One of Those Extra Sensitive Days

With Lillian turning 18 and the stressful move, I got behind on posting things here. For a while, you’ll be getting some older posts as I get caught up … Much love!

December 15 2019:

(Photo of me during a 2013 Date Day with Thomas – seemed fitting)

Feeling extra sensitive today, hormonal, grumpy, pouty, sad, and sleep deprived due to being up to the early morning hours with Lillian. Had I been on the receiving end of the following unsolicited “suggestions” when not in this state, I would have (probably) easily laughed it off. (Sharing for anyone else who is going through some really weird times!)

“You should write about your life, things that happened during your youth, up through your divorce, up through the current time. That would be very interesting. That stuff you’re writing now is too girly and boring. You should write something that appeals to middle aged white males, possibly divorced (the person making the suggestion is also very conservative). A book that details all the raw details (the not nice stuff) and the ripple effect of what you did when you decided to divorce. You could have a section in there from my (the one making this suggestion) point of view, too. Saying no less than five times, “of what happened when you decided to divorce”.

I was so stunned, I remained silent and just responded with Hmmmm … Coming from someone I’ve spoken to a handful of times in the past 6 years. I absolutely welcome input from well meaning friends. All of the previous and a few other things were said in a nice, seemingly helpful tone, with the underlying energy of shaming. I may be extra sensitive today, but I’m no fool. (In case it’s not clear, these suggestions came from my ex-husband.)

I don’t write to an audience. I write what wants to be written and doubt I’ll ever write something that appeals to his demographic … as that’s not ME. What a weird, un-fun, and unlovely past few months this has been. And, yes, I think this will be included in the memoir that has been brewing for years. It just wasn’t ready to be born yet. It may even be born as a fiction, based on true events. We shall see … Here’s to taking deep breaths, being kind to myself, and most of all, loving myself through times like this. And, when needed for release, saying bunches of swear words, bunches …

March 18 2020 Update – Although I was in a sensitive state when this conversation happened, it still would have triggered me. However, I moved through it, letting myself feel what I needed to feel, not trying to push it away. Sending love to anyone who has experienced a similar situation.

See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy” has arrived, December 2019! A free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 18 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 14 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

The Beauty of All Individual Personalities and Souls


February 19 2014:

(Thomas on a walk in 2014)

When I picked up Thomas from school recently, he told me he has been asking all of his classmates whether or not they like LEGOS. Only one or two say they do and the others tell him they don’t and they like playing the Wii. He said it makes him feel bad that no one else likes them.

I explained to him that I’ve had a similar experience with feeling bad when others don’t like or feel the same way about something I like. BUT, I have learned that I am choosing to feel this way … And I can choose not to feel this way also.

He said, “That’s so hard, though”. I told him I completely understand and it takes lots and lots of practice to choose not to let it bother you. I said this may help …

People are all different. We like different things. Some like the same things. Some don’t like the same things. Instead of labeling it as good when someone likes the same “stuff” as you, just look at it as “It just is” and when someone doesn’t like what you do, look at that as “It just is”.

(Thomas put this together for my birthday in 2014)

What would the world be like if we all liked the SAME thing? Nothing would ever get done! If EVERYONE liked LEGOS and only building with LEGOS we’d having nothing but little plastic LEGO food, LEGO furniture and LEGO houses, LEGO cars. We’d be these big giant people trying to live in a little LEGO world! We all three got a laugh out of that one!

Thomas doesn’t even know what a Wii is … After he told me the above, he asked, “What’s a Wii?” … I don’t think these kids were being unkind. They were being truthful. I also want Thomas to know it’s okay to be truthful with others and not say things just to “fit” in or because it’s what others want to hear. I did not tell him one way or the other that either of these preferences was better than the other. That can be a conversation for another day.

He already knows how I feel about TV and video games. We don’t own either of them … Thomas is so into his LEGOs! He watches YouTube videos of LEGO tutorials and really wants to build his own creations. That’s BIG!!

The new LEGO sets come with detailed, numbered instructions and bags … one hardly has to think to put them together. YET, after you’ve put the designated item together, then you get to take it apart and think about making your own creation with ALL THOSE BRICKS!! We have a big bucket of over 600 random LEGO pieces on it’s way to us right now and he can hardly stand it!! (Something he got with Christmas money!)

(One of the photographs in Thomas’ book, Biggest Little Photographer, published 2016)


My 2018 thoughts …..

Four years later I still pretty much feel in tune with this conversation. I would add that when we feel sad or angry in these situations, it is a sign, an internal raised hand, for us to walk into that uncomfortable feeling so that it can be released.

The more we take the opportunity to do this, the more we release, the more our heart opens, and eventually our internal response to these situations will be completely different.

These situations will still continue to happen. Yet, our response will be from a place of love with the ability to see the uniqueness and beauty of all individual personalities and souls.

Regarding the bit from 2014 where I mention I want Thomas to know he can be truthful with others …. Well, I think that was successful; for the most part. At times, his truthfulness presents me with the opportunity to walk into and release uncomfortable feelings. Although it may not feel like it at the time, that is a true blessing.

(Thomas on one of our 2014 walks)

See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

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