The Beauty of All Individual Personalities and Souls

**THROWBACK POST**

February 19 2014:

(Thomas on a walk in 2014)

When I picked up Thomas from school recently, he told me he has been asking all of his classmates whether or not they like LEGOS. Only one or two say they do and the others tell him they don’t and they like playing the Wii. He said it makes him feel bad that no one else likes them.

I explained to him that I’ve had a similar experience with feeling bad when others don’t like or feel the same way about something I like. BUT, I have learned that I am choosing to feel this way … And I can choose not to feel this way also.

He said, “That’s so hard, though”. I told him I completely understand and it takes lots and lots of practice to choose not to let it bother you. I said this may help …

People are all different. We like different things. Some like the same things. Some don’t like the same things. Instead of labeling it as good when someone likes the same “stuff” as you, just look at it as “It just is” and when someone doesn’t like what you do, look at that as “It just is”.

(Thomas put this together for my birthday in 2014)

What would the world be like if we all liked the SAME thing? Nothing would ever get done! If EVERYONE liked LEGOS and only building with LEGOS we’d having nothing but little plastic LEGO food, LEGO furniture and LEGO houses, LEGO cars. We’d be these big giant people trying to live in a little LEGO world! We all three got a laugh out of that one!

Thomas doesn’t even know what a Wii is … After he told me the above, he asked, “What’s a Wii?” … I don’t think these kids were being unkind. They were being truthful. I also want Thomas to know it’s okay to be truthful with others and not say things just to “fit” in or because it’s what others want to hear. I did not tell him one way or the other that either of these preferences was better than the other. That can be a conversation for another day.

He already knows how I feel about TV and video games. We don’t own either of them … Thomas is so into his LEGOs! He watches YouTube videos of LEGO tutorials and really wants to build his own creations. That’s BIG!!

The new LEGO sets come with detailed, numbered instructions and bags … one hardly has to think to put them together. YET, after you’ve put the designated item together, then you get to take it apart and think about making your own creation with ALL THOSE BRICKS!! We have a big bucket of over 600 random LEGO pieces on it’s way to us right now and he can hardly stand it!! (Something he got with Christmas money!)

(One of the photographs in Thomas’ book, Biggest Little Photographer, published 2016)

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My 2018 thoughts …..

Four years later I still pretty much feel in tune with this conversation. I would add that when we feel sad or angry in these situations, it is a sign, an internal raised hand, for us to walk into that uncomfortable feeling so that it can be released.

The more we take the opportunity to do this, the more we release, the more our heart opens, and eventually our internal response to these situations will be completely different.

These situations will still continue to happen. Yet, our response will be from a place of love with the ability to see the uniqueness and beauty of all individual personalities and souls.

Regarding the bit from 2014 where I mention I want Thomas to know he can be truthful with others …. Well, I think that was successful; for the most part. At times, his truthfulness presents me with the opportunity to walk into and release uncomfortable feelings. Although it may not feel like it at the time, that is a true blessing.

(Thomas on one of our 2014 walks)

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest Articles:

 

May You See the Beauty of the Internal Scars

August 25 2018:

“The thing we surrender to becomes our power.” -Ernest Holmes

This is a LONG post … May the force be with you … And may you enjoy and be inspired by it should you choose to read on …

This poem and subsequent writing was sparked by a phrase within one of Lalita Simon-Creasey’s August 2018, “The Authentic Self Energy Update” via her Soulful Insights page.

A phrase of Lalita’s flew on wings of love and landed in my heart. This was the phrase … “Pull the weeds to plant the seeds.” Thank you Lalita!

May You See the Beauty

Pulling the weeds of internal scars
and planting seeds of Truth, I am.

An instrument of the Divine Universe, I am.
A Universe that knows not of suffering and lack.

Yet, I must come to know for myself
that these are but illusions.

These are the weeds of the internal scars
Carried for this life and past lifetimes.

What to do with these weeds?

Either pull them so as to
plant what is perceived as beautiful

or

Shift the way the weeds are viewed
and see the beauty within the weeds.

