boxes I unpacked, I came across a book that I had completely forgotten about and had never read. That book is titled “E is for Entrepreneur” and it’s author is Barbara Hranivolich. I opened the book and inscribed on the first page was a message to me from Barb. It reads, “This never would have happened without you.”
I had completely forgotten that in 2007 I connected with Barb online and asked her if she would like to be a contributor on a blog I had at the time for women entrepreneurs. She began an alphabet series to tie in with being an entrepreneur. I read the book that night and discovered that Barb mentioned me in the C is for Collaboration chapter of the book also. She wrote, “There’s the woman I’ve never met in person, but who asked me to write these essays for her blog. What a gift!” Lastly, Barb included my name on her Gratitude List in the book. WOW!! What a powerful gift for me to receive!
For the past year and a half I have had the intention of writing a book and it had not materialized. I sat down and read Barb’s book and a few seconds after finishing the book, I had another urge, a spark of inspiration . . . yes, that gut feeling. THIS is how my first book was to be structured. I began to write this book the next morning. I started to get up earlier than I had been and wrote a section every morning. I delivered the first draft to my editor and a few “reviewer” friends on Friday, September 9, 2011.
“D iz for Different” is the title with a subtitle of “One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance”. It’s a memoir of how I came to accept myself and processed and accepted my function as parent to a child with special needs. Intertwined with how I have to come to think the way in which I do and live my life the way in which I do.
The book will be available in November 2011 at the latest; although I’m shooting for October 2011. I’ve received an endorsement for my book from Jim Stovall, author of “The Ultimate Gift” which was also a movie. I am grateful beyond words to Mr. Stovall and my heart and soul are warm and joyful for his kind words.
“As a blind person myself, I understand the challenge and blessing of doing things differently. In this book, Camilla shares her journey with Lillian which will help us all do more, give more, and be more.” Jim Stovall, Emmy-award Winner, Best-selling author, The Ultimate Gift
Not only that, I continued to purge in my garage, in my house and in my body. I have lost 23 pounds while writing this book and purging and simplifying. Disgust . . . that’s what did it. I was just plain disgusted with myself for having gained that weight over the last two years. I’d had enough, gosh darn it. So I just quit eating so darn much! I didn’t realize how much food I was eating.
I still eat all my favorite {junk} foods. I did not deprive myself of anything I enjoy drinking or eating. I simply ate and do eat less of it. Instead of eating half a bag of chips, I eat one serving. I still indulge in Dorinda’s chocolate when I have access to it and still have one or two Dove dark chocolates every day. I still drink dark lager beers like Guinness and Buckbean’s Black Noddy, still drink wine and still have a Bloody Mary and Dirty Martini when the occasion calls for it! I still eat ice cream, hot dogs, pizza and pasta . . . I just eat less of it.
*May 2018 Update* – I still love dark chocolate!! However, when I overhauled the way my family and I eat in 2012, I discontinued purchasing anything with artificial flavorings, colorings, dyes, and high fructose corn syrup. So, we eat Trader Joe’s brand dark chocolate these days. I no longer drink alcoholic beverages. I think it’s been nearly 2 years in that regard. And, I’m nearly at two years of being vegetarian also.
I also made one more major shift and change during this Purge Palooza. I think I’m gonna save that for another blog post. My gut’s saying to wait just a little longer on sharing that one!!
It is an indescribable feeling and my hope and the reason I share this with you is for each and every one of you to experience listening to your gut and hunches. You just never know what will come of it . . . Although, I bet you’ll find it’s exactly what you wanted . . . .
Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!
Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here.
Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.
And my book published in 2012, D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance; which reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon.
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Camilla and Lillian
“Most people see what is, and never see what can be.” -Albert Einstein
Observing, paying attention, being aware of the present moment. What’s happening, who you are with, are you having a conversation? Are you really being present for the conversation or are you thinking about all those bills that are due or what you’re making for dinner or what happened on the last episode of your favorite show.
