Throwback: Parenting is My Work and My Art

**THROWBACK POST**


(Team TLC – 2015)

Written some time in 2015

Parenthood is my work and my art. Something within was awakened when I became a parent. My life completely shifted when my two kids entered it. They reflected back, and still do, what I feel is the gift I am to share with others. They were the catalyst.

Lillian is 14 years old and Thomas is 10 years old. Lillian has a chromosome deletion called 18p- as she is missing the short arm of chromosome number 18. This manifests in speech difficulties, emotional issues, and problems with her proprioceptive system. I have single parented them since Thomas was one year old.

The self-realization journey I began nearly 20 years ago, was sparked with the initial thoughts of parenthood and grew into an all consuming flame as they entered my life. I knew there was a different way to live life, to experience life, other than the way I had been raised and the way in which some of society chooses to live.

These two are weaved throughout anything I create. The three of us are a team and I actively encourage each of them to explore being creative. Whether that’s with painting, drawing, photography or writing. By choice, we do not own a television and have not since 2008. Instead of watching television, we read and go for nature walks.

Our family life is a form of art that I openly share with the world as I feel that is my gift to share. I came to the realization that the more children we encourage to never lose their sense of wonder, to always follow their heart paired with the practice of mindfulness and emotional connection; the happier and more peaceful world we will have as they age. I feel some children these days are led down the same rabbit hole as I was, in always seeing our happiness and peace not arriving until some point in the future when this, that, or the other is obtained or accomplished.

This thought process begins with, I must be “good” so I can get rewarded. Then, I must get “good” grades and be a “good” student so I can be acknowledged. I must do this also so I can get into college and get a “good” job. If I don’t go to college, I won’t get a “good” job and I won’t make money … and I won’t be happy.

I do this mainly through writing (non-fiction and poetry) and also through nature photography; and lately through painting.

My writings are centered on mindfulness, emotional connection, nature connection, and positive, connected parenting. I draw from personal experience and intuitively share what I am moved to share with others.

***November 20, 2020 Update***I’m pretty sure this was written as an introduction of myself, to be shared somewhere that I had contributed content. In reading this, I am filled with love and adoration for myself as I stood five years ago. I begin to think, how on earth did I make it through the incredibly rough years of 2012 – 2020?

The above is a little snippet of how I made it through. I know I took a path many would not choose, but when I look back at the strength, compassion, and empathy I exhibited, I feel it was the right path for me and my family.

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 19 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 15 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

The Global Wound and Mother Earth

Flowering Bush Vintage Lake April 2017

Every Lesson Learned is Another Flower Planted**

Thank you Great Spirit for this beautiful Mother Earth.

Thank you for enlightening and awakening lessons disguised as discomfort and failure.

Thank you for the timing and opportunity to learn the depths of true love …. unconditional love.

Unconditional love for self so that I may unconditionally love my children.

That these children who are our greatest teachers and awakeners of our true selves know unconditional love and their worth.

That I may love all my brothers and sisters of this Earth as you love them.

And so it is. 2017, Lessons from Nature

What if? What if all of the suffering of this world, all the fighting, all of the destruction to our Mother Earth; comes down to one global wound? A wound that was inflicted so long ago no one even remembers where or how it happened. What is this wound? Conditional Love.

What if we let this wound heal? What if we nursed this wound? What if we sat with the wound, drained the poison from it, and nurtured it? What if we were to take the time and initial discomfort and learn to unconditionally love our self?

I raise my hand now and say, “I’m in.” I consider our kids to be mirrors to reflect back to us our own thorns and darkness. I’m blessed to have two such mirrors in my life. And sometimes blessings are not comfortable or fun.

Over the past six months these beautiful and amazing mirrors have shown me in a hugely uncomfortable way that I have never loved myself unconditionally and so therefore, I have never loved another unconditionally. And, yes, that includes my own two kids.

