August 3 2024

Prompt: “Where is your paradise” or “Ohana”

Cloud Nine and all that

Where I find my paradise is not static for me
It’s a shapeshifter
Conforming to my
Current mood,
The phase of life
I have arrived to explore

There were all the years
Of financial struggle
The years of
What I later learned
Included a bit of spiritual bypassing
On my part

My paradise during
These times
Was found by reading
What others had to say about
Finding one’s personal paradise

It was found during meditation
Burning sage and palo Santo
Cleansing the air and energies of my environment

Paradise was reached
When on walks
When in nature
Walking amongst the trees
Listening to the sounds of nature
Being mesmerized by the clouds
Feeling the breeze brush against my skin

Paradise was walking
Barefoot in the grass
Barefoot in the sand
Letting Lake Tahoe swallow me
Into her comforting crisp embrace

Paradise in those times was found
By not complaining
About the hardship
I was in the midst of

Paradise was found in
Enduring it with a smile
With my head held high
With perhaps a wee bit of
toxic positivity at times
Letting it be known that
I must be experiencing this
To learn a lesson

All of that is still a part of me
Pieces of this
Camilla mosaic

I still find paradise
In these things

Although, the paradise
Lands differently these days
It’s not a paradise of escape
It’s a paradise of relaxing
Into arriving at the finish line
Of the battles I have won

These days I find paradise
In adoring and appreciating people
Listening to music,
soaking in every note and lyric of live music
Dancing, moving my body to the beat

I find paradise in poetry,
listening, creating, and delivering
Laughing, being my silly, weird, chaotic self
Sharing deep, thoughtful conversations
With new and old friends
Living out loud and proud

I find my paradise
When I connect
With like-minded people

I find paradise
In learning and discovering
All of the ways in which my power
Was chipped away by others

I find my paradise
In having reclaimed my power
In knowing that I house within me
The portal to life

I find my paradise at the intersection
Of the goddess within me
My joy
And my will to continue learning
About myself

I am learning that paradise
Is when I allow myself
To experience the ecstasy
Of treating myself
To the little things that bring me joy
Having dates with myself
Appreciating my body
My femininity
Noticing my beauty
Rather than criticizing myself

I am learning that paradise
Is when I let myself know
That I am a wonderland
That I have the wondrous ability
To have this ecstatic state of being
From the inside out
Feeling a sense of my own aliveness

I carry paradise within me
For how do I know paradise
Without having traveled through hell
To arrive here

This
This right here
This is Paradise

Camilla Downs, July 2024