Either way will have the desired effect
of seeing through the illusions.

For what matters is the intent behind the action.

In the midst of the illusion,
it feels as if the weeds
will suffocate and extract
the life essence from this body.

It is difficult, this is known.
It does not have to be difficult,
yet, this is the Way few Know.

Yet, one glorious morning;
And sometimes over and over again,
She awakens to discover that he has
indeed been pulling the weeds and
shifting her view.

And the illusion has lifted.

Pulling the weeds of internal scars
and planting seeds of Truth, I am.
©2018, Camilla Downs

*************

Internal Scars

I share this history of myself now as I wish to free my heart and further heal. For I believe when one person moves towards opening of the heart and healing; it heals and opens the heart of others.

I have been raped, choked, bitten on the nose, beat on the hand with a big, clunky cell phone, had things thrown at me, overpowered, and not had my wishes respected in regards to this body.

I have been manipulated, caused to feel I do not matter, emotionally abused, told over and over that I’m stupid and crazy, abandoned, locked in a confined space, made to feel unwelcome and unwanted in my own home, and rejected.

I’ve also dished out my own fair share of manipulation, controlling behavior, and unkind and unloving comments. I have hurt people with my words. I have been untruthful at times.

During my late teens and early twenties I abused this body with psychedelic drugs and booze (about 30 years ago – the late 80’s).

I lived childhood, teenage years, and young adulthood with anger, jealousy, envy, extremely judgmental of others and myself, and deeply disliking myself and my life; never feeling that I was worthy of or deserving of a love filled and kind life.

From my childhood days through to middle age I have lost everything many times over.

I learned at an early age to bury deep the unlovely and unkind experiences of my life. Throughout the past 6-10 years I have been letting them surface, connecting with feelings that I had not let myself feel at the time, telling the child within that she is loved and telling her all of the things she needed to hear as a child, and doing my best to release them to be transmuted … and when possible, to include forgiveness of those involved.

On the surface I harbor no anger towards others for we were all doing the best we could with where we were in our journey thus far. However, there does appear to be bits and pieces of anger and resentment still buried. I am working those to the surface in their due time.

In addition, my body begs me to release this lingering anger and resentment. It continues to speak from the gall bladder/liver area with aches of urging me to connect with and release this sludge.

Although there were some who knew of some of this; no one knew the entirety of it, for I kept it buried deep and hidden for fear of further rejection and abandonment. And somehow I taught myself if I didn’t think about something that happened, I would forget about it and it could not hurt me.

This is the first time I have uttered some of these words “out loud” to anyone.

Yet, there was also this ….

The Seeds of Internal Knowing and Beauty

I have watched the sun rise and the sun set.

I have watched and listened to the meditative ocean waves.

I have walked in the pure soft sand.

I have birthed two precious humans.

I have listened to the soul lifting giggles of these same two precious humans when they were wee infants.

I have grown to know my connection with trees and water.

I have touched, hugged and kissed the trees.

I have let water caress my skin and gently engulf this body.

I have walked barefoot in the smooth and gentle grass.

I have felt the deep warmth of the sun on my face as it sinks into this body.

I have smelled the intoxicating aroma of honeysuckle, lilies, lilac and roses.

I have watched and listened as the wind causes the leaves of the oak tree to dance and create music.

I have listened to the bird song and calls of the robin, the chickadee, the black neck stilt, the duck, the goose, crows, killdeer, and the black-billed magpie.

I have listened to the pop and crackle of a camp fire.

I have smelled the refreshing scent of a pine tree.

I have listened to the croak of a bull frog.

I have watched a mama duck as she patiently guides the young ducklings up and over boulders and tight spaces to the safety of the water.

I have caressed the soft fur of kittens, puppies, guinea pigs, horses, donkeys, llamas, and alpacas.

I have experienced the grace, bliss, and deep silence of new fallen snow.

I have experienced beautiful friendships.

I have felt the gentle and kind touch of others.

I have tasted the invisible wind and plump rain drops.

