A Philosophy of Walking

And she walked.
And she walked.
She walked until
Arriving at
The home of
Peace and Joy.
Discovering once there,
She had been
Here all along.

I went for an hour long walk this morning. My body and mind did not want to go. I went anyway.

Just as a cool glass of water slakes my thirst on a scorching hot day, going for walks quenches the thirst of my soul and heart to know my true self, to heal, to release, to allow joy, and to be at peace. Walking guides me in the loving way to process life, to fulfill life, and to let life be.

For the past 18 years I have been going for walks. The meaning and depth of the walks have shifted throughout the years. What started as an activity simply to satisfy my desire to be active, bloomed into a walking practice. A practice to process healing, to release, to discover my authentic self, and to connect with nature.

Going for a walk at least three times a week has literally kept me going when I felt I could not carry on, and propelled me into bliss in times of joy. Each time I walk I have a different experience. At times, the walk overflows with peace and bliss and at other times, I’m ready to be done the second I begin. Those times are when I can’t seem to get out of my head. Worried about this, that, or the other; or lost in the past or distant future. Turning the worry over and over like one would a compost pile. Hoping a resolution will bloom from the compost pile of worry.

Most days the walking, along with nature as a helper, snaps me awake from tending the worry compost pile. My entire being melds with nature during these walks and reminds me what I already know. That the worrying only buries solutions deeper in the compost pile.

Going for walks and being amongst the trees, sun, clouds, grass, rocks, flowers, bushes, birds, wind, and weather nourish my heart and soul. Just as fruits and vegetables provide this body the nourishment it needs to continue; walking does this, and much more, for my heart and soul.

Going for walks is like being at an outdoor art gallery where nature changes the artwork every day, in fact every minute at times. Walking teaches the art of letting go of that which you find beautiful and meaningful. Walking teaches to quiet the mind, seize the moment, breathe and let soak in every morsel of beauty nature shares.

For the beauty nature displays while on a walk, is ever changing dependent upon the time of day, the season, whether clouds obstruct the sun, and whether it is near sunrise, midday, or sunset. Walking teaches the art of experiencing the continual changes of life as nature experiences the changing seasons.

Going for a walk opens the writer’s spigot and helps to flow the words of my heart and soul. I know it may seem I’m assigning much responsibility for these walks. In truth, my walking practice works in concert with a meditation and mindfulness practice, along with a writing practice. All of these practices to be held grounded by the practice of allowing myself to physically feel the emotions of life. This quintet of practices guides me in walking into the unlovely aspects of life and welcoming uncomfortable emotions.

I’ve been walking with my kids since they were infants. I cherish every single walk taken with them. They are 17 years old and 13 years old now. Once they were old enough for one to stay at home, I began going with each one of them for a walk once or twice per week and a walk as a family once or twice per week. I continued to have walks alone, one to three times per week. Now that they’ve gotten older, the walks with each of them has slowed a bit. Yet, it is my hope that I opened their eyes to the beauty and philosophy of walking.

When my daughter was seven years old and my son three years old; I discontinued paying for cable and eventually donated our television. Walking is one activity that took the place of time spent in front of the television. I was moved to incorporate picture making into the walks as well. I have thousands of photographs of our walks throughout the years.

Whenever my son or daughter had a tough day, I would be sure to have a walk with him or her after dinner. The three of us had many deep and meaningful conversations during these walks. Mixed with periods of silence to simply enjoy the beauty. Not to be left out, mixed with much fun and silliness also. Rolling down hills, playing with our shadows, catching leaves as they blow from the tree, hitting pine cones with sticks, running through sprinklers, playing in the mud, feeding the ducks, helping worms cross the sidewalk, and making nature photographs.

I was not only moved to photograph our family during these walks; I was moved to photograph nature herself. There are only a few occasions I’ve gone for a walk and not taken at least one photograph. These photographs helped to inspire poetry to flow forth from my heart. I had never read or written poetry up until about four years ago. This seemed to be an extension of the walking and other practices.

I fought myself on going for the walk this morning. It was 32 degrees outside and I was already cold. I wanted to get warm and cozy, sit and write this story. My heart knew the moment I stepped foot on the trail, I’d be grateful I listened to the call of the walk. May you be inspired to explore how walking could create a shift in your life; whether that be ever so small or ever so big.

