November 9 2016:
I wrote this message after taking these pictures. We just got back from Lillian’s OT appointment and I was drawn to these two trees. Lillian and I laughed, and smiled, and took wonderful, inspiring pictures. A message inspired by nature …
Wednesday, November 9, 2016, was so incredibly strange as I was going through an internal shift all day and it was simply overflowed into my presentation. This afternoon from 1-3:45 I spoke on a parent panel at UNR (with 6 other Moms) to students getting a degree serving individuals with disabilities in one capacity or another. The class is titled Serving Individuals with Disabilities and their Families.
In the past I would have been bothered for at least 2 weeks by the way I presented myself. I feel it’s time to retire the facade and BE who we are … vulnerable, real people whose only true want is love, joy, and kindness … And it’s only a “want” because we haven’t realized we already have all that within us.
It was not my best “speaking”. My voice wavered, I was on the verge of tears, and wept at times. I’ve spoken so many times over the years about this topic and not presented in the same way as today. I’m usually firm and confident. Yet, I do not judge myself thinking I have done poorly. I was authentic.
When these students graduate, get their first job, and they have a parent(s) sitting across from them, there will be days when that parent will not be their best. They may be experiencing illness in the family, a marriage that’s crumbling, had a negative experience in the grocery store before the meeting, or experienced something world shifting that has caused them to know who they truly are at a deeper level.
Today I was authentic in a huge room full of people I do not know. On the drive home I cried so hard and deep I could hardly get my breath. A strange mixture of tears of sadness and joy all at the same time. Knowing a chasm had just opened in my heart to an even deeper level to let love flow in and out. A chasm of connection with all.
I was crying hysterically and singing at the top of my lungs to this ….
Followed by this one …
Since then everything seems so clear and pure. When I listen to songs, I’m hearing them like I’ve never heard them before. I’m singing and dancing and the love is overflowing within me.
I realized that I have an opportunity here. A golden opportunity to confront shadows still lurking within and have this be the catalyst to walk the talk and BE LOVE, to do what I came here to do .. And that is to share love in my own unique way ….
It was beautiful and authentic. Good thing the hysterical enlightenment and awakening waited until I was in the car and didn’t happen in front of those students. They only got a little taste of it!
May we all let ourselves know who we truly are .. not what the mind or ego would have us believe. What we truly are ….. LOVE …. xoxo
***October 23 2020 Update*** …. I absolutely took hold of that golden opportunity and proceeded to dive deep into remembering, healing, connecting, feeling, releasing, and doing it all over again … for 4 years.
At times, I literally felt like I would die during the midst of deep diving. I’m thankful and blessed to be sitting here, typing this on the other side of that intense time. It was completely and totally worth every moment. Thank you to the friends and family who patiently and lovingly supported and loved me during this time. I love you … xoxo
(I recently changed the hosting company for this website, along with all other websites I manage. In the aftermath, my draft posts got deleted. Oh no! Fortunately, they were in the back up and could be reinstalled. However, the original draft dates were deleted. I’m taking that as a sign that it’s time to do cleanup and housekeeping.)
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!
“Words of Alchemy”, published December 2019, is a free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.