“Do not expect others to follow your way. When things always go your way, it is easy to become arrogant.” -The Treatise on the King of Treasures Samadhi
Sunday, May 13, 2018 was Mother’s Day in the United States. It was the worst Mother’s Day I can remember experiencing.
I’m writing this, I’m sharing this, for those amongst us whose hearts were covered and weighted with sadness. As I know not everyone had a great and blessed day being showered and pampered with love by themselves or loved ones.
Thomas had just returned to Reno from his visit with The Romano Duo (grandparents) in Arizona. He had much blunt and forthright thoughts to share about how unhappy he is with our situation and with Lillian’s inflexibilities and anxieties. I grabbed that hook and sank into a deep sadness of telling myself how much of a failure I am at providing for my kids, how much of a failure I am at being their parent.
(Let me add here that I do not blame Thomas. I have raised him to be honest and to openly share his thoughts and opinions with others. Usually he is thoughtful with his word choice when doing so.)
I awoke to no cards, no hugs, no smiles at any time during the day. I am not one to expect store bought gifts; yet, I have always loved the handmade notes, cards and art Thomas and Lillian have given me. I’m sure a wee bit has to do with them getting older and moving out of this stage of their lives. Mostly this stung so badly due to the deeply sad state in which I had sunk. I maneuvered through the day with a heavy and painful body shrouded by a fog of sadness and confusion.
“As we experience adversity in our lives, we mature and become more understanding. Just remember that the person who has made your life difficult today could be an undercover teacher sent from above, tasked with your spiritual growth.” -The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down by Haemin Sunim
Throughout the week Thomas and I talked about the things he shared. And, Monday and Tuesday followed with incredibly healing walks and messages from nature.
I also had a deep realization and reminder that life is NOT the stories we tell ourselves. Things happen. Period. Words are spoken. Period. Seasons change. Period. Life continues. Period. All grow older. Period.
If we can remember to end each of these at the period and not ruminate with stories beyond the period; we deflect much suffering for ourselves.
…. from a walk this Monday morning …… Reflections. Cloudy and clear at the same time? Ahhhh. Such is it.
Don’t hold onto it. Let it roll right off your back.
Nature always has a perfect message for us when we stop, be quiet, and listen. I mean, look at those cute little water droplets. How could I not stop, take it in, and capture the moment? …. from a walk this morning …
This found me on a walk. Lots of goose quills around, yet have never seen two like this before.
I just had the chance to research online a bit and found that the quill of a goose has long been a preferred writing instrument. Apparently it awakens the imagination and intuition flows. The writer travels through time capturing stories of past, future and present.
I’ll take it! Time to write more. I’ll imagine my fingers are goose quills and that I’m writing like the wind as I type. My fingers and hand begin to hurt after about 5 minutes of handwriting so I just can’t do it.
By the end of the week the sadness had fully lifted and Thursday evening brought a tremendously huge aha moment bringing even more clarity (blog post to follow about this – if it feels right, sign up to receive blog posts via email should you not want to miss new blog posts).
Friday was a beautiful, light, and joyful day. Thomas and I had a great time on our May 2018 date day going out for lunch and then to Little Washoe Lake for digging in the sand and playing with a huge piece of driftwood.
After all of this and after writing this, I am able to come back around and say, “2018 was an uneventful Mother’s Day. I did not receive homemade gifts from my kids.” Period. No stories or harsh self talk to follow. No stories of “worst Mother’s Day ever”.
I do not share this to cause others to feel badly. It is my hope that your heart overflows with gratitude that these are not lessons you need to learn and to have compassion for others. I share because sharing is what I do. And, I know the person who needs to receive this message will receive it.
Everything is going to be okay.
Camilla See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!
Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here.
Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.
I was recently led to a wonderful community of poets and am blessed that one of my poems was featured last month. I am deeply grateful to have found a loving community with which to share my nature inspired poetry.
Thank you to Thomas for taking this picture of me; which I feel exudes freedom …
Although I am including the post in it’s entirety here, please take a moment to visit the original post on “Journey of the Heart – Women’s Spiritual Poetry” by going here …
I feel as if the poems I write are from nature and shared through my heart and fingers…
My poems are inspired by nature photographs made by me. I sit with a photograph, ask what I am to share, touch my fingers to the keyboard, close my eyes, and let the message flow. It is as if nothing else exists when I’m in this flow. It is almost always aligned with something I am in the midst of personally, and will usually answer or clarify an issue for me.
This poem was written the morning after I attended a local show by The Alchemist Theatre. The theme of the show was Providence. We all took white stones, were walked through a beautiful prayer/meditation at which time the name or image that appeared for us was our “name”. We then wrote this name on the white stone.
The message shared with me that night is that I am supposed to plant seeds of loving-kindness wherever I go and these poems are part of that. This served more as confirmation as I’ve known for a while I was supposed to do this, yet, was unclear on how.
“LoveSeed” is the name that came to me during meditation. For quite some time I’ve been dancing in and out of my own darkness and shadows. I experienced a shift that night. This is the message I wrote to the members of Alchemist.
“It is when we are in the depths of our own darkness, we can rest assured the light and solutions are simply awaiting our embrace of said darkness, for the light will shine, shine, shine once we patiently dance with the darkness.”
The next day I sat with this picture of trees which I took in the summer of 2016 and thought, “What do you have to share?” This poem is nature’s message to me and anyone else to whom it speaks and one of the many love seeds I am to plant.
Free to Be You
by Camilla Downs
Light and peace
await you dear one.
I know this is
your heart’s desire.
It never leaves you.
It cannot leave you
for it is what you are.
The light is the Source.
And you are the light.
At times you choose
to recede into the darkness,
and disconnect from the Light.
Pass through the darkness,
if you wish to
emerge into the light.
The darkness can always
And emerge you will.
Emerging into the light.
Merging with the light.
BEing the light.
You will know this.
You will feel it.
As the light embraces you
and becomes you,
all else will lift
and you shall be set free.
Free to be you,
free to come home
to the true you,
free to share divine love
in the way only you can share.
Be in the glory
of peace and light
for this is your inheritance.
for your awakening.
My poems and nature photographs will soon be available as gift post cards and published in a book tentatively titled, Lessons from Nature. If you would like to be notified when these are available, please comment here or send an email to CamillaDowns @ gmail . com …. Thank you for your support!
Camilla See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!
Wonderfully exciting news! My 10 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer has arrived. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.