©2019 Camilla Downs
(Photo made by me – 2016 – Geiger Way Lookout)

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” was published January 2018. Learn more and order here.

Wonderfully exciting news! My 13 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Go here to see latest soul writings. xoxo

Listening to the Calm and Wise Voice Within

**THROWBACK POST**

July 7 2014

I feel it’s good for us to remember that we don’t always have to stay positive, happy and smiling. We must allow ourselves to feel the yin and the yang. Without the one, we wouldn’t know the other.

We each have our own unique journey to travel. We cannot compare ourself to others. They are on their own journey, for different reasons. The secret I have learned and am still learning is to listen to the calm inner voice. It’s that voice that has all the answers but gets drowned out by the noise of our thoughts, what ifs, worries, fears, judgments and wanting to control situations and other people.

It’s that voice that after you hear its call, you think, “why do that or where is that coming from?” In my case, the ego will pop up and rip me a new one about how I don’t deserve any of what my intuitive self knows I can, should and will have.

One weekend in 2013, I prayed to hear the answer I knew was within me. The calm inner voice said, “You will ask for help. And this is how you will do it.” Then, my ego stepped in and said, “Are you crazy?” and a bunch of other not nice stuff!

The calm inner voice so patiently said, “You will do this, not just for yourself. But so that others can be free from what’s holding them back, so that others will see that it’s okay to ask for help and so that they can witness the goodness, grace and generosity of others.” There was no arguing with that.

A wave of calm settled over me. After that, I felt empowered and free … No matter what the outside situation. I surrendered to the journey I traveled. It’s my journey to live. I am to live it for a reason. I now know it’s for my own growth, empowerment and freedom and to give back to others by sharing my journey.

This experience brought forth the thought that our kids learn from us by the grace we exhibit. Yet, we must remember that they are on their own journey, just as we are. All we can do is share wisdom with them, praise them, guide them, LOVE them unconditionally, tell them they can have, be, or do anything they desire and show them by example of how we live. What they do with all of this is ultimately their choice.

***************************

Update – February 2019

Still learning to quiet the stories and constant bouncing of thoughts. Yet, I’ve come a heck of a long way since this was written …. Here’s to the unfolding …. xoxo

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is arriving January 2018. Learn more and order here.

Wonderfully exciting news! My 13 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Go here to see latest soul writings. xoxo

 

Liquid Gratitude Spilled from My Eyes

I made fresh pico de gallo on the 5th of January 2019 to go with our tradition of every other Saturday nacho dinner.

Thomas had finished eating, Lillian was in the bathtub. I was alone chewing my nachos. A wave of emotions hit me like I imagine a tsunami wave hits land.

My eyes began to sweat with liquid gratitude for the miracle occurring in my mouth. I was chewing the nachos on BOTH sides of my mouth. I have not been able to do that in about two years. I’ve had to chew crunchy foods on the right side only.

I’m aware this sounds silly to some. Yet, there are others with which this will resonate. This is for anyone who has been stricken with gratitude, bliss, and joy over seemingly small things.

I alternated between laughter and eyes sweating the entire meal. I realized I had been given back something more than being able to chew certain foods using ALL of my teeth.

This had nothing to do with sadness. This was pure joy, gratitude, bliss, peace, reassurance, and LOVE. And that pico de gallo was damn good! ❤️❤️

To read more about the back story of getting one of my teeth fixed, go here and here.

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is arriving January 2018. Learn more and order here.

Wonderfully exciting news! My 13 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Go here to see latest soul writings. xoxo

 

The Depths of My Love

**THROWBACK POST**


(photo from our November 2017 Date Day at Washoe Lake)

August 7 2018:

This child knows not the depths of my love. And, that is okay. For I do not have and hold that love for it to be known or reciprocated.

Although there are times when our eyes meet and I Know that Thomas Knows and we Know that the other Knows.

At times, I may fall short of it being clear by way of my words and actions. Yet, it is there, within, where my soul holds it for an eternity, in all times and all dimensions.

It’s been a journey this past 20 years or so of remembering the True meaning of the word Love. I am blessed I get to do it with Thomas and Lillian by my side.

At times, I don’t feel strong enough or capable enough to continue. Yet, in the next moment I know that is simply a trick of the mind. It is only the stories I attach to what I’m experiencing that cause me to feel this way.

