You are Amazing and I Believe in You

I’m currently “house cleaning” on my blog. I have drafts dating back to 2012 that got lost in the rush and hustle, in the ups and downs of this spiritual journey I have chosen to travel, down into the depths of my own darkness, up to the peaks of the light and love within us all.

Most of the drafts I come across, I’m deleting as, so far, they’ve just been one sentence or phrase and no longer speak to me. This one called to be posted and expanded upon.

***********************************************************************************************************

**THROWBACK POST**

October 8 2012:

After she had just shown me EVERY Mardi Gras costume she has designed, made herself, and worn in New Orleans at Mardi Gras since 1992; I said to her, “YOU are a talented woman! What do you do? Are you a designer?”

She got quite, her eyes welled with tears and I could feel the hurt and pain. She went on to explain that she has an MBA and things just haven’t lined up how she wants … she’s in limbo … she hasn’t made any money in a long time. She’s disappointed in herself …..

I instantly felt a connection with her. Those who know me, know why. I touched her arm and her heart, looked her in the eye and said, “YOU Are an Amazing and Talented Woman, What you Want WILL happen” …

I shared some of my story with her and gave her one of my books. When it was time to go, I gave her a big hug and repeated what I had said earlier.

I could have changed the subject right after I asked the question that brought her to tears. I could have. I chose not too.

I chose to let this woman know that she is loved, that she is perfect and that she is worthy. We have a choice when we come across these moments …. We have a choice … ♥ ♥ ♥

… I have committed to the World to not let an opportunity pass when I can either inspire someone, help them see their worth or just simply tell them they are amazing … Whether that’s with words I share with them, a look I share with them, or a warm, comforting hug …

I don’t do this to be recognized myself, I do this from the pain of not knowing my worth for so many years of my life … Too many of us were never taught at a young age that we are worthy just as we ARE and that we have a special and unique gift to share.

We search and search and we do stuff and do other stuff and look for what we are supposed to do to prove our worth, when all along it’s always been inside of us …. The more we teach our young that they are worthy, the healthier the human race will be … Love to all and a big, warm, loving, comforting hug … ♥ ♥ ♥

***********************************************************************************************************

Here’s how I’d like to expand on this ….

I do feel it is incredibly important that we let others know they are worthy, perfect as they are, that you believe in them, and that they are loved. However, to find ourselves in a consistent position of being able to do this; we must first turn the mirror on our self.

It is imperative that when we are triggered by others or when we are drowning in the depths of sadness, despair, and the like to let our self feel this.

I am speaking about physically feeling it. Where do you feel the sadness? Is it a heaviness in your stomach or chest or a tightness in your jaw or neck. Place your focus on the physical feeling without analyzing the feeling.

And, tell yourself everything that you needed to hear as a child. Make a script of all that you needed to hear.

For example: You are worthy and deserving of a joyful and peaceful childhood. I am sorry you did not have the childhood you craved. I am sorry I did not listen to you. I am sorry you did not feel heard. I believe in you. You are beautiful and wise.

Every single time you are triggered or in darkness, do this. For every time this is faced and felt and you tell your self what you needed to hear; you heal and your heart continues to open. I say this from experience, from practice, and the powerful and positive impact this has had on my life.

I did not create this exercise. I first read about emotional connection in 2014 in a book by Raphael Cushnir; “The One Thing Holding You Back”, and began the practices he suggested. I loosely continued with the practice throughout the years.

Recently, a new book found me at the library, titled, “Whatever Arises, Love That” by Matt Kahn. This book reminded me of the emotional connection practice AND added the practice of telling one self what one needed to hear as a child.

In my own words, “Love the hurt, love the pain, love the unknown, love all of it until it is released, transmuted and the heart opens even further.”

Over the past 17 or so years I have been a heavy and frequent user of the phrase and similar phrases like, “Love is the Answer” and “All You Need is Love.” For me, this practice of loving whatever arises gives a new and different meaning to this. It’s the next level. It’s the game changer. I’m in.

“Love is the impulse to embrace the innocence of life that brings spiritual harmony to the forefront of your experiences. Whenever love is poured into your heart or sent out as blessings to others, the light within all things awakens.” – Matt Kahn

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here. 

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

And my book published in 2012, D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance; which reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon.

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Poetry: Ode to the Sock

Sock, Oh Sock!
What a strange
creature you are!

Your creation was
meant for good
I can see that.

Yet, most times you come
equipped with a built in
irritator to rub
these precious feet.

