How Writing Helps Me With Parenting

Writing has been a sanity saving bridge which has led from processing parenting experiences to peace and solutions. Single parenting two children led me on a journey for which I have no map. Through writing, I create the map as I travel this wild and wonderful parenting safari.

My parenting journey has included many life lessons disguised as sinkholes, road blocks, and dead ends. My daughter, Lillian, was diagnosed at age 3 years old with a rare condition called 18p-. This chromosome deletion only affects 1 in 56,000 people. Her sibling, Thomas, is a strong willed empath who either speaks his mind or holds how he feels inside until he explodes. In 2006 I became a single parent to them, lost nearly everything, and was forced to file bankruptcy.

I have been single parenting Thomas and Lillian for the past twelve years. Lillian is 17 years old now and the main way that 18p- affects her is an inability to articulate words, anxiety, chronic pain, irrational fears, and difficulty processing strong emotions. Thomas is 13 years old with his own difficulties of being a sibling to Lillian and puberty has hit him full throttle.

Writing led me to peace and acceptance of my role as parent to these two unique and beautiful children. Writing brought peace and solid steps to take in regards to medical issues, schooling, and emotional challenges faced by Thomas and Lillian. In some situations, writing was not the only factor; yet, it has been a shining thread of grace that connected my heart and mind along this parenting journey. And still is.

Several factors led to a loosely held practice of writing every day. When I became a single parent I intuitively felt moved to learn the practice of mindfulness, meditation, and journaling.

My practice of going for a walk three times a week also solidified into a committed practice of noticing and immersing in nature. All of these practices combined with the writing practice opened my eyes to a different style of parenting, a more focused and connected style.

My laptop became the couch I rest upon; while writing of my experiences became the therapist. This also serves as a tool for me to sync with life and for giving myself feedback for those experiences. Writing became an avenue to connect with and release the myriad of emotions and experiences of parenting.

The writing becomes an observer of my experiences. One that allows me to step away from the situation by pouring my heart onto the digital pages. I feel we all know in our heart the solution to tough parenting situations; or at the least, what would be the better of available options.

Although I choose to publicly share much of my experiences through writing, one does not have to write with the intention of sharing with others. The very act of writing about experiences and feelings is deeply therapeutic. There are many writing practices from which to choose. Writing with pencil and paper, using a laptop, writing in the morning, in the evening, in silence, while listening to music, at home, in a cafe, in nature … You get the idea.

The how, when and where is a completely personal preference. The portion of the practice I have found to work best for me and those I have mentored is to first get centered in one’s heart. If you find yourself stumbling and no words flowing; this is a sign you are still centered in your mind.

Take three long, deep breaths and gently release whatever thoughts you may be having. Begin to write about the parenting issue facing you. Write about your feelings and thoughts on the issue. Once you feel finished with this portion, stop for a moment. Take three long, deep breaths once again dropping your focus into the heart.

Next, write these six words … “What do I need to know?” Don’t hesitate. Just write. Write until the words are no longer flowing. Write no matter how wacky or scary this may seem. Write no matter what crazy thoughts come to mind. Write those too.

For some of you this may not be concrete enough and seem like “fluff”; and for you, it simply may not work. Yet, I’m betting that more than half of those who try this will at least feel at peace with the situation and at most know what actions to take that are in everyone’s highest and best interest.

I have experienced parenting guidance in this way and have seen others receive peace and guidance as well. If you aren’t accustomed to writing, it may take a while to grease the writing wheels. Don’t give up. Try it for at least a month. No one has to see what you write. Delete it, tear it up, shred it, crumple and stomp on it, burn it, eat it, whatever.

Write. Write and watch the transformation of becoming a more connected and focused parent. Not only that. Write and watch the transformation as you begin to trust yourself and become more at peace with life.

©2019 Camilla Downs

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here.

Wonderfully exciting news! My 13 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Go here to see latest soul writings. xoxo

The Alchemy of Writing

“I learn by going where I have to go.” -Theodore Roethke

Walk Vintage Lake Path 5.30.18 #3

Why

I Know that I am supposed to share that which I experience, that which I live. I know that I am supposed to share it by way of writing, so I do. I release it to fly free …

In searching my blog for other articles I’ve written about writing, I came across this one from May 2016 …

I feel it is my purpose to openly share my own life experiences with others. I freely explain and share lessons I’ve learned and practices I use that work for me and my family. If needed, I listen with love and compassion and intuitively share thoughts and examples from my own life.

“The meaningful question is never what we did yesterday, but what we have learned from it and are doing today ….. No one can help with anything like someone who has been through the pain themselves.” – A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson

There is something inside of me that won’t let me not write. Something that gently nudges and says, “You’ve just got to share that.”

When I write I can hardly contain the emotions I feel inside. The emotions are as hot as lava and as sweet as honeysuckle – from the pit of my belly all the way up to my throat.

To read the entire post from 2016, go here “Why I Write“.

How

Everything I write has been experienced and lived by me. When I sit to write, at times I listen to music, and at others I write in silence. I lay my fingers to rest on the keyboard of my well worn laptop. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and type a few words.

Camilla's laptop 7.14.18

Once the first few words appear on the screen, something within takes over. My heart begins to race with the excitement of opening a meticulously wrapped gift. I become lost in another dimension. My fingers and hands become warm, the veins in my hands rising like miniature mountains. Interestingly, forming a large H on my left hand and a large Y on my right hand. (Which happened as I was writing this passage ….. !!)

Left hand Typing 7.14.18 Right hand Typing 7.14.18

The words begin to flow as fast and smooth as water running from a faucet. I type as fast as my fingers and hands will allow. For which I am thankful for having had typing class in high school.

At times, I notice I have forgotten to take a breath for fear of missing the words that are streaming forth. Yet, I know the words I miss will return at some point or they will land with another to share in their own way. In the past I fretted over the words that go away. Now I know that it matters not. All comes forth in perfect timing.

The Alchemy

Writing is my witness, my alchemy, my soul song. Writing is my therapist, my medicine, my best friend, my parent, my sibling, and my lover.

It is the way I connect with life so that I can release it and to also receive advice, solutions, and be consoled. Writing alchemizes what I experience; guiding me to the lesson I am to learn, memories I am to remember and release, and to the Knowing of why I am experiencing whatever it is.

This is not to say that writing replaces any of these roles, it simply enhances them.

The Vow

I vow to write.

I vow to listen for what to write. I vow to write even if no one reads what is written. I vow to write even if it turns some away. I vow to write for the writing is the food that feeds my soul. I vow to write until the day I am no longer inhabiting this beautiful Earth.

I vow to write. And, I vow to let myself not write when the time calls for it; not feeling guilty or a failure for doing so.

Camilla at Damonte Ranch Trail Fall 2015

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

And my book published in 2012, D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance; which reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon.

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