What Does it Mean to Love

I’ve had a huge, important realization in the past two weeks. One that’s taking quite a bit of courage to put out there … Yet, I feel the need to ask my fellow humans, or at least the three or four of you who read this, for assistance.

What does healthy love, in a relationship with a partner, look like for you?

Do you have an example from your life you’d be willing to share? Whether it’s a few words, a story, a poem, whatever you’ve got that defines a healthy, unconditional love. Let me add that I believe that Love is Love. Period. So, if you have something to share from your partnership that helps to define healthy, unconditional love; please share.

When I say unconditional, that in no way means, staying in a situation with another who is abusive. That is absolutely not unconditional love, going either way. That is an unhealthy and dysfunctional relationship.

The reason I ask …

I recently had a situation arise with someone I love dearly. I suddenly and clearly realized that, of all the behaviors and values I have modeled throughout the past 18 years, there has been one key area missing. I’ve been divorced since 2007, and have not had a relationship with another since then. I am quite clear on what an unhealthy relationship is and can share from experience regarding that.

Prior to my divorce, I had 20 years of experience with unhealthy relationships, so, I’ve got that area covered. Although I received care and affection in my childhood, I grew up in a terribly dysfunctional family, which carried over into partners. That’s why I decided no more for me until I learned to love myself and to love my children unconditionally. 

The one I am asking this for, is on the verge of exploring relationships, that aren’t familial or friends … And, I find myself struggling to help that one understand what true love is … (as opposed to what one sees in movies and reads in many books). In this age of role playing games, with avatars and made up worlds, I am experiencing first hand how one can be lead down a path that is anything but true love, when they’ve nothing to compare it with.

I can also share what I’ve read about true, unconditional love, and what I’ve witnessed amongst other couples. Yet, I do not have first hand experience of what it means to have a partner who unconditionally loves you, and whom you unconditionally love. Therefore, I turn to all of you, those amongst you who have and do experience this … What does that look and feel like?


(“Love is Magical” Renga Poem written by me and my two kids)

The time is now, the time is ripe for me to help this one whom I love to know about this. Both of us are avid readers, so I have given this one three books that I have read that do a very good job of giving real life examples, defining a true and unconditional love. Those books are, “all about love” by bell hooks (which, synchronistically, I happened to be reading when this realization smashed into my consciousness), “The Path to Love” by Deepak Chopra, and “Return to Love” by Marianne Williamson.

“To truly love we must learn to mix various ingredients – care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open communication.” … from “all about love” by bell hooks

I am in tune with this way of defining it, and have experienced dimensions of this, care and affection, being two of those.

All those years ago, I suppose I had hoped that I would have experienced a true and unconditional love with a partner. Yet, that was not to be the path I traveled. I reckon I was not ready to love and to be loved. I had been laser focused on healing and learning how to unconditionally love myself and my children. The beginning of 2020 marked a tipping point for the healing journey. Now begins the journey of heart opening. Hallelujah!

I invite you to share this with those you know who would be willing to share their thoughts. In this case, I do not feel there could be too much information. If you would like to reply privately, you can email to Camilla Downs @ gmail.com. Thank you for taking the time to share. A couple of photos of me and my loves, Thomas and Lillian.

PS: I do not welcome responses that are homophobic, patriarchic, or that support sexist-defined gender roles. 

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

“Words of Alchemy” has arrived, December 2019! A free-verse poetry memoir covering the last 6 years of my life. The poetry of nature, the poetry of healing, the poetry of appreciation, the poetry of love, in one beautiful book.

Amazing news! My 18 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 14 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

The Depths of My Love

**THROWBACK POST**


(photo from our November 2017 Date Day at Washoe Lake)

August 7 2018:

This child knows not the depths of my love. And, that is okay. For I do not have and hold that love for it to be known or reciprocated.

Although there are times when our eyes meet and I Know that Thomas Knows and we Know that the other Knows.

At times, I may fall short of it being clear by way of my words and actions. Yet, it is there, within, where my soul holds it for an eternity, in all times and all dimensions.

It’s been a journey this past 20 years or so of remembering the True meaning of the word Love. I am blessed I get to do it with Thomas and Lillian by my side.