This afternoon was for Thomas. May the Love and support I hold for Thomas, and my desire to always make choices that are in Thomas’ highest and best interest, travel far and wide for any and all who feel in need of Love and support.

I’m feeling mushy and woo woo and the Love floweth over … xoxo

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 13 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

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The Beauty of All Individual Personalities and Souls

**THROWBACK POST**

February 19 2014:

(Thomas on a walk in 2014)

When I picked up Thomas from school recently, he told me he has been asking all of his classmates whether or not they like LEGOS. Only one or two say they do and the others tell him they don’t and they like playing the Wii. He said it makes him feel bad that no one else likes them.

I explained to him that I’ve had a similar experience with feeling bad when others don’t like or feel the same way about something I like. BUT, I have learned that I am choosing to feel this way … And I can choose not to feel this way also.

He said, “That’s so hard, though”. I told him I completely understand and it takes lots and lots of practice to choose not to let it bother you. I said this may help …

People are all different. We like different things. Some like the same things. Some don’t like the same things. Instead of labeling it as good when someone likes the same “stuff” as you, just look at it as “It just is” and when someone doesn’t like what you do, look at that as “It just is”.

(Thomas put this together for my birthday in 2014)

What would the world be like if we all liked the SAME thing? Nothing would ever get done! If EVERYONE liked LEGOS and only building with LEGOS we’d having nothing but little plastic LEGO food, LEGO furniture and LEGO houses, LEGO cars. We’d be these big giant people trying to live in a little LEGO world! We all three got a laugh out of that one!

Thomas doesn’t even know what a Wii is … After he told me the above, he asked, “What’s a Wii?” … I don’t think these kids were being unkind. They were being truthful. I also want Thomas to know it’s okay to be truthful with others and not say things just to “fit” in or because it’s what others want to hear. I did not tell him one way or the other that either of these preferences was better than the other. That can be a conversation for another day.

He already knows how I feel about TV and video games. We don’t own either of them … Thomas is so into his LEGOs! He watches YouTube videos of LEGO tutorials and really wants to build his own creations. That’s BIG!!

The new LEGO sets come with detailed, numbered instructions and bags … one hardly has to think to put them together. YET, after you’ve put the designated item together, then you get to take it apart and think about making your own creation with ALL THOSE BRICKS!! We have a big bucket of over 600 random LEGO pieces on it’s way to us right now and he can hardly stand it!! (Something he got with Christmas money!)

(One of the photographs in Thomas’ book, Biggest Little Photographer, published 2016)

*************************

My 2018 thoughts …..

Four years later I still pretty much feel in tune with this conversation. I would add that when we feel sad or angry in these situations, it is a sign, an internal raised hand, for us to walk into that uncomfortable feeling so that it can be released.

The more we take the opportunity to do this, the more we release, the more our heart opens, and eventually our internal response to these situations will be completely different.

These situations will still continue to happen. Yet, our response will be from a place of love with the ability to see the uniqueness and beauty of all individual personalities and souls.

Regarding the bit from 2014 where I mention I want Thomas to know he can be truthful with others …. Well, I think that was successful; for the most part. At times, his truthfulness presents me with the opportunity to walk into and release uncomfortable feelings. Although it may not feel like it at the time, that is a true blessing.

(Thomas on one of our 2014 walks)

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest Articles:
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May You See the Beauty of the Internal Scars

August 25 2018:

“The thing we surrender to becomes our power.” -Ernest Holmes

This is a LONG post … May the force be with you … And may you enjoy and be inspired by it should you choose to read on …

This poem and subsequent writing was sparked by a phrase within one of Lalita Simon-Creasey’s August 2018, “The Authentic Self Energy Update” via her Soulful Insights page.

A phrase of Lalita’s flew on wings of love and landed in my heart. This was the phrase … “Pull the weeds to plant the seeds.” Thank you Lalita!

May You See the Beauty

Pulling the weeds of internal scars
and planting seeds of Truth, I am.

An instrument of the Divine Universe, I am.
A Universe that knows not of suffering and lack.

Yet, I must come to know for myself
that these are but illusions.

These are the weeds of the internal scars
Carried for this life and past lifetimes.

What to do with these weeds?

Either pull them so as to
plant what is perceived as beautiful

or

Shift the way the weeds are viewed
and see the beauty within the weeds.

Either way will have the desired effect
of seeing through the illusions.

For what matters is the intent behind the action.