Rub, rub, rub in a way
that the mind latches onto.
Latches onto and will not
let go until we remove
the offending creature
from our feet.

That seam!
That seam
make us want
to scream!

Sock, Oh Sock!

We simply want our toes
and feet to be free.
Free from the
confines of your
Scratchy
Stringy
Strangling
materials.

We do enjoy the softness
and warmth you provide
when needed.

Yet, most times
we would rather
you Be anywhere else
but confining our feet.

Sock, Oh Sock!
We send you love.
Yet, send you on your way.

Here’s to Toe and Foot Freedom …
©2018, Camilla Downs, Lessons from Nature

This poem inspired by my 12 year old child, Thomas, who asks, “Am I the only one that does not like socks and wears them inside out?”

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here. 

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

And my book published in 2012, D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance; which reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon.

Latest Articles:
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What Do We Truly Mean When We Say I Love You

I Love You

What do we truly mean when we say we love and accept another?

Do we love and accept the idea of them?

Do we love and accept them for how they make us feel?

or

Do we love and accept them for who they know themselves to be?

What do we truly mean when we say we we love and accept another?

Do we mean no matter what you tell me about yourself, my love will ever be there.
Do we mean no matter what you tell me about yourself, I accept you.
Do we mean no matter what you tell me about yourself, you are worthy.

or

Do we mean as long as who you are does not draw unlovely attention towards ME; my love will ever be there.
Do we mean as long as who you are does not cause others to view ME in an unkind or harsh manner, I accept you.
Do we mean as long as being who you are does not cause ME extra effort and work, I view you as worthy.

This is not a writing to preach which of these is correct and perhaps this makes no sense to you. Many times I write to be set free from the hurtful ramblings of the mind; to process and walk through the lovely and unlovely thoughts that weave through my mind.

I am moved to share to encourage others to write, to experience connection with others, and with the knowing that the person who would benefit from reading what I’ve written, will see it. I know my writings are not everyone’s cup of tea. Thank goodness as that would be too huge a cup to fill! HA!

I’ve been in a twenty year process to shed who I had become and have walked into embracing the first of these scenarios. Life presented me with opportunity after opportunity to stand back from situations and ponder which of these I choose to make my core.

Recently I received news that gave me an opportunity to go even deeper with this learning. I found there was a part of me still clinging to the second of these scenarios. I did not know this to be the case. How could I have known until presented with the situation? How can anyone view another’s choices and way of life, judging that they are doing it wrong and making wrong choices, if they have not been presented by life with opportunities to question their own beliefs?

This is what I have learned in the past few weeks as my heart has opened further than I even knew possible. As I made my way deeper within and communed with the Divine to break wide open what was still closed to loving ALL no matter what. Opening the heart space that is closed for so many of us. The heart space of loving and accepting no matter what that means to my ego, what others will choose to think or say, nor how many will choose to turn their backs.

And this I Know. It has meant the entire world to the one who was and is in need of my trust, support, and love.

And this I know. This has added another layer of patience and empathy. Another layer of stepping back, releasing judgment of others, and BEing the Divine Love that we all are …. Peace and love …. xoxo –©️2018, Camilla Downs

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here. 

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

And my book published in 2012, D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance; which reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon.

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Music that Inspires: Love

June 23 2018:

Writing about Love and this came on …. All we need is love …

“Love is my religion,
Love is my religion,
Love is my religion
I’ll take you to the temple tonight
All my days I’ve been searching,
To find out what this life is worth
Through the books and bibles of time
I’ve made up my mind
I don’t condemn, I don’t convert,
This is a calling have you heard
Bring all the lovers to the fold,
‘Cause no one is gonna lose their soul
Love is my religion,
Love is my religion,
Love is my religion
Hey you can take it or leave it,
And you don’t have to believe it
I don’t want to fight,
Hey let’s go fly a kite
There’s nothing that we can’t cure,
And I’ll keep you in my arms for sure
So don’t let nobody stop us,
Free spirits have to soar
With you I share the gift,
The gift that we now know oh oh oh
Love is my religion,
Love is my religion,
Love…” -Ziggy Marley

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here. 

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

And my book published in 2012, D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance; which reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon.

Latest Articles:
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Inspired by Nature: Love and Acceptance

June 22 2018:

The most amazing and wonderful sunset walk last night. Nature is an incredible gift and blessing. She inspires us to ponder.

