Camilla’s Birthday Party – My Heart is Full

March 8 2024

Jesse, Rachel and Alex, Isis, Joelle and friends, Schae, Iain, Thomas, Gigi, Amy, Nico, Paolo, Anthony, Ashley, Gene, Vernon, and anyone who I may have missed.

Thank you so much for coming to my party last night. I understand how valuable everyone’s time is these days. Thank you for the hugs, the dancing, for buying me drinks, for sharing in my joy. I appreciate all of you so very much.

That some of you took time to not only write a poem, with a couple of you speaking an impromptu poem, meant the absolute fucking world to me. I learned that one of the qualities that everyone unanimously loves about me are my hugs. It was hard not to let my eyes leak liquid love. I cherish these relationships.

Ashley was amazing with her sick DJ’ing! Love what she did with the playlist I gave her! And thank you to Anthony for the ride home! My heart is so full today.

Thank you Black Rabbit Mead Company, and their bartenders for being so awesome!❤️❤️❤️

This birthday is landing differently.

I feel free, uninhibited, ready to let loose.

I feel on the other side of a part of my life that was monumental.

I am fully emerging from the Team TLC cocoon of the past 12 or so years.

Those years were quiet, solitary, meditative, reflective. I’m no longer in that space.

Time for the next phase of life.

Yes, to the fun, the dancing, the music, the poetry, and more. All the things that set me on fire.


I am a person who analyzes everything and hasn’t owned a television since 2008.
I wonder what my life would have been like if I had not been taught to conform, if I had not believed that by a certain age I needed to be married and have kids.
I hear poetry in music lyrics, and in conversation with others.
I see the way people feel about me between the words they speak, and the words that silently leave their eyes and enter mine.
I want politicians, religious zealots to fucking leave the transgender community the hell alone.
I am a Gen X woman who is questioning and exploring her sexuality.

I pretend not to be bothered when like-minded people don’t want to be friends.
I feel words in my entire body; they puncture my skin, drip into my veins, spread throughout my body, exiting through movement, tears, smiles, laughs, and raindrops.
I touch my silky soft hair, shoving it into my face, inhaling the scent and enjoying the feel.
I worry about my disabled daughter’s life once I no longer walk amongst the living.
I cry for the lives lost due to the rabid hate and lies spread by a portion of our society.
I am having the time of my life learning about myself, free of the shackles of conformity.

I understand that my neurospicy-ness is misunderstood by some, causing them to feel I am too much, too loud, too self-absorbed; that I share too much, that I always share the long version.
I say things that make absolutely no fucking sense sometimes
I dream of taking dance lessons and dancing professionally in front of an audience, at least once
I try to avoid people I know sometimes, if I see them in the grocery store, I will turn around, and go down an aisle I just left
I hope that we successfully make it through this next election cycle with our democracy in tact, and that those trying to take us backwards feel defeated enough to go the fuck away
I am living the second half of my life with eyes wide open, speaking up, and advocating like a fly who is determined to land on those damn fried green tomatoes.

Lillian’s two poems for me:

The mermaids of the sea bow down
To the queen of the oceans
Bravely dancing

In the seas of love and the heart of kindness
Dances the braveness of the mermaid
Of my heart of friendliness

Swimming into the dancing sea of stars
The mermaid dances to the song
Of life bravely and free
To the mermaids of sea
Lillian Darnell 2024

C – Creative Minds of A Mermaid
A – Adventures of A Mermaid
M – Mermaids Of the Ocean
I – Imaginative Mermaids
L – Land of the Mermaids
L – Light-hearted Mermaids
A – A Mermaid of the Sea
Lillian Darnell 2024

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