I have walked bare foot in pure, sparkly, and inviting snow.

These are the Seeds that have and continue to guide me in healing. Alongside other humans who travel the same, yet different, path to Knowing.

I have felt called to share this for more than a year; yet fear of rejection still loomed like a dark storm cloud, threatening to shower me with the perceived consequences of having shared my Truth.

I share now from a place of Love in the Knowing that this will land in front of the person or people who need it. And for those it causes to turn away; that is their own Journey to travel and I have been merely a guidepost should they have been ready.

I had friends along the way who saw the True me. Friends that have stood by me. Some, many, know not of these internal weeds. Yet, they have stuck around as I have slowly revealed the weeds and pulled them to be released to the soil from which they came or transmuted to the Light that is their Truth.

The time has come to pull the remaining weeds and allow them to be exposed to the Light of others. I know I will continue to find and discover weeds as this isn’t a one time deal.

Pulling the weeds of internal scars
and planting seeds of Truth, I am.

****************

The Story Behind the Sharing

About an hour or two after I read Lalita’s daily update I began to write in my journal about something completely unrelated, or so I thought. I was having a free write about how I feel physically and was going to move on to how I feel emotionally and psychologically. I didn’t get past the physical when the previous poured forth.

I share with Lalita’s support and permission as it was sparked from a phrase that came from within her. I love Lalita’s updates as they seem to be so in tune with the journey I travel. I encourage you to have a look and see if they speak to you.

The exchange Lalita and I had after I asked permission to share what had poured forth was nearly indescribable. Two people whose initial responses were kind; although a little less than authentic. Yet, this quickly made way for authentic exchanges.

We were both nearly in tears from having noticed we weren’t speaking our Truth, coming back with Authenticity, connecting with what called for attention and parting having just helped one another pull weeds and plant seeds!! I actually got the benefit of pulling two weeds!

An old childhood wound was one of the weeds. The wound that causes me to feel that I have done something wrong and that I am bad. I was able to soothe that young Camilla and let her know that she had done nothing wrong. That, in fact, she had acted from the heart. And, I was able to do it with Lalita as my witness! I have NEVER done that before. It felt incredible!

The other was the realization of something I had been doing from a place of fear. I was able to see the action would be the same; yet, have a different feeling and outcome when done from a place of love. Amazing, graceful and miraculous even.

If you’re still here after reading this long a** post …. Oceans of love, healthy healing, and warm hugs to you!! xoxo

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest Articles:

A Piece of Myself Back – A Heart Opening Memory

**THROWBACK TO DECEMBER 14 2013 with Memories of 1989**

(I’m doing housecleaning of my blog and came across this post that got buried before I had the chance to go back to it and add more. Seemed right to share it now.)

My eyes popped open at 1:10 am. My thoughts were flooded with memories of 1989 and my first Christmas in Washington state with my Mom and Frank after moving there from Mississippi.

I vividly remembered my excitement over spending my 1st Christmas with my step-sister, Heather. Like a child in a candy shoppe choosing that perfect piece of candy, I pondered and searched for the perfect gift for her. I finally decided on a beautiful ring with an aquamarine gemstone. I put it on layaway and remember my excitement in talking with the sales clerk about who this gift was for and sharing my enthusiasm.

The day finally came when I was able to pay in full for it. I had a magical excitement as I wrapped it and wrote the perfect message to go along with it. I think my eyes were shining more than hers on Christmas day while I anxiously waited for her to open it. I don’t remember the full details of the message. It was something about how happy I was to have her in my life and that I’d always wanted a sister.

Immediately after recalling this beautiful memory early this morning, I felt as though something was gently placed back into my heart that had been missing. I will try to describe it ….

The wonder of life as a child sees it. The purity of life. The love. I thought to myself these words, “Thank you. Thank you. I had lost that somewhere along the way, hadn’t I?” Tears pooled in my eyes. I was wide awake. I then knew I must get out of my nice warm bed and write about this experience.

