About Me – Camilla – August 2024

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Camilla – Summer 2024

I’ve joined Medium! In doing so, I created an up to date About me. Thought I would share it here, too. If you’re on Medium, let’s connect there!

My name is Camilla Downs (pronounced like Pamela, but with a “C”), and I’m mom to Lillian Darnell and Thomas Darnell, who are now adults. I have single-parented them and advocated for them from the time they were 1-year-old and 5-years-old. We are a neurospicy trio, with all of us being neurodivergent in one way or another.

I’m late diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety, and OCD. I am a bestselling author, indie publisher, writer, poet, and prior to becoming a mom, I enjoyed a career as a paralegal, working at The Pierce County Prosecutor’s Office — Civil Division in Tacoma, Washington. I’m also a late bloomer with coming out as bisexual; pansexual to be more specific (thanks to my kids).

Currently, I am a Project Leader and Family Navigator, having been with Family Navigation Network since February 2022. Family Navigation Network is a project of Nevada Center for Excellence in Disabilities, which operates within the University of Nevada, Reno.

I consider myself to be a master improviser and problem solver. I can access a situation, nail down the tasks, take action, and get results. I live in Northern Nevada in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains with gorgeous Lake Tahoe nearby.

A photo of Lake Tahoe taken from a distance (Hwy 431), with a blue sky and a tree in the right hand side of the photo.

Lake Tahoe — Taken by me 2024

My daughter Lillian has 18p-, being diagnosed when she was 3 years old after the pediatrician suggested genetic testing, due to Lillian being behind in more than three areas of development. The pediatrician called me as soon as she got the results, letting me know over the phone, rather than postponing until we could get in to see her.

After pulling myself together, I found the Chromosome 18 Registry that night while searching online. This was before facebook, and social media groups, and I joined The Registry shortly thereafter. I spent time observing the conversations in the Yahoo listserv before jumping in, introducing myself, and asking questions.

Writing has been a sanity saving bridge that has led to peace and solutions. Single parenting two children, losing nearly everything, and choosing to dig deep within, led me on a journey for which I had no map. Through writing, I created the map as I traveled this wild, at times unlovely and uncomfortable, life journey.

Writing led me to acceptance of myself and my role as a parent to my two unique and beautiful children. Writing brought solid steps to take with decisions. In some situations, writing was not the only factor; yet, it has been a shining thread of grace that connected my heart and mind along this life journey. And still is.

I wrote the first poem in January 2013. I still remember how wild it felt having these words populate my mind and how compelled I felt to free them. It was the beginning of the alchemy. Alchemy which continues to this day. My book published in 2019, Words of Alchemy, is a free-verse poetry memoir of six years of my life.

Poems have not been the only style of writings throughout the past thirteen years. My first book published in 2012, D iz for Different — One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance, is a memoir of experiences and acceptance up to that point in time. After the publication, writings seemed to ebb and flow between life narratives and poetry.

Writing is my witness, my soul song. Writing is my therapist, my medicine, my best friend, my parent, and my advisor. This is not to say that writing replaces any of these roles, it simply enhances them.

Writing alchemizes what I experience. My laptop becomes the couch I rest upon; while writing my experiences becomes the therapist. This helps me to synchronize with life, giving myself feedback for these experiences. Writing becomes an avenue to connect with and release the myriad of emotions and experiences of life.

It is through writing that I find myself. It is through writing that I allow myself to physically feel emotions. It is through writing that I connect with the unlovely events of the past buried in my body on a cellular level. It is through writing that I allow myself to feel what I dared not feel beginning at some point in childhood, through to adulthood. It is through writing that past and present events are alchemized and released.

I look forward to vibing with you. Just to let you know, my older writings are incredibly tame, nature centric, with no foul language. My writings from 2020 to current are wild, bold, raw, and laced with cussing. My writings mirror where I am in this journey, and the current phase of Camilla that shines.

A family of five. A smiling mom in the front, with her oldest smiling daughter to her right, two smiling grandparents behind them, and the mom’s youngest child, smiling in the back.

Me and my two kids, Thomas and Lillian, and my mom and dad — May 2024

If you’re on Medium, let’s connect –

View at Medium.com

Date Day With My Amazing Teen – Reno Riverwalk

May 27 2025

Date day with this one. I love conversations with you, chatting about our UNR classes, laughing and raging together. I love that you want to hang out with me. I am one lucky and blessed parent. 🖤🖤🖤

Update: Five Days Down – This is Wild

5 days down of the 14 day compressed UNR class, The Modern World. 9 more days to go! Midterm exam is next week. This is wild!

We began with Hamlet as he was perhaps the first modern character, struggling with doing what he was supposed to do and wanting to think for himself and investigate.

Hamlet (Modern, Editor’s Version)

I also watched Kenneth Branagh’s film, Hamlet. At 4 hours in length, it is the complete dialogue. That’s why I chose this version. I wanted to deepen my understanding. I didn’t look at the cast names and was continually surprised by the big name actors and actresses in the film. Made my heart so happy when Robin Williams walked into a scene!

