Poetry: Unfinished Poem

**THROWBACK POETRY**

August 2023

Unfinished Poem

White puffy clouds in the sky
You know how I feel
Bright blue sky
You know how I feel

The first time we met
I could feel him in my bones
Heart beating faster, entire body lit up,
Lightheaded
Sizzling, tingling,
thick clouds of sweet, sticky nectar invading my brain
Drunk on him, I was

I’d lose all capacity
To think and speak coherently

We began texting
It felt as if we gave one another
Permission to go deeper

Holding hands in the darkness
We were safe from the world spinning around us

Sharing a little more with each message sent
And with each of those messages
The fondness grew stronger
I felt safe with him

A light breeze blowing through my hair
You know how I feel
The cool water caressing my body
You know how I feel

His uniqueness
authenticity
beauty
willingness to share his truths with me
His enthusiasm about getting to know me
Filled me with excitement, anticipation

The first time we kissed
Warm, tender, sweet
Delicious

The messages getting hotter
The fondness growing stronger
The hugs shared drenched me
With a feeling of being home

Sitting under a shade tree
You know how I feel
The touch of the cool, soft grass
You know how I feel

That time he touched my inner thigh
Telling me he loved my legs
Igniting the desire even more

I thought this was mutual
He wanting to know more about me, my life
Me wanting to know more about him, his life

Then he turned away,
stopped sharing, stopped reaching out, something had shifted
My neurospicy brain and tender heart
Wanted to make sense of it

Warm sand between my toes
You know how I feel
The scent of honeysuckle
You know how I feel

One minute into me, the next not
This continued for a while
Until I had to turn away
As the Mystery of this Love
Was tormenting me
My fondness, my desire for him
Was not where he could be

I had to leave us Unfinished
Unfinished as is the poem
He wrote to me
That lives in the messages on my phone

Two unfinished poems
That came together for a
Brief moment in time

The sun shining through my window
You know how I feel
The full moon in the deep black sky
You know how I feel

A brief moment in time
To experience an intense, sizzling
Safe, bright connection
The bits of our lost souls coming together
For a sweet, slippery dance to the tune of our poetry.

Leave out: This experience,
these poems,
The music he shared with me,
him
I treasure.

And That’s where this poem must end.

Unfinished
Yet, complete.

Camilla Downs, 2023

Poetry: Arrivederci

March 23 2024

Arrivederci

Goodbye
Farewell
So long

I just can’t stand the pain
There’s a non-stop herd of elephants
Stampeding across my heart

Goodbye

I’m leaving
I’ve done all I can

The disappointment that keeps getting delivered
Fractures my heart into a trillion pieces
My nervous system simply
Cannot take the rise and fall,
The dopamine hits
Of the delicious intense encounters
And the heart breaking let down
Of disappointment

Farewell

I’m headed to the craft store
To buy glue, steel, and comfort

I’ll glue the pieces of my heart
Back together,
Melting the steel
Into the crevices
Smooshing in words of comfort, strength,
and resilience
More glue,
More melted steel
More words

So long

I’ll calm the elephants stampeding
Across my heart
I’ll take the love that has hit a dead end
The love that has no where to go

I’ll feed it to the elephants
Pouring the love into them,
Onto them, over them
Until they slowly calm
Inhaling the love with their snouts
Wrapping me in their herd
Taking me into their trust
Showering me with that same love

Showering me, rocking me with their love
Until my heart has healed
Reviving my ability to love
Showering until my light returns
Until the joy returns

They disperse
I disperse
Having a fortified heart
Feeling calm, peaceful

Dare I say
Ready to do it
All over again

That is, of course,
After this process has
Repeated from
Five to five hundred and fifty five times

Goodbye
Farewell
So long

Camilla Downs 2024