Something wonderful had just happened. I just got a piece of myself back. Thank you …

****************************************

My 2018 self looks back on this as a beautiful experience of my heart opening a bit when recalling this gracious memory. Although the gifts I presently give tend to be homemade and usually incorporate a poem or writing dedicated to the recipient, this was not my go to gift in 1989.

Much has shifted for me from that time. I place more value with a homemade gift than a store bought gift. I still buy store bought gifts for Thomas and Lillian. Yet, I also try to always make sure to hand make a wall hanger or card with a special message. I pour all my love and self into these home made gifts and receive incredible joy in creating them.

May you allow yourself to receive beautiful memories when they come calling and know that they have been recalled for a heart opening experience or or other love filled reason. I have also written about un-lovely memories (here and here). They each bear gifts to further our journey in this life.

(The photo of Lake Tahoe above is my idea of an incredible gem these days. I am deeply grateful to live within 30 minutes of her glory and beauty!)

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest Articles:

You are Amazing and I Believe in You

I’m currently “house cleaning” on my blog. I have drafts dating back to 2012 that got lost in the rush and hustle, in the ups and downs of this spiritual journey I have chosen to travel, down into the depths of my own darkness, up to the peaks of the light and love within us all.

Most of the drafts I come across, I’m deleting as, so far, they’ve just been one sentence or phrase and no longer speak to me. This one called to be posted and expanded upon.

***********************************************************************************************************

**THROWBACK POST**

October 8 2012:

After she had just shown me EVERY Mardi Gras costume she has designed, made herself, and worn in New Orleans at Mardi Gras since 1992; I said to her, “YOU are a talented woman! What do you do? Are you a designer?”

She got quite, her eyes welled with tears and I could feel the hurt and pain. She went on to explain that she has an MBA and things just haven’t lined up how she wants … she’s in limbo … she hasn’t made any money in a long time. She’s disappointed in herself …..

I instantly felt a connection with her. Those who know me, know why. I touched her arm and her heart, looked her in the eye and said, “YOU Are an Amazing and Talented Woman, What you Want WILL happen” …

I shared some of my story with her and gave her one of my books. When it was time to go, I gave her a big hug and repeated what I had said earlier.

I could have changed the subject right after I asked the question that brought her to tears. I could have. I chose not too.

I chose to let this woman know that she is loved, that she is perfect and that she is worthy. We have a choice when we come across these moments …. We have a choice … ♥ ♥ ♥

… I have committed to the World to not let an opportunity pass when I can either inspire someone, help them see their worth or just simply tell them they are amazing … Whether that’s with words I share with them, a look I share with them, or a warm, comforting hug …

I don’t do this to be recognized myself, I do this from the pain of not knowing my worth for so many years of my life … Too many of us were never taught at a young age that we are worthy just as we ARE and that we have a special and unique gift to share.

We search and search and we do stuff and do other stuff and look for what we are supposed to do to prove our worth, when all along it’s always been inside of us …. The more we teach our young that they are worthy, the healthier the human race will be … Love to all and a big, warm, loving, comforting hug … ♥ ♥ ♥

***********************************************************************************************************

Here’s how I’d like to expand on this ….

I do feel it is incredibly important that we let others know they are worthy, perfect as they are, that you believe in them, and that they are loved. However, to find ourselves in a consistent position of being able to do this; we must first turn the mirror on our self.

It is imperative that when we are triggered by others or when we are drowning in the depths of sadness, despair, and the like to let our self feel this.

I am speaking about physically feeling it. Where do you feel the sadness? Is it a heaviness in your stomach or chest or a tightness in your jaw or neck. Place your focus on the physical feeling without analyzing the feeling.

And, tell yourself everything that you needed to hear as a child. Make a script of all that you needed to hear.

For example: You are worthy and deserving of a joyful and peaceful childhood. I am sorry you did not have the childhood you craved. I am sorry I did not listen to you. I am sorry you did not feel heard. I believe in you. You are beautiful and wise.