Modern History Sourcebook: Martin Luther (1483–1546): Address To The Nobility of the German Nation, 1520
The Three Walls Of The Romanists

Nicolaus Copernicus
On The Revolutions of the Heavenly Spheres (1543)

Chapter 6: On the Immensity of the Heavens in Relation to the Magnitude of the Earth
Galileo Galilei, Excerpt from The Sidereal Messenger (1610)
THE SIDEREAL MESSENGER

The New Organon: or True Directions Concerning the Interpretation of Nature
Francis Bacon

The Essays of Montaigne
Of Cannibals

Letter to King Ferdinand of Spain, describing the results of the first voyage
Christopher Columbus (1493)

Mary Wortley Montagu
LETTERS (1716-1718)

Charles de Secondat, Baron deMontesquieu from THE SPIRIT OF LAWS (1748)

Olaudah Equiano
from THE INTERESTING NARRATIVE OF THE LIFE OF OLAUDAH EQUIANO, OR GUSTAVUS VASSA, THE AFRICAN (1789)

Modern History Sourcebook: Thomas Hobbes, Leviathan (1651)
CHAPTER XIII:
OF THE NATURAL CONDITION OF MANKIND AS CONCERNING THEIR FELICITY AND MISERY

Modern History Sourcebook John Locke: Two Treatises of Government, 1690
CHAPTER II: Of the State of Nature

Adam Smith
For Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations

IMMANUEL KANT
An Answer to the Question: “What is Enlightenment?”
Konigsberg, Prussia, 30th September, 1784.

Emmanuel Sieyes
from WHAT Is THE THIRD ESTATE?(1789)

The Black Jacobins
TOUSSAINT L’OUVERTURE AND THE SAN DOMINGO REVOLUTION SECOND EDITION, REVISED
C.L.R. JAMES

Declaration of the Rights of Man – 1789
National Assembly

Olympe de Gouges, “Declaration of the Rights of Woman and of the Woman-Citizen” (1791)

Mary Wollstonecraft
From Vindication of the Rights of Woman (1792)

Mary Shelley, Frankenstein – reading for next week

For extra credit, we were to find a meme that ties in with our readings from last week. The printing press changed the world. It’s unbelievable that half the population seem to want a return to pre-Modernism and pre-Enlightenment.

Getting Refueled = Iron to the Rescue

May 19 2025

I’ve looked forward to this for the last two weeks. Hooked up to an IV for 3 hours for an iron refill. Everybody cross your fingers and toes (please) that this addresses all of the health issues I’ve been having. ❤️❤️❤️

Let me add … I had to do this in 2022 when after a year and a half it was finally determined that I have pernicious anemia (stomach does not absorb B12) and iron deficiency anemia. I give myself monthly B12 shots but the iron levels had been not monitored as I left the hematologist I was seeing because he was an asshole. This will not happen again as I’ll find an actual human hematologist and monitor it every 3 or 6 months. Now I know my damn stomach doesn’t like to absorb iron either. 😁🤣😁

I’m actually feeling pretty damn good. It’s wild to me how much the body decides it’s probably dying due to low iron, and this creates havoc all over the body. I was sure I was low on iron at the end of last summer, but my doctor kept blowing me off. It took landing in the cardiologist office over and over for him to look at my labs. Right away, the cardio commented that Oh, yeah. You need an iron infusion. This is the second time this has happened. Now I know and it won’t happen again. We’ll be monitoring my iron levels from now on.

Not letting this happen again. I lost nearly 8 months of my life, feeling like total crap. I am just blown away by how much low iron levels affects me.

Actually makes you feel like your dying!

The Modern World = Compressed Version

May 18 2025

Begins tomorrow: The Modern World = An entire semester packed into a mini-session of 14 days. I’ve truly lost my mind. 🤔 Hey little Camilla, if you only knew the adventures you’ve got in store, whew! 💥💥💥

Analyzes Europe’s legacy in shaping world ideas, institutions, and cultures. Includes Renaissance; Reformation; Enlightenment; Romanticism; development of science and industry; political revolutions; colonialism; postcolonialism; globalization.

Throwback Post: First Time Writing Horror

**THROWBACK POST**

January 25 2025

Author friends: I need to write a horror (scary) short story. I’ve never written horror. Do you have any pithy and powerful tips? Thanks!

Feedback Received:

Val: I think Horror in this context is perhaps a misleading word. Recent news would fall under this category but if you think ‘Scary’ it might open up the creative juices. 😉 A claustrophobic caught in a broken lift, someone petrified of spiders or mice abandoned on an island overrun with them, dark forest night alone with noises in the bushes etc. Think what would be your own personal nightmare, and take it from there. 🥺

Me: Yes!! I’m going to adjust my wording. We are living in an actual horror story currently. Thanks much for getting my creative juices flowing, Val!! 🦄🦄🦄

Brad: Horror is ultimately about fear and fear is primal. Fear is ever-present. Fear drives both action AND inaction. Fear often feeds on itself.

