Breathe In and Breath Out and Feel It

I had a decision to make. I could continue to be stuck in a place of self pity, of feeling like I’m not one of the chosen who gets to have a peaceful, abundant, and joyful life. By no means was this an easy decision to make. I struggled on and off for more than 20 years with a core belief that people like me do not get to have an easy, peaceful life.

A charmed and privileged life of knowing what one wants, how one wants to contribute to society, and for this to effortlessly flow into one’s experience. No, as much as I tried to affirm the opposite of that belief into my consciousness; I found the “people like me don’t get to have it that way” belief still lurked in the dark hidden crevices of my mind.

I’m not one of those who knew as a child what she liked to do and stuck to it, no matter what. In fact, I have no memories of any interests or leanings during my childhood. In my mind’s eye all that I see or remember are like snapshot photos, like a polaroid instant photo. I don’t remember my childhood as if it were a movie with the scenes replaying in my mind. The things I do remember are frozen in time.

Having a gratitude practice has been the shining light during times when it seemed there was only darkness. Many times it appears as if I have nothing for which to be grateful. With practice, I have learned to dig a bit deeper than what seems to be happening.

On the days in which my mind is swirling with the heaviness of circumstances; I can bring my will power to the table, allow myself to feel the heaviness, and then move into that for which I have to be grateful. There can be a seemingly never ending stretch of time between moving from feeling the heaviness to a gratitude practice. Yet, it’s worth the wait for me to do it in this way.

I can look around me and find dozens of things for which to be grateful. The clothes I’m wearing, the furniture in the room, the laptop I use to pour out my heart, the food in the kitchen, indoor plumbing, toilet paper, a comfortable bed.

Then I can shift my gaze to the window. I am grateful for the window itself so that I may see and have nature within eyesight. Gratitude continues for the trees, and grass, the fresh air, the warmth of the sun, the shade of the clouds, and the delightful bird song.

This is just the beginning. I then close my eyes and bring to mind more images for which I am grateful. My two kids come to mind. I see each of their faces, their smiles, and my heart swells with love and overflows with gratitude. These two wonderful beings have brought deep lessons and incredible joy as they were the catalyst for my arriving at a different destination than I had imagined and shifting my entire view of this thing called life. You bet I’m grateful for these two.

When my daughter, Lillian Darnell, was 3 years old, she was diagnosed with a rare chromosome condition called 18p-; which affects 1 in 56,000 people. Was I grateful for this diagnosis at the time? Absolutely not. I cursed the harshness of it, I cursed life, I was angry and I felt betrayed. Do I feel the same way 14 years later, with a 17 year old Lillian? Absolutely not. …….. Well, let’s be honest. Yes, I do at times. That’s where feeling the emotions and then the gratitude practice shine their amazing light and lend a hand.

In the past I did, in fact, bypass allowing myself to feel the cruddy stuff that called for my attention. I went straight to the gratitude practice without first acknowledging and embracing the unloveliness that had risen to the surface. These days I only bypass when I can’t possibly focus on what needs to be released or I just don’t have the energy or will power. Otherwise, I dive into the abyss and hope I come up for air some time soon!

This gratitude practice and connecting with emotions works best for me when I pour my feelings and emotions into my digital journal. First, I get it all out. Feel what I need to feel as I’m writing, from numbness, to anger, hopelessness, and despair. While at the same time either sobbing or laughing at the ridiculousness of it. For me, this is a critical first step before even entering the gratitude practice. If I did not take this first step, I’d simply be stuffing the unlovely feelings to resurface later.

In all honesty, I forget many times to come back around to gratitude. I am in a hurry, I don’t have time to sit reminding myself of all for which I have to be grateful. By allowing myself to first feel what I need to feel, I can then experience a pivotal shift by acknowledging that for which I am grateful.

At 13 years old, Lillian’s younger brother, Thomas Darnell, is in the throes of puberty and has his own set of challenges. This single parenting journey of raising two kids who each have challenges has been a wild ride. I turn to writing in my digital journal and following with the gratitude practice.

I am not meaning this to sound as if my challenges are any more important or deeper than another’s challenges. At this point I have come to realize each one of us has shadows and struggles. Some of us have perfected bypassing all this jazz, living life seemingly to the fullest. Some of us have perfected diving into it and living life to the fullest. And, some of us are patiently making our way through the diving in part and doing the darn best we can at living life to the fullest. We’re all in this together. Just in a different way.

Having a gratitude practice has been an integral part of this journey for me. I am blessed to remember to appreciate life’s delights, nature’s art and beauty, the kindness and compassion of others; balanced with diving deep into the unlovely feelings and emotions that rise to the surface, ready to be embraced, loved, felt and released.

Breathe in, Breathe out, Feel it …. One breath at a time.

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Are you an author who would like to be interviewed or a book lover who wants to discover new and interesting books? Head over to Meeting the Authors … I think you will love it!

Coming Soon!! “Words of Alchemy” is the latest book coming to life! Cover is currently being created and we are shooting for July 2019 for release date!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here.

Wonderfully exciting news! My 13 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Go here to see latest soul writings. xoxo

 

Walk With Me – A New Offering

“When we are with Nature, we are awake, and we discover many interesting things and reach many a mark we are not aiming at.” ~John Muir

Vintage Lake Path April 2016

For the past 17 years I have been going for walks. What started out as an activity simply to satisfy my desire to be active; turned into a ritual for healing, releasing, discovering my authentic self, and connecting with nature.

