I share these words from the heart space, a place of compassion and love and of wanting the same for all of you. I have been practicing Loving Life and letting Life Love me in return. Some of this has to do with loving-kindness for one’s self, some to do with loving each other, the Earth, nature, and animals.
Life really loved on me yesterday. I embraced some fears yesterday morning, knowing that they are a part of me and not trying to push them away or crush them. I just let them be and in turn they did not stop me!
Then I went on to have an absolutely wonderful day. Found out that we would be able to stay in Salt Lake City from Friday to Friday as we originally planned and would not have to cut it short. I had loving interactions with everyone I came across … at Mill Street Tire getting the oil changed and tires rotated, an impromptu stop to see a friend, and getting Thomas a haircut.
As we were checking out at Whole Foods, two women came up to me and thanked me over and over again for the kindness of my son as he had helped them get something they could not reach (I was not aware of this.). Thomas was confused on the drive home and kept asking why they kept thanking him (and me).
Then when we got home, I had a message asking if I’d be interested in contributing a 2,000-4,000 word article to a multidisciplinary government journal having to do with intellectual disabilities. Later, I began to feel guilty. I chose to connect with that feeling, to see what I needed to learn from it. I learned that when good things happen, I begin to feel I am not worthy.
Well, not anymore. I am worthy and so are YOU! We do not have to accomplish spectacular things, be a certain way, look a certain way, have a certain amount of money and prestige. And, if you have all those things … You are worthy too! We are all worthy, because we are breathing and every breath we take is a miracle. Love is indeed the answer … xoxo …
**Update April 19 2021 – What an amazing journey I’ve been on. It’s wild how difficult it can be to like ourselves, to believe we are worthy, to not see ourselves in the worst light. I moved through the worst of this, leaving it behind with the dawn of 2020. However, I still have days, weeks even, where I question my worthiness.
I suppose that’s simply a component of being human. I witness as my beautiful 15 year old son has these same struggles, and feelings. May he, may all of us, stop being so hard on ourselves, and come to know how precious, beautiful and worthy we are. xoxo (Here’s the article I was asked to contribute –
Camilla See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!
“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.
Amazing news! My 19 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here.
Wonderfully exciting news! My 15 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.
**I wrote this on February 27, 2019 … One day after my 49th birthday.
Just when I thought the really deep, tough stuff was all done ….
Around the 1st of February 2019, I began to feel anxious and restless. A knowing was woken within me that I had forgotten. Many, many, many years ago I had turned my back on someone who needed me. I broke loose from this relationship and built a strong, heavy door between the two of us. I wanted nothing to do with the sadness, envy, and jealousy she held within. I was sick and tired of being around this heavy, dark energy. So. I left without even an explanation.
In the midst of coming to this knowing, I experienced a series of three events in a one week period that caused me to view myself as a failure. A failure as a parent, a failure as a friend, and a failure at a work project. I sat with the emotions this brought forth and when I remembered, I invited it all with open arms and when I remembered, I loved myself during these harsh thoughts.
A pattern surfaced. I took notes, looking back at past events to round up as many events as possible that came back to this same pattern. Then, I had one of the most amazing aha moments.
I came to know that the feelings and emotions that were felt during and after these three events, were from within the one I had abandoned. These were her actions and her emotions.
Who is this one I turned my back on years ago? She is my inner child, little Camilla. I had not realized when I brushed aside all of the harshness experienced in my youth and younger years; that I had turned my back on her and how she viewed life.
What I came to know near the beginning of this month is that I am needed by her. We need each other. She knows things about my childhood. I know a few things about this journey I’ve traveled and kinda sort of, a few things about being an adult. I realized she could give me back my childhood, help me to remember what my dreams were, what my interests were, what I loved to do as a child.
I also realized that I could help her to not view life the way in which she does. Not to her fault. She views life in the way it was modeled to her when she was a youngster and by way of just assuming things on her own. She was unintentionally neglected then and has been neglected by me ever since the day I left and built the door between us.
Once I realized this, I began the work of tearing down that door. I lovingly let her know how sorry I was for abandoning her. I let her know I would ever more be here for her, that I trust her, I believe in her, I see her, and I hear her. I let her know that even if she never trusts me and never reveals her secrets to me; I will be here, unconditionally loving her and acknowledging how she feels.
As often as I can remember, I will place my hand on my heart, and send the message to her that she is loved, she is seen, she is heard, that I believe in her. I will share the message that life does not have to be as she assumed or witnessed. Life can be as I have learned it can be, as I have lived it, as I have envisioned and as I know it to be. Once the two of us reunite, and join, we will know this as one and it can become our united path.
Such peace is with me knowing that I am reuniting with little Camilla. Knowing when I am triggered and these same emotions, thoughts, and feelings surface, that they are coming from her, the sweet child within. Now that I know this, I am able to comfort her and let her know this is not how it has to be. There is another way.