Observing and paying attention are keys to our own happiness and success. In addition, they are crucial in our function as special needs parents. Have you noticed that many with intellectual disabilities are more intuitive than us typical folks. They can sense insincerity, they know when someone is not being present, not listening to them, “faking” kindness. {Just had someone point out that they think we ALL sense insincerity. I’m thinking I didn’t use the proper words to describe what was going on in my head! From my perspective, as Mom to Lillian, I have noticed that Lillian is super sensitive to adults in her charge who are insincere – even when I sometimes don’t initially sense it. I’m also not saying that those with intellectual disabilities are “more” than those of us who have all of our genes. I believe some who are missing genes have a heightened or increased awareness in some “areas”.}
How will we guide our kids with special needs into a fruitful, happy and successful future if we are not present for them? Observe their likes, dislikes, what are they good at doing, favorite hobbies and maybe they have topics or interests they seem obsessed with . . . the weather, the time, making lists, making a plan and sticking to it. Observe these and then use these qualities to their advantage in life. They like these things for a reason. It’s not up to us to figure out why they like or don’t like something or why they are obsessed with a topic. Let’s observe, be present and give them every single opportunity we can to blossom and use the special and unique gifts they have.
I recently returned from the Chromosome 18 Conference and I was humbled by the young adults. {The photo above is Lillian and I at Reno/Tahoe airport headed to the conference in Indy.} One of the last conversations I had with my Chromosome 18 family was in the hotel restaurant having lunch with 20 year old Kati. Kati’s mom, Deb, and I began talking about movies and I mentioned the Lion King. Kati said that was the first movie she had ever seen. Then she proceeded to tell me the second movie, the third movie, the fourth movie and on and on up to the Last Harry Potter movie she had seen. She remembers this about books she’s read also. I don’t know about you; but I find that pretty darn amazing. I was in awe of this young lady. How many of you remember every single movie you have seen beginning with the very first one. Kati loves to plan events and trips. She is planning a trip to Vegas for her 21st birthday which is a little less than a year from now. She loves horses and wants to travel to New Zealand and Florida. This young lady is amazing and look at the unique and special qualities she has been gifted.
I was also intrigued by how many of the young adults have as a dream working with animals and/or children. It seemed to be a very common thread. I asked my friend, Catherine Burzio, if she thought it was that each was simply picking up or borrowing what the previous young adult had said. She said “No, that’s not it at all”. It’s the unconditional love that animals and young children give. I fully understand that for one reason or another there are reasons that some of these young adults cannot work as a vet or even a vet assistant or in a child care facility. But, do you think if we observed them more and were present more we and possibly a coach and our community could find or create just the right fit for them. A fit that gives them the opportunity to do what they love and enjoy and are good at and earn money for themselves.
I don’t know and I’m not at all saying this is the right technique for everyone . . . I’m just thinkin “out loud”. What do you think?
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“Let the past be a servant for making the future both more enjoyable and profitable.” From “The Seasons of Life” by Jim Rohn
– My hope for each of you today is that you let go of at least one issue, friend or event from your past and enjoy TODAY! –
“The minute you begin to do what you really want to do, it’s really a different kind of life.” -Buckminster Fuller
Even if what you want to do seems like the silliest thing ever . . . I’m not talking about deep stuff here like what do I want to do with my life . . . Just simply going with your gut/intuition when being pulled towards an activity. Accept that there’s a reason . . . the reason will become clear if you simply trust yourself.
Last weekend I got the feeling, the urge that I wanted to go through boxes in my garage. I kept thinking “I don’t have time for this right now, I’ve got to do this, that and the other before the two conferences I’ve got upcoming in July.” I could not get this thought to go away. It’s as if there was something in those boxes pulling me out there and it was not gonna give up. I decided I’d go out there and just go through a few. Many of these boxes have been packed since moving to Reno in 2006 and my divorce in 2007. Some not as long as that, just since we made our last move about 2 or 3 years ago.
This is exactly what I need to be doing right now. I’m still going through them . . . in fact, I’m headed out there after I get this written. I’m definitely getting rid of a ton of stuff – boxes and boxes . . . some in the garbage, some to Goodwill and some to a friend who just had a baby.
The simply amazing aspect of this is that I’m also finding little treasures and messages that are perfectly timed. If I had ignored my gut telling me to “Do this NOW”, I would not be discovering these treasures and messages. I would not be processing and getting rid of some thorny little thoughts that still sneak their way back into my life.
Camilla’s Purge Palooza 2011 has shown me the path for something I’ve been stuck with for almost a year now. All I’m saying is that the quote above, “Do what you really want to do . . . ” doesn’t have to be about figuring out the meaning of your life or something deep. Just simply going with your gut/intuition when you get the urge that you should be doing this, that or the other. The reason will become crystal clear as you are doing it or shortly thereafter.
Here’s to trusting ourselves and going with our gut!
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