In the midst of the illusion,
it feels as if the weeds
will suffocate and extract
the life essence from this body.

It is difficult, this is known.
It does not have to be difficult,
yet, this is the Way few Know.

Yet, one glorious morning;
And sometimes over and over again,
She awakens to discover that he has
indeed been pulling the weeds and
shifting her view.

And the illusion has lifted.

Pulling the weeds of internal scars
and planting seeds of Truth, I am.
©2018, Camilla Downs

*************

Internal Scars

I share this history of myself now as I wish to free my heart and further heal. For I believe when one person moves towards opening of the heart and healing; it heals and opens the heart of others.

I have been raped, choked, bitten on the nose, beat on the hand with a big, clunky cell phone, had things thrown at me, overpowered, and not had my wishes respected in regards to this body.

I have been manipulated, caused to feel I do not matter, emotionally abused, told over and over that I’m stupid and crazy, abandoned, locked in a confined space, made to feel unwelcome and unwanted in my own home, and rejected.

I’ve also dished out my own fair share of manipulation, controlling behavior, and unkind and unloving comments. I have hurt people with my words. I have been untruthful at times.

During my late teens and early twenties I abused this body with psychedelic drugs and booze (about 30 years ago – the late 80’s).

I lived childhood, teenage years, and young adulthood with anger, jealousy, envy, extremely judgmental of others and myself, and deeply disliking myself and my life; never feeling that I was worthy of or deserving of a love filled and kind life.

From my childhood days through to middle age I have lost everything many times over.

I learned at an early age to bury deep the unlovely and unkind experiences of my life. Throughout the past 6-10 years I have been letting them surface, connecting with feelings that I had not let myself feel at the time, telling the child within that she is loved and telling her all of the things she needed to hear as a child, and doing my best to release them to be transmuted … and when possible, to include forgiveness of those involved.

On the surface I harbor no anger towards others for we were all doing the best we could with where we were in our journey thus far. However, there does appear to be bits and pieces of anger and resentment still buried. I am working those to the surface in their due time.

In addition, my body begs me to release this lingering anger and resentment. It continues to speak from the gall bladder/liver area with aches of urging me to connect with and release this sludge.

Although there were some who knew of some of this; no one knew the entirety of it, for I kept it buried deep and hidden for fear of further rejection and abandonment. And somehow I taught myself if I didn’t think about something that happened, I would forget about it and it could not hurt me.

This is the first time I have uttered some of these words “out loud” to anyone.

Yet, there was also this ….

The Seeds of Internal Knowing and Beauty

I have watched the sun rise and the sun set.

I have watched and listened to the meditative ocean waves.

I have walked in the pure soft sand.

I have birthed two precious humans.

I have listened to the soul lifting giggles of these same two precious humans when they were wee infants.

I have grown to know my connection with trees and water.

I have touched, hugged and kissed the trees.

I have let water caress my skin and gently engulf this body.

I have walked barefoot in the smooth and gentle grass.

I have felt the deep warmth of the sun on my face as it sinks into this body.

I have smelled the intoxicating aroma of honeysuckle, lilies, lilac and roses.

I have watched and listened as the wind causes the leaves of the oak tree to dance and create music.

I have listened to the bird song and calls of the robin, the chickadee, the black neck stilt, the duck, the goose, crows, killdeer, and the black-billed magpie.

I have listened to the pop and crackle of a camp fire.

I have smelled the refreshing scent of a pine tree.

I have listened to the croak of a bull frog.

I have watched a mama duck as she patiently guides the young ducklings up and over boulders and tight spaces to the safety of the water.

I have caressed the soft fur of kittens, puppies, guinea pigs, horses, donkeys, llamas, and alpacas.

I have experienced the grace, bliss, and deep silence of new fallen snow.

I have experienced beautiful friendships.

I have felt the gentle and kind touch of others.

I have tasted the invisible wind and plump rain drops.

I have walked bare foot in pure, sparkly, and inviting snow.

These are the Seeds that have and continue to guide me in healing. Alongside other humans who travel the same, yet different, path to Knowing.

I have felt called to share this for more than a year; yet fear of rejection still loomed like a dark storm cloud, threatening to shower me with the perceived consequences of having shared my Truth.

I share now from a place of Love in the Knowing that this will land in front of the person or people who need it. And for those it causes to turn away; that is their own Journey to travel and I have been merely a guidepost should they have been ready.