This has been a perfectly timed mirror message as I needed to get to a place where I would not let myself be overcome with guilt and sorrow with this knowing. Had I been shown this earlier, I would have sank down deeper into the black hole of despair, judging and becoming the victim.

What if all the times of disrespect, disregard, arguing, back talk, “laziness”, unkindness, excessive use of digital devices are not about what we mistakenly assume? What if it’s about our relationship with our our self and our kids?

What if it’s about how we only conditionally love our self? What if it’s about how we only conditionally loved them when they were wee little ones and on into their young life? What if all they are truly saying is “Love me. All of me. Love me as I am; not as you wish me to be. Don’t shame me. Don’t manipulate me.” What if excessive use of anything is only an attempt to escape from the pain of not feeling loved for who one truly is?

What if we took this same scenario out onto the streets and into the world? What if that person having a meltdown in the grocery store is truly saying, “I am so unloved. I don’t love myself. I’m horrible. No one has ever loved me.” What if all people committing crimes are simply saying the same thing? What if people in power are saying the same thing with decisions or comments they make? What if “natural disasters” and any negative seeming environmental issues are Mother Earth saying, “I need your unconditional love. Love me when you perceive beauty and love me when you don’t perceive beauty.”

None of this to excuse unkind behavior or to give anyone a free pass to wreaking havoc. Yet, when we can not let ourselves be affected by unkindness directed towards us, we will know that we have learned how to unconditionally love our self … And, can now unconditionally love the one directing unkindness our way. No matter what they say or do; our love never waivers. We can look them in the eye and say, “I love you brother.” And, what if, when the other is unconditionally loved, the unkind behavior and the “escapism” simply melt away? What if?

My take: It’s not about the unkind behavior or the object used to escape. It’s about our relationships. It’s about unconditional love. It’s about unconditional love not received as a child. It’s about being raised with and taught conditional love.

It’s absolutely and definitely not about blaming our own parents as they could not love in a way they had not been loved or taught. It’s about how most of us learned to love one self only conditionally. It’s about sharing that conditional love with others and only conditionally loving Mother Earth. It’s about passing that conditional love to our kids and so the cycle repeats.

I don’t claim to know whether this is “correct” or to know the solution. I’m also not implying with these words that we simply let kids rule their own life, making their own decisions without our guidance. There is a drastic distinction between conscious and unconscious parenting.

I do feel that the more people who are unconditionally loved, the more peaceful and joyful world we will create. So I’m starting where I can. With me.

I vow to unconditionally love my self. I vow to clear my own cobwebs so that I can be a mirror for my kids without my past interfering. I vow to unconditionally love my kids. I will release all expectations and agendas I have for each of them. I will engage with them. I will not manipulate. I will not cause them to feel guilt or shame when they are sharing of their true self. I vow to try. I may fail at times. Yet, I vow to notice when I have failed and to let them know when I have failed. I vow.

*This musing was inspired by many factors.

  • In March I experienced five sessions with an amazing intuitive reflexology healer.
  • About two weeks ago I was led to a book titled, “The Awakened Family – A Revolution in Parenting”.
  • About a week ago, I was introduced to the Real Love concept.
  • And on the evening of April 19th I attended The Alchemist Theatre presents Earth.
  • All of these combined with personal family matters led to this musing.

**I wrote the prayer above Wednesday morning, while in my car waiting for Lillian at physical therapy. I was only going to post the above beautiful picture onto my instagram account and the prayer flowed forth. The title for the prayer was “delivered” to me via Reverend Levity during the Alchemist Theatre Earth show. I say “delivered” as she did not personally give it to me. It came forth for her during the meditation portion of her sermon. My heart nearly leapt from this body when she made this comment. Thank you Jessica!

***Fortunately there are ones who know unconditional love. Blessings and gratitude to those who were raised with unconditional love and who share(d) that unconditional love with their own kids and others.

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Wonderfully exciting news! My 10 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer has arrived. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

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