Every single time you are triggered or in darkness, do this. For every time this is faced and felt and you tell your self what you needed to hear; you heal and your heart continues to open. I say this from experience, from practice, and the powerful and positive impact this has had on my life.

I did not create this exercise. I first read about emotional connection in 2014 in a book by Raphael Cushnir; “The One Thing Holding You Back”, and began the practices he suggested. I loosely continued with the practice throughout the years.

Recently, a new book found me at the library, titled, “Whatever Arises, Love That” by Matt Kahn. This book reminded me of the emotional connection practice AND added the practice of telling one self what one needed to hear as a child.

In my own words, “Love the hurt, love the pain, love the unknown, love all of it until it is released, transmuted and the heart opens even further.”

Over the past 17 or so years I have been a heavy and frequent user of the phrase and similar phrases like, “Love is the Answer” and “All You Need is Love.” For me, this practice of loving whatever arises gives a new and different meaning to this. It’s the next level. It’s the game changer. I’m in.

“Love is the impulse to embrace the innocence of life that brings spiritual harmony to the forefront of your experiences. Whenever love is poured into your heart or sent out as blessings to others, the light within all things awakens.” – Matt Kahn

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

And my book published in 2012, D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance; which reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon.

Latest Articles:

 

What Do We Truly Mean When We Say I Love You

I Love You

What do we truly mean when we say we love and accept another?

Do we love and accept the idea of them?

Do we love and accept them for how they make us feel?

or

Do we love and accept them for who they know themselves to be?

What do we truly mean when we say we we love and accept another?

Do we mean no matter what you tell me about yourself, my love will ever be there.
Do we mean no matter what you tell me about yourself, I accept you.
Do we mean no matter what you tell me about yourself, you are worthy.

or

Do we mean as long as who you are does not draw unlovely attention towards ME; my love will ever be there.
Do we mean as long as who you are does not cause others to view ME in an unkind or harsh manner, I accept you.
Do we mean as long as being who you are does not cause ME extra effort and work, I view you as worthy.

This is not a writing to preach which of these is correct and perhaps this makes no sense to you. Many times I write to be set free from the hurtful ramblings of the mind; to process and walk through the lovely and unlovely thoughts that weave through my mind.

I am moved to share to encourage others to write, to experience connection with others, and with the knowing that the person who would benefit from reading what I’ve written, will see it. I know my writings are not everyone’s cup of tea. Thank goodness as that would be too huge a cup to fill! HA!

I’ve been in a twenty year process to shed who I had become and have walked into embracing the first of these scenarios. Life presented me with opportunity after opportunity to stand back from situations and ponder which of these I choose to make my core.

Recently I received news that gave me an opportunity to go even deeper with this learning. I found there was a part of me still clinging to the second of these scenarios. I did not know this to be the case. How could I have known until presented with the situation? How can anyone view another’s choices and way of life, judging that they are doing it wrong and making wrong choices, if they have not been presented by life with opportunities to question their own beliefs?

This is what I have learned in the past few weeks as my heart has opened further than I even knew possible. As I made my way deeper within and communed with the Divine to break wide open what was still closed to loving ALL no matter what. Opening the heart space that is closed for so many of us. The heart space of loving and accepting no matter what that means to my ego, what others will choose to think or say, nor how many will choose to turn their backs.

And this I Know. It has meant the entire world to the one who was and is in need of my trust, support, and love.

And this I know. This has added another layer of patience and empathy. Another layer of stepping back, releasing judgment of others, and BEing the Divine Love that we all are …. Peace and love …. xoxo –©️2018, Camilla Downs

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

And my book published in 2012, D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance; which reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon.

Latest Articles:

 

 

Neither Side Holds the Answer

The Catalyst

This side. That side. Neither side holds the answer. That lies within.

….. from a recent walk …..

Bridge Walk with Thomas Vintage Lake 5.15.18

Thomas and I spent quite some time in this spot discussing things that were on his mind. Approaching from the other side was a group of wildly loud and profanity spewing kids ranging from a toddler to teenager.

