Tag Archives: single parenting

Latest News: Celebrate with a Love Train – I Did It!

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(Photo of me at Washoe Lake – 2016)

June 25 2022

I just paid off the last of the debt incurred during the 8 years of financial struggling we went through. 🎉🎉 The financial struggles finally came to an end in the beginning of 2020.

I look back at myself during those times, living with heaviness like a storm cloud that never dissipates, with awe and appreciation for how I managed.

It all began in 2006, with a separation, followed by divorce in 2007. Absolutely everything was in my name, as the person I married had poor credit. I had excellent credit. I paid for things as long as I could, using all savings, all retirement money, giving my car back to the bank, until I had to file for bankruptcy in 2009.


(Photos of us having a “going away” party for the car)

With poor credit, I could not get approved for any type of credit. We lived off of what money I earned, Lillian’s SSI, and about $300 in child support. Then when I finally was approved for credit, we lived off of credit, paying the minimum each month, just to borrow from it again the next day or so. It was an incredibly draining time, emotionally and physically.

My way of dealing with much of our experiences during that time was to make everything an adventure. For my sanity, I had to do this. Living as a family of 3 in a 1 bedroom, 1 bath 800 square foot place for a little over 4 years began as an adventure, ending with feeling like a caged bird set free. Not having enough money to pay for food, rent, utilities, with a constant thought stream of “How am I going to pay for this?” is exhausting.

Having this experience, along with being a parent to Thomas and Lillian, has been absolutely life changing. The Before Camilla was a judgmental, stuck-up, non-empathetic, it’s-your-own-fault-you’re-in-this-mess, take-care-of-it-yourself person. I mean, I was still a nice person, but I cringe at some of those old beliefs. Life took me by the hand and said, here, have these experiences and see if you feel the same.

This melted the hard shell surrounding my heart, causing it to expand with empathy, love, and understanding for my fellow humans. I wish I could have gotten to this place without having to have had the harsh experiences. Yet, for some, this is what it takes.

I do not share this for sympathy. I share as that’s what I do. I share so that you can celebrate with me. Celebrate for yourself, too. Celebrate your own resilience with me as I celebrate mine.

I hadn’t intended for this to be so long! Once I get going, I can’t stop! May we all shed the hard shell surrounding the heart. 🥰🥰🥰

I don’t know how I would have made it without the help of my Mom and Frank, my Daddy, and many loving friends. Thank you all so very much!!

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 20 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here. 

Wonderfully exciting news! My 16 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

 

Get to Know Me: What Weird or Useless Talent Do You Have?

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I’m a member of an author/book reader facebook group, and the admins ask great questions. I decided to turn some of the questions into a “get to know me” series. I would also love to hear your answers to the questions posed in the series. Thanks Helen for asking such fun questions!

Before sharing this with writer’s facebook group mentioned above, I had NEVER shared this with anyone other than my two kids. Vulnerable post upcoming …

When they were very young, 2 years old and 5 years old (now 19 and 15), we didn’t have the money for anything other than the necessities.

I was always on the lookout for ways to help us laugh. So … I began to speak gibberish and entire sentences whenever I belched. They thought that was the best, and funniest thing in the world. It became a habit. I still do it to this day. I call my daughter the burp whisperer as she translates what I say. Good lord, help me! 🤪😂🤣 Maybe it’s a good thing I don’t have a partner. 😂🤣

Within the facebook group, someone commented how much they appreciated and liked what I shared. I replied:

Here I was thinking I’d become famous for my eloquent words or beautiful photography. Alas, the universe works in mysterious ways. “Here lies Camilla Downs. Sure, she was an author, loving mom, and spreader of loving kindness. Yet, she was famous for her unique ability to belch gibberish, words, and entire sentences. We will miss her and her belching talents.”

I love sharing, being authentic. Sometimes the things we think will turn people away from us, are the things that turn people towards us. Life’s funny, isn’t it? Sending you hugs, not belches.

What about you? What weird or useless talent do you have?


(2015 Team TLC)

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 19 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here. 

Wonderfully exciting news! My 15 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Throwback Post: Being a Sibling to One With Special Needs

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(I recently changed the hosting company for this website, along with all other websites I manage. In the aftermath, my draft posts got deleted. Oh no! Fortunately, they were in the back up and could be reinstalled. However, the original draft dates were deleted. I’m taking that as a sign that it’s time to do cleanup and housekeeping.)