What a beautiful miracle it is to recognize from where these feelings of being left out, feelings of doing it wrong, feelings of only getting the scraps of life, what’s left over, and feelings of unworthiness, envy, sadness, and jealousy originate. I say again, what a beautiful miracle.
Being more than a month out from this experience, I have moved through it and am in a place of peace, beauty and joy. I accept these moments when they arise and move through them. For my own benefit and for the benefit of humanity. For I do believe every single bit of healing we do for ourself, goes towards global healing as well. Much love to all of YOU!!
Now, to share the birthday celebrations with you ……..
Just had to show off this lovely creation by my sweet friend Jessica Araus!! Sweet and perfect!!
And, my mantra for the day from sweet friend, Cat Murray …. “I am shiny” … Heeheehee!!
And, and this beautiful birthday blessing from my beautiful friend Lalita Simon-Creasey …
Happy Birthday to you dearest Camilla
I wish to ye with that most beautiful of smiles
Fall deeper and deeper in love with who you are
Seeing grace and beauty everywhere as you travel through the miles.
May today be the beginning of everything true
May you be fulfilled, cherished and joyfully happy
May you see always truest beauty inside you
May you smile as you read these words of prosperity.
With lots of love on your birthday and always,
Photos of the 2019 birthday celebrations!!
We enjoyed a special birthday dinner at The Romano Duo’s place the night before my birthday.
It was a nasty drive from Reno to Dayton with extremely strong winds, gusting 80-90 miles per hour with the added bonus of big fat wet snow drops; which froze as soon as landing on the windshield! Took my time, driving as slow as I needed to feel comfortable, taking the least busy route so as not to worry about other drivers who may be in a hurry.
Frank had a virgin Bloody Mary waiting for me with a beautiful roasted, pickled asparagus spear and lemon stuffed olives! We enjoyed an amazing salad to go with our main dish. They made me my very own pot of vegan spaghetti sauce using Beyond Meat crumbles. And a lovely vegan Baklava for my birthday dessert treat.
Ahhhhhh …. Good stuff!!
On my birthday, 2.26.19, we had birthday cake for lunch!! Thank you to Thomas for catching the moment of my wish making. ❤️❤️❤️
Birthday celebrations with a plot twist! Sparkling pink lemonade birthday toast in the dark!!! Power went out just as we were sitting for dinner. Stayed out for three hours. That wind packed a powerful message.
Thank you to my sweet friend and neighbor, Kendra Johnson for buying a package of C batteries for our flashlight! I just happened to text her asking if she had any while she was at the store!!
And, thank you to another sweet neighbor for whom I’m cat sitting. I borrowed a couple of votive candles from her place. Cats were kinda freaked out from the wind and their music had shut off!
Lillian used coding on scratch to make me a digital card. Isn’t it beautiful??? I was going to have a birthday movie night. Hmmmm … Will see if I make it to it now.
This 49th year blew in with 60 and 70 mile gusts, eventually taking the power out just as we sat to eat dinner and have our sparkling pink lemonade toast last night. It was three hours later when power was restored. There’s an interesting message in there somewhere. Ha!!!
Camilla See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!
Alexis Jones delivers an inspiring read with her own personal twist. “I Am That Girl” is not just another motivational/inspirational book. I have read more of these types of books than I can even count or remember. This one really speaks to me.
Perhaps it’s where I am in my own life; stripping away layers of stuff that’s not me, being okay with it, and not afraid to be me. If that’s the same place you are, or maybe you’re just attracted by the title, I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.
Did I like absolutely everything written in the book? No. But, I got more out of it then the few lines that I disagreed with or that weren’t my style. Jones shares her life experiences and the life experiences of other ladies with solid steps and new thought processes to get you started on your “that girl” journey or to add to the journey you’ve already begun.
What are the steps and thoughts to take to speak your truth, discover your truth and be you? Jones covers topics such as what makes you happy, having compassion for yourself, work ethic, dancing to the beat of your own drum, dreaming big, having resilience, being a sponge and being of service. I resonated with many of the quotes scattered throughout the book also.
I was inspired, had aha moments, and my eyes even sweated some. One of my favorite sections is “That Girl Manifesto”. I’ll be writing my own and you’ll see it appear as a blog post. I’ve already begun to write it and it feels good! Jones concludes with a great “Resource” section for continuing your “I Am That Girl” journey.
Most Inspiring Lines: (Way too many to list. Here are a few.) I know what it’s like to spend an entire lifetime trying to pretend that I’m okay, that I’m “fine.” I know what it’s like to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, convincing people that I have it all together. I know how exhausting it is and how many nights I cried alone in my bed, too tired to carry the burden anymore. What I do know is the freedom when I decided that I wasn’t going to pretend anymore.
There is nothing in this world that is more beauty-full than a human being who knows her worth and is comfortable in her own skin. Authentic confidence is when you know who you are and what you stand for. You’re unshakeable, a force to be reckoned with, and no one can take that away from you.
(To help support my blogging I will include an Amazon link to items I use or you will see google ads from time to time. I LOVE sharing my journey and choices with you and this just helps to keep me going!)