June 28 2025

(Originally posted on my Substack – https://camilladowns.substack.com/)

Welcome to this new weekly (maybe) installment. Please let me know if you think this will be too much for your inbox; receiving this weekly share in addition to my Friday essay or poem. Since this will be inconsistent and not necessarily covering only a week, or even the week in which I share it, I’m titling it, Freeze Frame.

Watched: The Lighthouse. This is one wild movie. I still don’t know what happened. Were both men crazy? Was one of them hallucinating? Or both?

Watched I Saw the TV Glow. I first heard about this movie from a fellow student in my script writing class. I was intrigued as she was emphatic about the greatness of this movie. I also came across an instagram post a few days ago discussing the film. It was a pretty good movie about feeling different, like you’re not really in your body and time moving weirdly, along with the possibility of other dimensions. The two main characters felt like real people. I’ve watched some shows and films where I could not related to characters as they behaved in ways that no person would behave.

Watched Prospect. I watched this because I love a good sci-fi and adore Pedro Pascal. It was good. Kept my attention with touching on our ability to trust others and speaking to human’s desire to remove precious materials (and fight over it) from any world, not just Earth.

Watched Vesper. I watched this one as it’s about Earth’s eco-system having been destroyed, and biohacking wrapped into a sci-fi theme and feel. I really liked this one, too. I love that the teen girl is strong and intelligent, and moved to help the population that is banned from entering the areas where the elite live.

Watched the series, Dept. Q. I love a good mystery. Make it a grumpy British detective and I’m hooked! I hope there’s more seasons of this one.

Walked: I went for walk at Virginia Foothills Park; which I haven’t visited in a year or two. I was down in the dumps, deeply sad. I haven’t been for a walk outside of my complex since last fall, before fall semester began at UNR. I went to bed deeply sad last night, woke up the same. Between this lovely, much needed walk, and a therapy session where we dug into what was triggering the sadness, I’m feeling better.

I am deeply grateful to my therapist and her use of EMDR therapy. We unpacked some deep stuff, traveled back to 5th grade, and I made a decision to honor my feelings; and to stop doing things for fear that I will miss out, or be excluded. And the big one, to stop creating solely to receive recognition. Damn if that stuff isn’t tied to sweet lil 5th grade Camilla.

Read: Finished Trumpet by Jackie Kay. I really like Jackie Kay’s writing style, and I love this story.

Listened to: Driving around running errands, I listened to Shake it Up by The Cars, Venus by Bananarama, The Glamorous Life by Sheila E., Got to Be Real by Cheryl Lynn, Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Queen, Whoomp! (There It Is) by Tag Team, and Give Me One Reason by Tracy Chapman.

Wrote: No fresh writing other than this. I did make a decision to recenter myself as far as my writing goes. I have been forcing myself to write poetry. And the results have been way less than stellar. It seems I let myself move away from writing because I needed to say something, or needed to get something outside of myself. I had unconsciously shifted to writing to receive acknowledgment. Not at all why I began to write in the first place. So I’m beginning with this weekly Freeze Frame essay. It may dwindle to nothing when fall semester begins, but I will be writing as I’m taking poetry and creative non-fiction.

Tasted: I ordered a Reuben sandwich and Belgian fries from a (new to me) Austrian restaurant, Edelweiss Pub. The best damn fries I think I have ever had! The Reuben was unlike any Reuben I’ve ever had, and was delicious!

Health and Body: After filing a complaint with Renown in regard to the rejection of my cardiologist’s referral to hematology, and some back and forth, I finally received a message that I can schedule an appointment now. I simply need my iron levels to be monitored since I’ve had to have an iron infusion two times in the last few years.

I also finally got Lillian’s iron infusion scheduled!! That took much time, advocating, and back and forth, too. Now to get her referral to the hematologist addressed which was also denied. I filed a complaint for that also.

I got a pretty drastic haircut. I’ve not had bangs in nearly 30 years. So I got bangs and a shag cut. I’m not quite sure how to deal with bangs anymore so I’ve just been pinning them down. And I actually like them that way. I don’t think I like hair touching my forehead. Ha!

See you next week, or the next, or the next … Thank you for reading my writings and for subscribing!