Do we love and accept others for who they know themselves to be or do we love and accept our idea of them and how we think they make us feel? I’ve got a writing bubbling forth. Love, love, love.

Sunset Walk Vintage Lake 6.22.18 #1 Sunset Walk Vintage Lake 6.22.18 #2 Sunset Walk Vintage Lake 6.22.18 #3 Sunset Walk Vintage Lake 6.22.18 #4 Sunset Walk Vintage Lake 6.22.18 #5 Sunset Walk Vintage Lake 6.22.18 #6 Sunset Walk Vintage Lake 6.22.18 #7

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here. 

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

And my book published in 2012, D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance; which reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon.

Latest Articles:
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Facing Fear – I Welcome You

Thomas Cole (American, 1801 - 1848), The Voyage of Life: Youth, 1842, oil on canvas, Ailsa Mellon Bruce Fund 1971.16.2

Thomas Cole (American, 1801 – 1848), The Voyage of Life: Youth, 1842, oil on canvas, Ailsa Mellon Bruce Fund 1971.16.2

The Best Version of Me

I expect and know I will see the possibilities and opportunities in this situation. I will Know when to take action. And, I will be the best version of me that I can possibly be. 

I welcome this fear and I take it’s hand as I walk through the foggy illusion fear creates. As I reach the other side I gently release the hand of fear and lovingly whisper, “Thank you.”

Thank you for helping me to see and know the walls as an illusion. The walls I have felt trapped within, no matter which path I chose. Thank you for allowing me to see that even though I may outwardly seem to conform; within I know the Truth. I hold that Truth close to my Heart, so that I may freely and openly share the Gift of my Heart as only I can do in the Way I came forth to share. 

Break Free of Illusions

I thank you for helping me to see the opportunities and possibilities in seemingly difficult situations. I thank you for teaching me to expect opportunities and possibilities so that I may break free of the illusions of these Worldly rules. I thank you for teaching me that being Good and doing things how they are expected is not a requirement. Thank you for teaching me that fitting in is not a requirement of BEing on this Earth. 

Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones. – Thich Nhat Hanh

Thank you for teaching me the Truth, my Truth. A Truth that at times, creates heaviness and an internal explosion so fierce I feel I may die from the physical discomfort it brings. A discomfort so unbearable I contemplate if leaving this Earthly body is the way to Freedom from these Worldly rules. Thank you for teaching me in the next second that these thoughts are a trick of the Ego. As are all thoughts that cause me to whither and hide the Light Within. 

Thank you for teaching me how to make a decision from a Knowing and Trusting place of Love. Thank you for teaching me the difference between this Knowing and being stuck in a sludgy tar filled pit of despair, anxiety, fear, and loneliness.

The Key to Freedom

Thank you to the Angels who have come into my life to Guide me in seeing the illusion of the sludgy tar filled pit. Thank you for showing me Where the Key to Freedom lay in wait. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for holding space for me to learn and process what has been necessary for grasping this Key and using it as was meant.

Thank you to those who have given up on me. Thank you to those who have turned away from me. Thank you to those who have lost patience with this path I travel. For you have been an integral piece of my Truth as well. 

I expect and know I will see and act upon the possibilities and opportunities in this situation. I am no longer stuck in the sludgy tar filled pit. I am ready to live my Truth. I am ready to receive the slings and arrows that come my way as I live this Truth. I am ready to Love myself, and to give and receive Love. I am FREE. Freedom. Hallelujah! -©2018, Camilla Downs

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here. 

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

And my book published in 2012, D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance; which reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon.

Latest Articles:
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The Path of the Heart Will Emerge – The Urban Howl

June 2 2018:

Much gratitude to The Urban Howl for publishing another of my writings …

“Know this.
When riddled with questions,
plagued by confusion,
and held hostage by anxiety,
this is not of the heart.

Distractions, these are,
to cover the message
of the heart,
to prevent one
following the
path of the heart.”

https://theurbanhowl.com/2018/06/01/the-path-of-the-heart-will-emerge-camilla-downs/

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here. 

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

And my book published in 2012, D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance; which reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon.

Latest Articles:
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Poetry and Photography: Cloud Whisperings

Cloud Whisperings

Clouds May 2018 #1

The eyes cannot possibly see the depth of your beauty.
The heart beats with the Knowing.
The nostrils inhale breath with the Knowing. 
The mouth speaks the Knowing, laced within every word spoken.
The ears hear the birdsong of the Knowing.
For the depth of your beauty is this same Knowing.
©️2018 Camilla Downs 

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here. 