I offer to you unique one of a kind “Walk With Me” sessions. I am a trained coach, however, traditional coaching methods and styles are not my path. My sessions feel more like conversations with a friend, yet are conversations with a purpose. I am to be a mirror. I am to reflect back what I notice that you are not noticing.

If you feel in need of an internal shift, a change in perception, a loving, warm, “mirror” to reflect back what you are not noticing, let’s schedule a “Walk With Me” session.

Is a “Walk With Me” session right for you?

  • Take a few minutes to get to know me by going here and then perhaps reading some of my writings by going here. Do you get a resounding “Yes”?
  • Do you feel you are living life too much from your head and not enough from your heart?
  • Do you feel confused about what you are supposed to be DOing?
  • Do you question what your given talents are and how to express them?
  • Do you hesitate with trusting yourself?
  • Do you feel guilty for taking steps that are in tune with your intuition?
  • Do you feel there are habits, fears, beliefs, ideas, and thoughts that need to be released?
  • Do you wish to allow more of what brings you joy and release all else?
  • Do you want to maintain and sustain mindfulness?
  • Do you want to learn how to use emotional connection to release and shed what no longer serves?
  • Do you want to know how to introduce nature connection, mindfulness, and emotional connection to your kids?

If you answered, “yes”, then let’s go on walkabout! Go here to contact me with any questions.

Each persons session is tailored, therefore no two sessions will look the same. In addition, no two sessions will be alike for those partaking in multiple sessions.

These sessions are not guided hikes by any means. We simply go for a short walkabout in domestic nature with an attitude of open curiosity. We have so many parks and lakes with trails in this wonderful area.

This is about connecting you with nature. It’s about allowing the love and beauty of nature to guide you in healing, shifting, releasing, and discovering what you already know within. It’s also about allowing nature to reflect your beauty back to you.

I guide you in connecting with nature paired with mindfulness and emotional connection to open your awareness. Although our time spent talking before and after the walkabout will have a purpose; our time walking will be slow and seemingly with no purpose.

I also ask that you bring some sort of camera as we may take pictures for you to use in reflecting back to the experience. We also may stop for a few minutes to draw and write.

“I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in.”~John Muir

Camilla Jumping Washoe Lake April 2016

(Picture of me at Washoe Lake in Nevada – April 2016 … Wheee!)

“Nature is everywhere – in our backyards, schoolyards, city parks, and farmlands. Indeed, nature is quite literally everything, from stars and galaxies to planet Earth and the stuff in you. Simply being in the presence of natural landscapes tends to reduce stress and promote relaxation. Such experiences lower mental fatigue and boost mental clarity while enhancing both work performance and healing.” ~Scott D. Sampson

Sessions hosted at my location in the South Meadows/Damonte Ranch/Virginia Foothills area of Reno, Nevada are $58 – $118 and last between one to two hours. All other areas of Reno or Sparks are an additional flat $25.

If you don’t have questions and know you’re ready, go here to secure a “Walk With Me” session by placing a $58 deposit. Once received, we will be in contact to obtain further details and schedule your walkabout. Use this Paypal link to secure your session.

“It is in vain to dream of a wildness distant from ourselves. There is none such. It is the bog in our brains and bowels, the primitive vigor of Nature in us, that inspires that dream. I shall never find the wilds of Labrador any greater wildness than in some recess of Concord.” ~Henry David Thoreau

 Damonte Ranch Trail April 2016

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Did you know I wrote a book? It’s titled “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance” and you can read more about it here.

Latest Articles:
[catlist name=blog]

Go here to subscribe to my blog to ensure you receive new posts delivered straight to your inbox! Right here!

Feel the Fear

“To thine own self be true.” -William Shakespeare

Why should we let ourselves “feel the fear”? Why shouldn’t we just ignore it, and do “it” anyway. Yes, do it. Yet, since fear may be at the root of whatever is blocking you, if you do not let yourself physically feel in your body, this emotion called fear, then it will keep re-surfacing in your life …. until you get quiet and connect with it.

I think at this point we all get that we’ve got to release this fear in order to move forward. However, it’s not just a matter of saying, “I release you fear.” If you feel stuck with moving forward, try the emotional connection technique.

The negative feelings that arise along with thoughts of achieving your end goal will present also as discomfort, or at the least, a physical feeling within the body.

Connect With the Fear:

  • Commit to yourself to move forward. 
  • Be quiet and still. 
  • Focus on where you physically feel the negative feelings. 
  • Stay with it. 
  • The location may shift places. It may start out in the heart, then go to the stomach, then jump up to the shoulder. 
  • Stay with it. 
  • Release any thoughts of labeling the feeling or thinking about why you feel this way. Also release thoughts of and getting caught up in childhood stories should they arise. 

If you continue to stay with it, the uncomfortable emotion and physical feeling will, at the least, decrease, and, at the most, release all together. This may happen with just one session or you may need several.

Once it has completely dissipated, release whatever it is you wish to move forward with …. Faithfully try this and you may just be surprised …..

Plus, what’s the opposite of fear? LOVE!!! We must connect with the fear to let in the love that’s there waiting for us! Love, sweet love … xoxo

(This is a topic that came forth in a client session. If you like my techniques and energy and feel you’d like guidance with connecting with and releasing uncomfortable emotions, please contact me. You can also visit this page to learn more.)

Latest “Mindful Living” Articles:
[catlist name=inspired-living]

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Go here to subscribe to my blog to ensure you receive new posts delivered straight to your inbox! Right here!