At times, I don’t feel strong enough or capable enough to continue. Yet, in the next moment I know that is simply a trick of the mind. It is only the stories I attach to what I’m experiencing that cause me to feel this way.

This afternoon was for Thomas. May the Love and support I hold for Thomas, and my desire to always make choices that are in Thomas’ highest and best interest, travel far and wide for any and all who feel in need of Love and support.

I’m feeling mushy and woo woo and the Love floweth over … xoxo

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 13 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

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Poetry and Photography: Whisperings of the Heart

Pink Flowers Whisperings of the Heart October 2017

The heart whispers secrets
Try not to hear it you do.

Continuing to be in this life’s game
Following the rules, filling out the papers,
conforming to the this-is-the-way-it’s-done norms.
Too busy for interruption
to hear the gentle whisperings of the heart.

Yet, the whisperings never quiet fully.
They are there.
The whisperings are ever delivered
with love and gentleness.

The whisperings of the heart judge not.
The whisperings of the heart
are patient and steady.

Ever so gently the whisperings continue
to impart the truth of one’s soul.

At times the whisperings grow louder
At times they are heard with deeper clarity.

In youth the whisperings were strong
and vibrant with a deep knowing.

As the years passed the whisperings
were quieted by the outside world.

As the seconds pass
as the minutes pass
as the hours pass
as the days pass
as the months pass
as the years pass
as the decades pass

Ever faithful and resilient
the whisperings settle into the
unconditional love of ones heart.

Awaiting the precious time
to once again whisper the
knowings of ones soul.

That time does indeed arrive.
Uninvited, invited,
unexpected, expected.
With struggle, with joy
With peace, with pain.
Yet, it does arrive.

The veil of illusion
begins to lift.
The whisperings of the heart
awaken to the light allowed
to penetrate.

Begin to listen, one does.
Listen with clarity.
Listen with knowing.
Listen with deep understanding.
Begin to take action, one does.

Yet, many times still ignoring
the whisperings of the heart.
The pull of the way life is
supposed to BE lived is strong.

It arrives.
It brings enlightenment.
The day of realizing the
whisperings of heart
bears the key
to one’s freedom to live
and serve as one has always known
one was meant to BE.

Free to sing the song
of one’s soul.
Free to step out of the
board game of conformity
Free to shine the Pure Light
the whisperings of the heart
have always shone from within.

Free to share Divine
Unconditional love
to all beings.
Free to listen and live
the whisperings of the heart.
-©2017 Camilla Downs

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is arriving November 2017. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 11 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

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Love and Hearts: Tree and Snow and Sun

Snow on Tree with Sun in Background 2017

And the tree says, “I’ve got you.”
As the sun shines brightly for
all to see the glory of natures love.

Love,
The Tree, The Snow, and The Sun
xoxoxo

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Wonderfully exciting news! My 10 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer has arrived. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

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One Way I Surrendered To My True Colors

Fear ~~ Control ~~ Manipulation ~~ Conditional Love ~~ Smallness ~~ Victim

These six have been my friends throughout this life. I unconsciously believed they were my protectors, my power, and what allowed me to live this life as I thought I wanted to experience it.

In December 2016, I had an intuitive knowing that the year 2017 would bring with it a Shift. That has been happening since January 2017 and I can hardly keep up with all that is shifting for me. It’s happening incredibly fast and many times it is absolutely not fun. It is exhausting as I am BEing in the depths of my own darkness.

I am becoming more conscious to all of the ways in which I had been living unconsciously. I am remembering, connecting, and releasing memories and events from my past; pivotal things that happened at a sweet and tender young age. I am awakening and discovering the costume I have worn most of my life (excluding as a young child).

I am discovering a freedom, an untethering, a surrendering …. a Liberation.

This is a brick received at the last Alchemist Theatre event. A brick which we were to imprint a word or words onto that came to us during an alchemy meditation. Our instructions were to write the word(s) on the brick and to destroy the brick in an earth friendly manner.

Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #5 Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #4 Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #3 Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #2 Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #1

The word that came forth for me was “surrender”. That didn’t make sense to me until the next day when I realized I was to surrender these six, old, and dear friends listed above.

