**THROWBACK POST**
October 5 2015:
Cooked spaghetti squash tonight. Thomas liked it so much he wanted to eat the skin! Can’t wait for him to taste butternut squash.
Then we went for an after dinner walk. Thomas says, “This is so fun. These rocks can be anything you can imagine.” We found a love seat for 3, the helm of a ship, a castle, a bed, chairs, and tables. xoxo
March 16 2024
Vulnerability and Authenticity = Freedom. 🎉🎉🎉 But let me tell you, it can also = Moments of extreme loneliness. 🥰🥰🥰
**THROWBACK POST**
October 5 2014:
Wahoo Thomas! He made gateau au yaourt (yogurt cake) this afternoon … all by himself! So good! Topped with a spoonful of creme fraiche. Yum!
October 5 2013:
That’s right … Library adventures! Wahoooo!
Stepping out of my warm, fuzzy cocoon tonight … Going to Sierra Arts and gonna hang out with some adult people at 7:30. Perhaps I won’t turn into a pumpkin when the clock strikes 8:30. We shall see! If you see me there and I don’t see you please get my attention and say “Hey”!
Wonderful job Sharon!! Loved it!!!! Such awesomeness!
March 15 2024
Monday Night Poetry.
Prompt: How do you let go of something that won’t let go of you?
Such great poems were shared.
I Am A Trillion Parts
Why is it that I cannot let you go?
My mind is on board, most days
My heart agrees, most days
Yet, there’s this mystical thread
Connecting us
Some days it’s visible, strong and tight
Other days it’s invisible, and I am free to let you go
Some days it sparkles
Some days it’s sticky sweet
Some days it’s sharp and painful
I know it sounds crazy
One day, I’m free
Free to let you go
Feeling relief
Feeling strong
Feeling invincible
Two days later
I don’t want to let you go
I feel the comfort of knowing you’re there
Remembering, with pleasure, our time together
I am not one dimensional
Feeling so damn good having made
The decision to let you go
Feeling so damn good having made
The decision not to let you go
There’s the free spirit in me
That just wants to go with the flow
Enjoying life in the moment
Let what is, be what is
There’s the little girl in me
Who doesn’t want to lose
That which helps her to feel good
Makes her feel good
Feels so damn good
The little girl who doesn’t
Want the feeling of being abandoned to return
Covering her heart in a cloud of darkness
I am not one dimensional
There’s light at the end of this tunnel
The more I learn about myself
The more I uncover and walk through
The trauma of my childhood
The more my mind and heart connect the dots
Of not wanting to let go of past trauma
The closer I get to letting you go
Here I come again
And while I make my way to this place
Of letting you go, for good
Knowing that yesterday is gone
That time is lost forever
Time will not wait for me
Written on my heart
Is the knowing that my time
Is now limited
For the first time in my life
I can clearly see the finish line of my life
For that reason,
I damn well plan on enjoying myself
Enjoying the bright light of others
Enjoying the company of others
Hugging those that want to share this intimate
Love-filled act
I will wake up one day
After uncovering all facets of me
To finally be able to let you go for good
With no regrets
And that right there,
Is fucking freedom
Like no other.
Camilla Downs – 2024
March 10 2024
It has arrived. European friends. Who shall I visit this summer? 🎉🩷🎉
**THROWBACK POST**
October 4 2013
Dishes washed, one Team TLC rockin our bottoms dance party and now we are ready for movie night! Wahooooo!
October 4 2009:
At school being entertained by the magician & bday party at home.
April is National Poetry Month. I’m going to attempt to write one poem every day this month. Today’s poem: 30/30 for April 30th – YES!!! I did it! 30 days, 30 poems!
(I want to work on this one more, but I wanted to get one posted for the last day of poetry month!)
my salad days
It is one of my favorite scents
When the thick, sweet
Scent enters my nostrils
I get a dopamine hit to the brain
sending me back to my childhood
Summer days spent
Outside all day playing
Riding bikes
Climbing my Aunt Mary’s plumb trees
Plucking yellow and purple plums,
sitting on a tree limb to eat them
Not too many
Or you’d have to run to the bathroom
Remembering the time I jumped
from the trampoline
Landing in a gigantic bed of fire ants
My Aunt Mary
Rushed me in the house
Tore off my clothes
Immersing me in a bathtub of cold water
Fire ant bites
HURT
Remembering the times
Helping my pappaw mow lawns
All the grandkids had to take turns helping him
It was hard work in that oppressive Mississippi heat
He always paid us for our help
Me and my cousin, Stephanie
Would walk to the tote-sum
Taking our time choosing penny candy
We’d leave with a good size bag of
Glorious sugar loaded treats
Remembering that time
My pappaw let me try
Some of his chewing tobacco
When I tell you I spit that shit
Out so fast
Nasty stuff!