“Dead silence in the darkness thundered louder than the pounding of her heart in her ears as she felt the soft padding of the cell walls. When she finally grasped the doorknob in blackness, she gasped in pain. The metal, burning cold, forbidding, refused to turn at first. As she cried out with effort, the bolt snapped open like the crunch of breaking bone. She paused, unsure if what lay beyond was something she could face.”

Brad: Camilla and of course, it can’t be all linear. Whether it’s simply “normal” or “comedy” (as suggested elsewhere) the give and take of the tension (building up to the crescendo of course) is part of what keeps readers engaged, guessing, and avoids exhaustion.
I didn’t include that in the example so hopefully you’ll forgive me the arrogance of briefly continuing the story for the sake of demonstration. 😃

—–

She steeled her nerves and pulled the door open wide. Light poured into the enclosure. Blinking away the tears from the brightness, she paused, focused, then immediately pulled the covers over her head and turned away from the window.

“Another nightmare,” she mumbled, rubbing away at the soreness in her palm.

Christine: I’ve experimented with horror/scary writing a few times (which is weird since I don’t watch that genre – too scary!). Best I have is, try to scare the crap out of yourself (giving yourself chills is a good sign). I think I read that Stephen King does this. For me that means psychological, mind stuff rather than gory stuff. Then see if what you’ve written scares the crap out of your friends/family. I wrote one story once, a take on the “Bloody Mary” tale, and a friend of mine went upstairs by himself to read it but a few minutes later came downstairs and said – “Okay I’m too scared to be alone with this.” 🤣

Me: I don’t watch the gory stuff. But the mind stuff, I can do that. And that’s probably what my short story will likely revolve around. Yours must have been pretty good for it to make someone not want to be alone! 🤣

Christine: This is how I approach writing in general, especially fiction. So for this genre: Less – “what will readers find scary?” and more “what will literally keep me up at night questioning how such thoughts and visuals came out of my twisted brain.”

Sarah: I’d suggest playing on something that scares you so it feels relatable and then consider an ordinary of every day occurrence of such a thing happening. Play on the psyche and build suspense. I love horror!

JT: The distinction between ‘horror’ and ‘terror’ may be useful to consider in writerly approaches to composing a scary story; ‘horror’ is shock / repulsion / revulsion at something experienced / witnessed, whereas ‘terror’ is the dread / fearful anticipation of something unseen. Edgar Allan Poe’s groundbreaking short stories are psychological studies in the effects of horror and terror upon characters; his experimental fictions often contain both.

Claire: The most frightening monsters are never fully visible or understood— when Stephen King goes for the full reveal, showing readers the monster’s face, it more often reduces the tension and dread (sometimes it’s rather laughable). If we are going to see a monster’s face, it should always be the more familiar face, because that is the true horror of monsters we can actually witness— they end up looking like a neighbor or even our own reflection.

I’d also say that William Trevor’s “A Day” may be the best horror story I’ve ever read, although most would place the story firmly in literary realism (which it also is).

Patricia: Start by reading horror, and see what works for you.

Me: Yes, yes!! Great suggestion! We have a gigantic book of strange and dark stories we are reading for the class. Good stuff!! It’s titled, The Weird.

Patricia: I’d also recommend a book of short stories, Dark Flashes, by my friend Philippa Bower. They are all strange and some quite horrific. Also try Clay Boy by Craig Sawyer. I worked on that as an editor and it gave me the shivers.

Throwback Post: UNR Spring 2025 Semester Begins

**THROWBACK POST**

January 25 2025

Spring 2025 semester began last week. I’m taking more classes, but have a much better schedule. I’m on campus two days a week, with 3 of the 6 classes being online. I’ll be doing tons of reading and writing and movie watching. I love the classes, but having a hard time getting back into the swing of things. That should get better in a couple of weeks, or not, with the current state of affairs.

I’m on track to graduate Spring 2026, along with my amazing kid!! I love you, Gigi! ❤️ Then the plan is to get a MFA in poetry. UNR has a great low residency program! Here’s a photo of my books, with two books having not arrived yet as I purchased them from a locally owned bookstore and not the Bezo’s owned company.

Anyone have thoughts on any of these books?

List of my classes:

Intro to Creative Writing (Creative Writing)
Craft & Forms of Creative Writing – How horror benefits fiction and poetry (Creative Writing)
Screenwriting Film & TV (Creative Writing)
Women in Literature (Social Justice)
Disability Ethics (Social Justice)
Nevada Constitution (Core Credit)

Throwback Post: Strong Emotions Shared – Spitting Venom Together

**THROWBACK POST**

January 23 2025

Monday Night Poetry. Poems about MLK, the inauguration, suicide, broken hearts, and more. Strong emotions were shared. Heart wrenching, heart angering words were spun and shared. I am thankful more than ever for this community. Please do not isolate yourself. Find your community. Spit venom together. Love one another. Hug one another. Check on one another. ❤️✊🏻❤️