They stopped to throw huge rocks at the geese and goslings. I could not sit idly by and observe this. I felt anger brewing, yet knew this not to be the answer as that must be all these kids know to be behaving in such a manner.

The Response

They dispersed from scaring the geese and goslings as I approached. Fortunately, none were injured. I do not remember the exact words that came forth. Yet, I channeled my inner Buddha and asked them to search for the love and kindness in their heart. And I pointed out that the geese are living beings and should not be treated in this way.

Some scattered. Some stood tall and laughed. Yet, if my calmness and non-threatening communication touched just one of them. Then, that’s one. They need a different way modeled. xoxo

As I attempted to fall asleep last night I mulled over and over how I could have handled this differently, perhaps more effectively, and even woke up thinking about it. I finally “woke up” and let it go knowing that I did the best I could do. xoxo

The Reflection

** I shared this on facebook and the following are further remarks from me sparked by other’s comments:

The older boys were expecting me to be harsh. They were so shocked with what I said that the oldest one’s mouth actually dropped open in disbelief!

I was filled with an odd mixture of anger and compassion for these young men. My thoughts were that they must be on the receiving end of MUCH unkindness from the adults around them and have not been shown the kindness and love that is in our hearts … and never shown that it is in their hearts too ….

What I had within me was an odd mixture of anger and compassion for the one’s mistreating the geese. It is my hope that the words and energy I shared were like a ripple created from a pebble thrown into the water. Maybe. Just maybe the ripple stuck with one of them ….

I had the opportunity to do this once again a few days later with the one who continues to think harshly of me and speak harshly of me to Lillian and Thomas. Anger, sadness, and confusion were the first response, yet I was able to transmute that after morning meditation and journal writing into compassion and knowing.

The Knowing

To Know with the Heart is to Know that their actions and words do not come from the True Self. They are from fear. It has been TWELVE years and still continues. I harbor no anger. Sadness and confusion at times, until I remember what I Know in my Heart.

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

And my book published in 2012, D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance; which reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon.

Latest Articles:

Nature’s Messages: Reflect and Let it Go and Time Travel and Knowing

May 2018:

…. from a walk this morning …… Reflections. Cloudy and clear at the same time? Ahhhh. Such is it.

Solo Walk Vintage Lake Reflections 5.14.18

Solo Walk Vintage Lake Reflections 5.17.18

Don’t hold onto it. Let it roll right off your back.

Nature always has a perfect message for us when we stop, be quiet, and listen. I mean, look at those cute little water droplets. How could I not stop, take it in, and capture the moment? ….

Walk Vintage Water Droplets 5.14.18

This found me on a walk yesterday morning. Lots of goose quills around, yet have never seen two like this before.

I just had the chance to research online a bit and found that the quill of a goose has long been a preferred writing instrument. Apparently it awakens the imagination and intuition flows. The writer travels through time capturing stories of past, future and present.

I’ll take it! Time to write more. I’ll imagine my fingers are goose quills and that I’m writing like the wind as I type. My fingers and hand begin to hurt after about 5 minutes of handwriting so I just can’t do it.

Solo Walk Vintage Lake Goose Feathers 5.15.18

….. from a walk this morning …. Nature. Magnified. Take pause. Zoom out and See the Whole. Simply beautiful. xoxo

Goose Feather with Water Droplets Poem 5.23.18Water Droplets Goose Feather Vintage Lake 5.21.18 #2

There’s really not much I truly know. Yet. This. I do know. Nature awakens the Knowing of my Heart. xoxo

Not much I truly know Sunset Photo Vintage Lake 5.20.18

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

And my book published in 2012, D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance; which reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon.

Latest Articles:

How to Share Loving Kindness

Dragon and Angel Wings and Bird Wings Vintage Lake May 2017

One, beautiful, kind, loving gesture. If you have the opportunity to share loving kindness with someone, I beg of you to do it.

You never know what they carry on their shoulders and your act could be the one thing that offers them much needed relief; before they explode or implode. And also restores their faith and knowing in themselves and others.

