How Writing Helps Me With Parenting

Writing has been a sanity saving bridge which has led from processing parenting experiences to peace and solutions. Single parenting two children led me on a journey for which I have no map. Through writing, I create the map as I travel this wild and wonderful parenting safari.

My parenting journey has included many life lessons disguised as sinkholes, road blocks, and dead ends. My daughter, Lillian, was diagnosed at age 3 years old with a rare condition called 18p-. This chromosome deletion only affects 1 in 56,000 people. Her sibling, Thomas, is a strong willed empath who either speaks his mind or holds how he feels inside until he explodes. In 2006 I became a single parent to them, lost nearly everything, and was forced to file bankruptcy.

I have been single parenting Thomas and Lillian for the past twelve years. Lillian is 17 years old now and the main way that 18p- affects her is an inability to articulate words, anxiety, chronic pain, irrational fears, and difficulty processing strong emotions. Thomas is 13 years old with his own difficulties of being a sibling to Lillian and puberty has hit him full throttle.

Writing led me to peace and acceptance of my role as parent to these two unique and beautiful children. Writing brought peace and solid steps to take in regards to medical issues, schooling, and emotional challenges faced by Thomas and Lillian. In some situations, writing was not the only factor; yet, it has been a shining thread of grace that connected my heart and mind along this parenting journey. And still is.

Several factors led to a loosely held practice of writing every day. When I became a single parent I intuitively felt moved to learn the practice of mindfulness, meditation, and journaling.

My practice of going for a walk three times a week also solidified into a committed practice of noticing and immersing in nature. All of these practices combined with the writing practice opened my eyes to a different style of parenting, a more focused and connected style.

My laptop became the couch I rest upon; while writing of my experiences became the therapist. This also serves as a tool for me to sync with life and for giving myself feedback for those experiences. Writing became an avenue to connect with and release the myriad of emotions and experiences of parenting.

The writing becomes an observer of my experiences. One that allows me to step away from the situation by pouring my heart onto the digital pages. I feel we all know in our heart the solution to tough parenting situations; or at the least, what would be the better of available options.

Although I choose to publicly share much of my experiences through writing, one does not have to write with the intention of sharing with others. The very act of writing about experiences and feelings is deeply therapeutic. There are many writing practices from which to choose. Writing with pencil and paper, using a laptop, writing in the morning, in the evening, in silence, while listening to music, at home, in a cafe, in nature … You get the idea.

The how, when and where is a completely personal preference. The portion of the practice I have found to work best for me and those I have mentored is to first get centered in one’s heart. If you find yourself stumbling and no words flowing; this is a sign you are still centered in your mind.

Take three long, deep breaths and gently release whatever thoughts you may be having. Begin to write about the parenting issue facing you. Write about your feelings and thoughts on the issue. Once you feel finished with this portion, stop for a moment. Take three long, deep breaths once again dropping your focus into the heart.

Next, write these six words … “What do I need to know?” Don’t hesitate. Just write. Write until the words are no longer flowing. Write no matter how wacky or scary this may seem. Write no matter what crazy thoughts come to mind. Write those too.

For some of you this may not be concrete enough and seem like “fluff”; and for you, it simply may not work. Yet, I’m betting that more than half of those who try this will at least feel at peace with the situation and at most know what actions to take that are in everyone’s highest and best interest.

I have experienced parenting guidance in this way and have seen others receive peace and guidance as well. If you aren’t accustomed to writing, it may take a while to grease the writing wheels. Don’t give up. Try it for at least a month. No one has to see what you write. Delete it, tear it up, shred it, crumple and stomp on it, burn it, eat it, whatever.

Write. Write and watch the transformation of becoming a more connected and focused parent. Not only that. Write and watch the transformation as you begin to trust yourself and become more at peace with life.

©2019 Camilla Downs

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here.

Wonderfully exciting news! My 13 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Go here to see latest soul writings. xoxo

Why I Meditate and Journal Write

Meditating and Asking

This morning during meditation and prayer, I expressed that I was ready to release certain aspects of my life. As I was ready to face whatever needed to arise and be embraced.

During journal writing, I asked, “What am I to focus my attention on today?”

Basically, the answer that came forth was to focus on being present in each moment. That I am to give each person I am with my undivided attention. Also, that I am to fill my heart with love and send that to each person with whom I speak. And that the overall focus of the day was to listen, with the word of the day being … LISTEN.

Receiving

Not too long after the above, one unwanted action by Thomas towards Lillian, eventually erupted into full blown “disturbance of the peace”. The peace of our humble abode.

I felt my lower self hook into the unkindness being exchanged between Thomas and Lillian. Thoughts of, “Why does this have to happen? Why does this arise and ruin the quiet of the morning? Why …. ?”

There was much yelling, door slamming, and unkind words being thrown about. I remained to the side until I allowed that hook to pull me in and add my own string of profanities and demands into the mix.

Thomas chose to go for a walk; which was a wonderful choice to make in that moment. Shortly after that, something within switched and the thought, “Have you acknowledged how Lillian feels?” Did you LISTEN?

Ah, yes. Not just acknowledging with words, but with love and understanding. Did I listen? Well, crap! I did neither of those.

And, then … I did …..

And Lillian and I had a meaningful and healing conversation. One in which we talked about closed hearts, hearts turned cold and turned to stone, and the opening and thawing of said hearts.

When Thomas returned from his walk, Lillian had not fully released the hook of, “I need to get you back for what you did.” In other words, revenge. You did this to me and now I must do this to you.

This is a painful trigger for me. Not a trigger that causes anger or similar feelings to arise. A trigger of resisting, pushing against others need for this. I used to have this same need. I no longer do and it causes my whole being to wilt in the presence of it.

This is one of the reasons I teach and model for them to “let it go”, to not respond from the lower self, and that an argument cannot continue if one person refuses to engage in the argument.

I made it clear in the most peaceful way possible that I would not allow this “revenge” by way of hitting or scratching. After much going back and forth, the matter was resolved with the two of them throwing a pillow back and forth to one another.

This entire episode lasted about an hour and a half to two hours. After this, and after everyone was calm and back to themselves, I went for a walk in the drizzling rain.

As I approached a tree, I felt the need to look up. This is what I saw and the message I received:

Tree Cradling Sun Cloudy Day Vintage Walk 2.7.17

I’ve got you.

You are never alone.

I am always here supporting you.

Further, as I was walking, I remembered what I had asked for in meditation and prayer and the journal message.

Realizing You Have Received

Aha! I see now. Yes, yes. So I spent much time filling my heart with gratitude for having experienced what I asked to experience and face.

In order that I may continue on this path I have chosen to travel ….

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Wonderfully exciting news! My 10 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer has arrived. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

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