Prayer to the brick energy and holder of the dear and no longer needed protectors:

I Love You All.

You have been there for me
when I needed you most, or so I thought.

You saved me from failure.
You saved me from embarrassment.
You were the vehicle that
helped me live and experience
this life as I thought in my best interest.

I Love You All.

Yet, now I realize
this was unconscious living.
And I now see that
you were not true friends.

I mistakenly called you all in long ago
to keep me from hurting.
I am conscious now. I have awakened.

I send you off with deep love
for why we both thought you were here.
It’s time and I am ready for my
true colors to shine through.

I surrender you all
to be transmuted into
Unconditional Love, Courage, Greatness,
Allowing, and Saying Yes to Life.

Be free my friends. I release you.
Welcome True Colors.
And so it is.

Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #13Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #12Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #11Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #14Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #15Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #16Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #19Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #18Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #17Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #22 Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #21 Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #20 Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #23

I had no idea how emotional I would become while crushing the brick. That’s the only reason I included all of the pictures Lillian took. I connected with anger, felt it, and released it. And, I felt incredibly lighter and more joyful afterwards. Hallelujah ….. xoxo

After I wrote this post I came across this poem I wrote in December 2016. WOW!

Swirl Shell Washoe Lake 2017 #1

Come, Be with me.

You are drawn
to me for a reason.

There is a time
and a season
for all that you
will remember.

You will experience
a pivotal life shift,
That opens the portal
to divine knowing.

The place you
finally allow
your self to rest.

To prepare for
the sharing of
divine love
in a way
only you can share.

The mind is quieted,
Let what must fall away.
Removing your self
from the many
directions you
have strayed.

All to come forth
as you came here
to come forth,
Sharing divine love.

Come. Be with me. ~2016 Camilla Downs, Lessons from Nature

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Wonderfully exciting news! My 10 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer has arrived. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

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The Global Wound and Mother Earth

Flowering Bush Vintage Lake April 2017

Every Lesson Learned is Another Flower Planted**

Thank you Great Spirit for this beautiful Mother Earth.

Thank you for enlightening and awakening lessons disguised as discomfort and failure.

Thank you for the timing and opportunity to learn the depths of true love …. unconditional love.

Unconditional love for self so that I may unconditionally love my children.

That these children who are our greatest teachers and awakeners of our true selves know unconditional love and their worth.

That I may love all my brothers and sisters of this Earth as you love them.

And so it is. 2017, Lessons from Nature

What if? What if all of the suffering of this world, all the fighting, all of the destruction to our Mother Earth; comes down to one global wound? A wound that was inflicted so long ago no one even remembers where or how it happened. What is this wound? Conditional Love.

What if we let this wound heal? What if we nursed this wound? What if we sat with the wound, drained the poison from it, and nurtured it? What if we were to take the time and initial discomfort and learn to unconditionally love our self?

I raise my hand now and say, “I’m in.” I consider our kids to be mirrors to reflect back to us our own thorns and darkness. I’m blessed to have two such mirrors in my life. And sometimes blessings are not comfortable or fun.

Over the past six months these beautiful and amazing mirrors have shown me in a hugely uncomfortable way that I have never loved myself unconditionally and so therefore, I have never loved another unconditionally. And, yes, that includes my own two kids.

This has been a perfectly timed mirror message as I needed to get to a place where I would not let myself be overcome with guilt and sorrow with this knowing. Had I been shown this earlier, I would have sank down deeper into the black hole of despair, judging and becoming the victim.

What if all the times of disrespect, disregard, arguing, back talk, “laziness”, unkindness, excessive use of digital devices are not about what we mistakenly assume? What if it’s about our relationship with our our self and our kids?

What if it’s about how we only conditionally love our self? What if it’s about how we only conditionally loved them when they were wee little ones and on into their young life? What if all they are truly saying is “Love me. All of me. Love me as I am; not as you wish me to be. Don’t shame me. Don’t manipulate me.” What if excessive use of anything is only an attempt to escape from the pain of not feeling loved for who one truly is?