Someone saying, “yes” to you when it’s been a month of “No” and negative events. That just happened this afternoon. It landed on this heart with such gratitude and relief.

And, from all places, an employee at the Reno Social Security office. I had requested a waiver of an amount owed to Social Security due to an error (having to do with Lillian’s SSI). I felt the two items required to be met for the approval of the waiver, were met.

I had received a letter denying it, and a conference was automatically set for today so that an uninvolved third party could review with me. He agreed with me, and with a few strokes of the keyboard, waived the amount.

That landed on a heart that is parched and thirsted for relief. I hope I didn’t embarrass him. I blessed him and left in tears. Relief, Dear God, Relief from one issue. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!! Thank you to Happy, my Guardian Angel. And, thank you to Ram Dass as I sat reading one of his books while waiting. And, And, Thank You to my Mammaw, Elnor Downs, whose presence I felt with me while waiting.

**This is simply an example of loving kindness shared with me. There are as many ways to share loving kindness as there are differently shaped snowflakes. Below is one technique that may be useful:

  • Upon awaking every morning, open your heart to being aware of opportunities to share loving kindness.
  • Make it your intention to share compassion and loving kindness with another person, animal, and/or nature.
  • Stay in the present moment as often as possible
  • And, BAM! … You will be presented with the opportunity to share the Divine Love that you are and that flows through you ….

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Wonderfully exciting news! My 10 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer has arrived. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

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The One Thing We Should Be Teaching

Team TLC Sunset Walk Damonte Ranch Trail 6.18.17 #10

This has been Thomas’ first year of homeschooling and Lillian’s third or fourth year. The style of schooling we follow is more like unschooling, interest based, or child-led learning. It’s definitely not traditional homeschooling.

Over the past several months I’ve had a couple of friends ask how homeschooling is going. Without any thought, I answered through my heart with this, “We are learning how to be kind humans and how to have healthy relationships.”

We are absolutely not memorizing dates and events, taking tests, practicing math facts, or anything like that. We are learning the ONE thing that I never learned and that no child is taught in a traditional schooling situation and something many kids are not taught at home.

Excerpt from “Real Love in Parenting” by Greg Baer, M.D. …

“It’s strange, don’t you think, that we go to such great lengths to instruct our children in subjects that most of them will never use ….. and yet we teach them nothing about the one subject – relationships – they will use every day?

Our children are not taught what human beings need most. They don’t understand how relationships work, and then we wonder why they become frustrated and angry. We wonder why they join gangs, why they can’t keep a job, why the jails are full, why more than half of all marriages fail, why people shake their fists at one another on the road, why children are abused and neglected, why relationships seem to come and go like falling leaves, why newspapers are filled with accounts of violence and war, and so on. There’s no mystery in any of this. All these things are guaranteed to happen when we don’t teach our children the basic principles of love and relationships.”

This is where I have placed my focus. Thomas and Lillian each pursue their own interests and I facilitate. I, by no means, have this figured out. I’m stumbling my way through it, trying to be mindful and conscious.

Camilla & Lillian June 2017 Date Day 6.21.17 #10

The core of what I teach as the facilitator of their learning journey is mindfulness, living spiritually from the heart, oneness, compassion, non-judgment, and unconditional love. I do this with a mixture of the words I use and my actions.

I am aware that the words I speak mean absolutely nothing when my actions do not match. And, that happens often. I am still learning. I share all of this with Thomas and Lillian. When I make a mistake, when I respond in anger, when I respond in an unloving way with my body language and facial expressions, I tell them I am wrong. I share that I’m doing the best I can and I am still learning.

So behind the scenes of the amazing walks and adventures we experience, there is much discomfort and rubbing of one another’s thorns while we figure this all out. I’ve decided it’s better to do this now, rather than waiting for them to get older. For then they will be around others who are not committed to loving them unconditionally while they make mistakes and figure it out.

What seems to also be happening is confronting, accepting, and letting move through me, unlovely aspects of my own childhood. Plus, unlovely aspects and habits I’ve learned and claimed as my own.