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

And my book published in 2012, D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance; which reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon.

Latest Articles:
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Poetry and Photography: Headed Home

And She Walked 5.28.18

And she walked.
And she walked.
She walked until
Arriving at
The home of 
Peace and Joy.
Only to discover
This is where she had
Been all along.
–©️2018 Camilla Downs

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here. 

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

And my book published in 2012, D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance; which reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon.

Latest Articles:
[catlist name=blog]

Alchemy: A Haunting Memory Reveals the Truth

A Haunting Memory

Tree Roots Walking Through Tunnel Post 8.4.17

Why does this memory haunt her? Why does it keep returning? She does not remember the exact age of when this happened. She would have been 5, 6 or 7 years old. The past couple of years when this memory surfaced she has taken the time to feel emotions she buried from that time …. sadness and anger. Event though she remembers not who was involved, she has forgiven whoever it was.

She used to ignore it. Telling herself either she imagined it or if it happened then it lives in the past and does not matter. Which she does believe to be partly true. It is in the past and no longer exists. Yet, she left something of herself in that crawl space, behind a locked door. Something that begs to be retrieved.

She bears no anger towards the one or ones who thought it fun or a game or just plain unkind to lock her in that crawl space. She has been patient each time the memory surfaces. Recently she wrote about it in great detail in a “written quilt piece” in preparation for an upcoming memoir. Well, the details she can remember.

The Meditation Alchemy

Perhaps that writing was the catalyst to finally retrieving what she had left there. She traveled to that crawl space once again on May 30, 2018. Not by a conscious choice. She was divinely led there. With eyes closed, seated comfortably and relaxed; she was invited to imagine herself in a cocoon. Her heart and mind took her straight to that crawl space behind the locked door. She found herself alternating between difficulty breathing and her breath quickening as she felt paralyzing anxiety.

She was invited to imagine two layers to the cocoon and that she was about dissolve one layer. The first of these layers appeared to be the lock of the door. The door handle melted into a silken gold liquid with the embrace of pure, divine love. The second layer to be dissolved was the door. As she watched in her mind’s eye the wooden door magically rotted and dissolved into the dirt floor of the crawl space.

She was also invited to see a symbol or word held within the cocoon that she was to take with her. She was guided to know that this symbol holds meaning as to why she is here on this Earth and here at this time, and that this is the message she is to share with others. Surprising to her, she saw a beautiful symbol that had come into her life at about the age of twenty.

Real True Sincere Tattoo June 2018

A Japanese symbol she had chosen to have permanently etched onto her skin. At the age of twenty she did not know the depth of why she chose this symbol. Well, other than the fact that it only cost $20 and that’s about all she had to spend on permanent body art. This is that symbol and its meaning is real, true, and sincere. Floating underneath the symbol was the word “write”.

The Truth is Revealed

Clouds May 2018 #1

She absorbed the symbol and word into the loving embrace of her heart as she emerged from the crawl space with a knowing as to why she had to keep returning. It wasn’t to torture herself, nor to stay living in the past, nor to have sadness and anger; of which the latter was long gone.

She now knew that she had left parts of her Worth in that crawl space, mixed in with the well packed dirt floor. Pieces of it dislodged from her heart and scattered amongst the dust particles in the coolness of that dark place. She now retrieved the pieces of Worth and became aware that hanging around her neck from a golden silk cord was an aqua colored pen engraved with the word “Jump”. She flew peacefully from that crawl space on gypsy wings inscribed with authenticity, truth, sincerity and love.

Clouds May 2018 #2

She continues to write to this day. Her writing has evolved and shifted over the years and ever remains authentic, true, and sincere. Watch for it. One day one of her writings may sweep you away to travels that excite, delight, or may even bring an alchemical experience of your own.

Please be kind with yourself should you be experiencing recurring unlovely memories of the past. Know you are not doing it to torture yourself. Be patient and the truth shall be revealed when you are ready. And so it is.

**Special thanks to Jessica Levity Daylover and The Alchemist Theatre members. Jessica’s magical meditations and the entire show almost always spark an amazing “story” for me. That’s where this one was born!**

It was pretty wild! Like, “Oh, now I see why this has kept coming up. Got it. Worth retrieved! Let’s do this!!” Definitely some alchemy happening!!

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here. 

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

And my book published in 2012, D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance; which reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon.

Latest Articles:
[catlist name=blog]