It is one of my favorite scents
Honeysuckle
It reminds me of childhood summer days
Camilla Downs, 2024
Prompt: Think about your favourite scent. Write a poem depicting the things and activities it reminds you of.
April is National Poetry Month. I’m going to attempt to write one poem every day this month. Today’s poem: 29/30 for April 29th
Prompt: Meme poetry = Found poetry. I created this prompt, sparked by an idea from the poetry workshop I attended this past Sunday. I’ve grabbed sections of the memes I’ve saved, smooshing them into a poem along with some of my own words and some song titles.
do not drink me
You can miss something,
But not want it back
It takes more than inches
to reach a woman’s soul
Don’t try to explain yourself to idiots
You’re not the fuckface whisperer.
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Why do you tell me lies?
Growing up in an unstable household
Means believing there’s something unlovable about you
Means seeking attention
Means oversharing with people you barely know
Means daydreaming of scenarios of people caring about you
Healing from things no one ever apologized for
Vacations are cool
But have you ever stayed home in
your comfy clothes and not spoken
to anyone for a week
Sometimes I wear my boogie shoes
To the grocery store
And I get down on it
Have you noticed that some people
get offended when you aren’t ashamed of
things they were taught to be ashamed of,
resenting you for not caring what
everybody thinks?
Normalize being okay with letting people
think whatever they want about you
New way to reply to emails
“Go away, never contact me again”
When I was in second grade
I lost my favorite pair of earrings
In the ditch at school
While waiting for my parent to pick me up
I was devastated
Crying until my eyes were so puffy
I could hardly see
Red ladybug earrings
with black spots
and a gold back
The distance you kept during my struggle
I’ll need to to double it during my success
If the vibes get weird
Move on
This is the end
of forced conversations
Friendships
Relationships
Attention
Love
If it’s forced
It’s not worth it
Don’t mistake kind people for doormats
They’ve seen a lot
Been through even more
When pushed
They will demonstrate the emotional strength
They’re capable of
Let’s raise our glass
to being born this way
Settling for trash people is over
Being alone is approximately 7,000,000
times better than sitting here
questioning your self worth because some
fucking loser doesn’t know how to respond to a text
Be done with spending too much time
analyzing the emotionally unavailable person
Walk away
Some people be like
You have good energy
Hold up
Let me get my straw
I didn’t know what I was in for
When I let go
Of the stories
And said,
YES.
Camilla Downs, 2024
April is National Poetry Month. I’m going to attempt to write one poem every day this month. Today’s poem: 28/30 for April 28th
ode to opulence
What are the real luxuries in life? Long walks and good books.
Slow mornings sipping coffee while listening to birds singing.
The ability to freely express myself, the best of all.
Camilla Downs, 2024
Prompt: Write a sijo poem (three lines, each averaging 14-16 syllables).
April is National Poetry Month. I’m going to attempt to write one poem every day this month. Today’s poem: 27/30 for April 27th
Parlor Games – Part 2
Perfect happiness
is being able to relax into life
Not needing to figure out on a daily basis
how to buy food, pay rent, purchase necessities
While also being a full-time single parent
To two kids with varying degrees of special needs
Everyone who knows me
Knows that I love to share hugs
Being attracted to those
who are not a good fit for me,
My ability to easily settle for less than I deserve —
These are traits in myself I do not like
I’m a punctilious person
I pay attention to details
I like information
I enjoy solving predicaments,
Reaching resolution,
Finding answers
One of my greatest
extravagances is
flavorful,
nutritious,
satisfying,
food and drink
My upper arms
My inner thighs
My stomach
I’m grateful to all of you
But I dislike y’all
That is amazing
Love this
Love that
Love it
Fuck
Shit
Words and phrases I overuse
Gen X
oozes from my feral pores
Leaving a trail of neon
Pink footprints
And the scent of strawberry lip gloss
Coating the air —
This, I treasure
The greatest loves of my life
Knowledge
Art —
Books
Poetry
Music
Paintings
Photography
My two kids —
Thomas Arthur
Lillian Paige
Myself —
and little Camilla
I am happiest when I am home
Sitting in a favorite spot
Reading
Writing
Watching
I am happiest when
I’m with like-minded folks
Who want me there with them
Who appreciate me
If I were to come back as
Something else after I die —
Honeysuckle
Trust
communication
intimacy —
I most value in friendships
Some of my early parenting choices
One of my greatest regrets
When it is time for me to die
I want simply to have a knowing that
my time has come to an end
with enough time to say goodbye to friends and family,
I’d like to peacefully drift to sleep,
never to wake again.
Camilla Downs, 2024
*Prompt: Write a poem based on the “Proust Questionnaire”.