Date Day with Thomas April 2017 4.26.17 #1

There’s also a great deal of dancing in the darkness and shadows of my own internal self-induced suffering. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? There’s one thing I know for sure, I wouldn’t have it any other way for this is what I came here to do.

Many times this means putting aside my own personal preference of wanting peace and quiet and everyone getting along, stopping what I’m doing, rolling up my sleeves, taking a deep breath, and being present with each of them as we work through an issue … And, most importantly, not taking anything that is said to or about me personally …. I’m still working on it …. I still don’t have it all figured out; yet, I’m a heck of a lot better than I used to be!  😉

Earth Hour 3.25.17 #2

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Wonderfully exciting news! My 15 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s book, Where Would You Fly and Other Magickal Stories will arrive soon. Be ready to enjoy the magick! Learn more and pre-order here.

 

One Way I Surrendered To My True Colors

Fear ~~ Control ~~ Manipulation ~~ Conditional Love ~~ Smallness ~~ Victim

These six have been my friends throughout this life. I unconsciously believed they were my protectors, my power, and what allowed me to live this life as I thought I wanted to experience it.

In December 2016, I had an intuitive knowing that the year 2017 would bring with it a Shift. That has been happening since January 2017 and I can hardly keep up with all that is shifting for me. It’s happening incredibly fast and many times it is absolutely not fun. It is exhausting as I am BEing in the depths of my own darkness.

I am becoming more conscious to all of the ways in which I had been living unconsciously. I am remembering, connecting, and releasing memories and events from my past; pivotal things that happened at a sweet and tender young age. I am awakening and discovering the costume I have worn most of my life (excluding as a young child).

I am discovering a freedom, an untethering, a surrendering …. a Liberation.

This is a brick received at the last Alchemist Theatre event. A brick which we were to imprint a word or words onto that came to us during an alchemy meditation. Our instructions were to write the word(s) on the brick and to destroy the brick in an earth friendly manner.

Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #5 Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #4 Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #3 Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #2 Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #1

The word that came forth for me was “surrender”. That didn’t make sense to me until the next day when I realized I was to surrender these six, old, and dear friends listed above.

Prayer to the brick energy and holder of the dear and no longer needed protectors:

I Love You All.

You have been there for me
when I needed you most, or so I thought.

You saved me from failure.
You saved me from embarrassment.
You were the vehicle that
helped me live and experience
this life as I thought in my best interest.

I Love You All.

Yet, now I realize
this was unconscious living.
And I now see that
you were not true friends.

I mistakenly called you all in long ago
to keep me from hurting.
I am conscious now. I have awakened.

I send you off with deep love
for why we both thought you were here.
It’s time and I am ready for my
true colors to shine through.

I surrender you all
to be transmuted into
Unconditional Love, Courage, Greatness,
Allowing, and Saying Yes to Life.

Be free my friends. I release you.
Welcome True Colors.
And so it is.

Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #13Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #12Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #11Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #14Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #15Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #16Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #19Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #18Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #17Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #22 Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #21 Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #20 Camilla Smashing Brick 5.29.17 #23

I had no idea how emotional I would become while crushing the brick. That’s the only reason I included all of the pictures Lillian took. I connected with anger, felt it, and released it. And, I felt incredibly lighter and more joyful afterwards. Hallelujah ….. xoxo

After I wrote this post I came across this poem I wrote in December 2016. WOW!

Swirl Shell Washoe Lake 2017 #1

Come, Be with me.

You are drawn
to me for a reason.

There is a time
and a season
for all that you
will remember.

You will experience
a pivotal life shift,
That opens the portal
to divine knowing.

The place you
finally allow
your self to rest.

To prepare for
the sharing of
divine love
in a way
only you can share.

The mind is quieted,
Let what must fall away.
Removing your self
from the many
directions you
have strayed.

All to come forth
as you came here
to come forth,
Sharing divine love.

Come. Be with me. ~2016 Camilla Downs, Lessons from Nature

Blessings,

Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Wonderfully exciting news! My 10 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer has arrived. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

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