What if we took this same scenario out onto the streets and into the world? What if that person having a meltdown in the grocery store is truly saying, “I am so unloved. I don’t love myself. I’m horrible. No one has ever loved me.” What if all people committing crimes are simply saying the same thing? What if people in power are saying the same thing with decisions or comments they make? What if “natural disasters” and any negative seeming environmental issues are Mother Earth saying, “I need your unconditional love. Love me when you perceive beauty and love me when you don’t perceive beauty.”

None of this to excuse unkind behavior or to give anyone a free pass to wreaking havoc. Yet, when we can not let ourselves be affected by unkindness directed towards us, we will know that we have learned how to unconditionally love our self … And, can now unconditionally love the one directing unkindness our way. No matter what they say or do; our love never waivers. We can look them in the eye and say, “I love you brother.” And, what if, when the other is unconditionally loved, the unkind behavior and the “escapism” simply melt away? What if?

My take: It’s not about the unkind behavior or the object used to escape. It’s about our relationships. It’s about unconditional love. It’s about unconditional love not received as a child. It’s about being raised with and taught conditional love.

It’s absolutely and definitely not about blaming our own parents as they could not love in a way they had not been loved or taught. It’s about how most of us learned to love one self only conditionally. It’s about sharing that conditional love with others and only conditionally loving Mother Earth. It’s about passing that conditional love to our kids and so the cycle repeats.

I don’t claim to know whether this is “correct” or to know the solution. I’m also not implying with these words that we simply let kids rule their own life, making their own decisions without our guidance. There is a drastic distinction between conscious and unconscious parenting.

I do feel that the more people who are unconditionally loved, the more peaceful and joyful world we will create. So I’m starting where I can. With me.

I vow to unconditionally love my self. I vow to clear my own cobwebs so that I can be a mirror for my kids without my past interfering. I vow to unconditionally love my kids. I will release all expectations and agendas I have for each of them. I will engage with them. I will not manipulate. I will not cause them to feel guilt or shame when they are sharing of their true self. I vow to try. I may fail at times. Yet, I vow to notice when I have failed and to let them know when I have failed. I vow.

*This musing was inspired by many factors.

  • In March I experienced five sessions with an amazing intuitive reflexology healer.
  • About two weeks ago I was led to a book titled, “The Awakened Family – A Revolution in Parenting”.
  • About a week ago, I was introduced to the Real Love concept.
  • And on the evening of April 19th I attended The Alchemist Theatre presents Earth.
  • All of these combined with personal family matters led to this musing.

**I wrote the prayer above Wednesday morning, while in my car waiting for Lillian at physical therapy. I was only going to post the above beautiful picture onto my instagram account and the prayer flowed forth. The title for the prayer was “delivered” to me via Reverend Levity during the Alchemist Theatre Earth show. I say “delivered” as she did not personally give it to me. It came forth for her during the meditation portion of her sermon. My heart nearly leapt from this body when she made this comment. Thank you Jessica!

***Fortunately there are ones who know unconditional love. Blessings and gratitude to those who were raised with unconditional love and who share(d) that unconditional love with their own kids and others.

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Wonderfully exciting news! My 10 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer has arrived. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

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Mindful Living: Friendship Is Magic

Friendship is Magic

I do not judge for decisions you make
I have lived through similar experiences as you
I made different choices than you
I do not understand choices made by you, that is not for me to understand
I do not judge as I do not walk in your shoes
I am your friend

I see you openly peeling back layers of your outer self to reveal your inner self
I see you take steps forward, shining your beautiful light and love for all
I see you take steps backward, withdrawing into the comfortable habits and ways of thinking
I see you trying to understand the silence of friendships that are no longer, that is not for you to understand
I am your friend

Yes, I am your friend
I love you
I support and encourage you
You are YOU and on your OWN journey
You choose to do it different
You choose not to do it the way others would do it
You are YOU and I am your friend

I am your friend
I see YOU, not the concept of you
I love you unconditionally.
©2014 CamillaDowns.com

Do you have a friend you would like to share this with? Please share with all my love and all your love. I would love to hear about friendship poems or quotes that move you! Go here to share your comments.

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Heartfuly Inspired™,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

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