(Thomas and Lillian – 2010 – Geiger Way Lookout)

**THROWBACK TO 2014**

After a huge Lillian meltdown this morning which caused him to be a wee bit late for school.

I am trying to help him notice when it’s not a good idea to push Lillian. He does try so hard, but just wants to not have to try sometimes. Lillian is making huge progress, yet, we still have those moments. Thomas’ teacher shares often with me how she enjoys his presence in the classroom as he’s so empathetic and compassionate.

I have recently pulled back from intervening when they decide to be unkind with one another. I’ve explained that I have taught them methods to use and I model those methods. It is up to them whether they use them or not.

This morning it escalated, I remained calm and not involved. It escalated and escalated and escalated. There was screaming and door slamming. I remained calm and not involved. I got scratched and pinched, I remained calm. I kept emphasizing that I’d be happy to help her get calm and to let me know when she was ready. And. Finally, Lillian asked for help in calming down. I walked her through a meditative breathing exercise and we moved on …. I don’t always remain calm. I did this morning and it makes such a huge, huge, huge difference when I do. Mindfulness is an amazing way to live …

Yes, this. I am blessed and grateful that we are a team. I am having the time of my life on this journey with them. The joy, suffering, happiness, peace, love, and all … xoxo

**June 2020 Update** – Six years later. I’d love to say that Thomas and Lillian get along fabulously now. They don’t. Lillian is 18 and Thomas is 14.

Thomas has much anger and unsettled feelings about being Lillian’s sibling. The years of horrific meltdowns. I mean we just had one at 1:30am this morning. I’ve told him as often as I could remember that it was okay to be angry, okay to have whatever feelings he has about the situation.

Much of my time being spent with Lillian. Not having a typical sibling, with a typical sibling relationship, doing typical activities as a family. These all became too much at some point, with him internalizing much. This is something we will be addressing at some point this year.

Lillian has much jealousy towards Thomas, for all the things he can do that she can’t do. Jealous of my time spent with him, jealous even when he and I speak to one another. Jealous may not be the word to use here, it’s quite possibly stems from something else. She may have internalized some trauma from her childhood. All issues to be addressed when she is ready to do so.

I do not share to receive comfort or sympathy. I share as that’s what I know I am to do. I share so other siblings and parents know they are not alone. As I know that in the past I have felt guilt and shame when observing a sibling with their special needs sibling getting along fabulously, with compassion and love. Wondering what I had done wrong. I now know I have done nothing wrong. People are just different.

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 18 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here. 

Wonderfully exciting news! My 14 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Thoughts on Mother’s Day – 2020

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I didn’t post anything about Mother’s Day this past Sunday, May 10, 2020. I was feeling down, and dealing with aching teeth. For anyone new to this blog, I have two kids. Thomas who is 14 years old and Lillian who is 18 years old. I’ve raised them alone for the past 13 years.

Mother’s Day has never been about store bought gifts and flowers for me. I do not judge those who find these things meaningful. I have always loved and enjoyed the home made cards and gifts that Thomas and Lillian made me when they were younger. I have attempted to raise them not to feel compelled to give gifts just because a calendar, or someone else, says it’s time to give a gift. I wanted them to give gifts because they were moved to do so, to show love, to show joy, to show appreciation. I now understand why moms around the world keep and treasure gifts their kids made for them as children. These are true treasures.

By afternoon on Sunday, I had received nothing from either Thomas or Lillian. Well, except Thomas told me “Happy Mother’s Day” when he overheard me telling my mom the same. Lillian had been in a snarky, unfriendly mood, and remained so all day. In the late afternoon, I shed tears at something Thomas had said; which led him to tell me he didn’t know what to give me or make for me and he didn’t feel like making anything. I explained that I don’t want him to feel obligated to give me something. But, I sure as hell can be sad and nostalgic for when they were younger and spent days making me a gift. And, my sadness does not mean that he has done something wrong. He understood.


(Throwback to 2014)

Later that night, he gave me a hug and told me I was a good mom. Later, still, he commented that I don’t look 50 years old and that I should have more wrinkles. He said I look 40 years old. HA! Silly Thomas! Oh my gosh! I have been on this freaking planet for 50 damn years! That’s wild!

I felt compelled to share a glimpse of a different Mother’s Day post. I respect how all choose to celebrate this day, and have compassion for those who have sadness in their hearts on this day. We are all different, yet, the feelings of joy and sadness are felt by all.

May you take from this whatever is meant for you. xoxo

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 18 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here. 

Wonderfully exciting news! My 14 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.