I had friends along the way who saw the True me. Friends that have stood by me. Some, many, know not of these internal weeds. Yet, they have stuck around as I have slowly revealed the weeds and pulled them to be released to the soil from which they came or transmuted to the Light that is their Truth.

The time has come to pull the remaining weeds and allow them to be exposed to the Light of others. I know I will continue to find and discover weeds as this isn’t a one time deal.

Pulling the weeds of internal scars
and planting seeds of Truth, I am.

****************

The Story Behind the Sharing

About an hour or two after I read Lalita’s daily update I began to write in my journal about something completely unrelated, or so I thought. I was having a free write about how I feel physically and was going to move on to how I feel emotionally and psychologically. I didn’t get past the physical when the previous poured forth.

I share with Lalita’s support and permission as it was sparked from a phrase that came from within her. I love Lalita’s updates as they seem to be so in tune with the journey I travel. I encourage you to have a look and see if they speak to you.

The exchange Lalita and I had after I asked permission to share what had poured forth was nearly indescribable. Two people whose initial responses were kind; although a little less than authentic. Yet, this quickly made way for authentic exchanges.

We were both nearly in tears from having noticed we weren’t speaking our Truth, coming back with Authenticity, connecting with what called for attention and parting having just helped one another pull weeds and plant seeds!! I actually got the benefit of pulling two weeds!

An old childhood wound was one of the weeds. The wound that causes me to feel that I have done something wrong and that I am bad. I was able to soothe that young Camilla and let her know that she had done nothing wrong. That, in fact, she had acted from the heart. And, I was able to do it with Lalita as my witness! I have NEVER done that before. It felt incredible!

The other was the realization of something I had been doing from a place of fear. I was able to see the action would be the same; yet, have a different feeling and outcome when done from a place of love. Amazing, graceful and miraculous even.

If you’re still here after reading this long a** post …. Oceans of love, healthy healing, and warm hugs to you!! xoxo

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest Articles:
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A Piece of Myself Back – A Heart Opening Memory

**THROWBACK TO DECEMBER 14 2013 with Memories of 1989**

(I’m doing housecleaning of my blog and came across this post that got buried before I had the chance to go back to it and add more. Seemed right to share it now.)

My eyes popped open at 1:10 am. My thoughts were flooded with memories of 1989 and my first Christmas in Washington state with my Mom and Frank after moving there from Mississippi.

I vividly remembered my excitement over spending my 1st Christmas with my step-sister, Heather. Like a child in a candy shoppe choosing that perfect piece of candy, I pondered and searched for the perfect gift for her. I finally decided on a beautiful ring with an aquamarine gemstone. I put it on layaway and remember my excitement in talking with the sales clerk about who this gift was for and sharing my enthusiasm.

The day finally came when I was able to pay in full for it. I had a magical excitement as I wrapped it and wrote the perfect message to go along with it. I think my eyes were shining more than hers on Christmas day while I anxiously waited for her to open it. I don’t remember the full details of the message. It was something about how happy I was to have her in my life and that I’d always wanted a sister.

Immediately after recalling this beautiful memory early this morning, I felt as though something was gently placed back into my heart that had been missing. I will try to describe it ….

The wonder of life as a child sees it. The purity of life. The love. I thought to myself these words, “Thank you. Thank you. I had lost that somewhere along the way, hadn’t I?” Tears pooled in my eyes. I was wide awake. I then knew I must get out of my nice warm bed and write about this experience.

Something wonderful had just happened. I just got a piece of myself back. Thank you …

****************************************

My 2018 self looks back on this as a beautiful experience of my heart opening a bit when recalling this gracious memory. Although the gifts I presently give tend to be homemade and usually incorporate a poem or writing dedicated to the recipient, this was not my go to gift in 1989.

Much has shifted for me from that time. I place more value with a homemade gift than a store bought gift. I still buy store bought gifts for Thomas and Lillian. Yet, I also try to always make sure to hand make a wall hanger or card with a special message. I pour all my love and self into these home made gifts and receive incredible joy in creating them.

May you allow yourself to receive beautiful memories when they come calling and know that they have been recalled for a heart opening experience or or other love filled reason. I have also written about un-lovely memories (here and here). They each bear gifts to further our journey in this life.

(The photo of Lake Tahoe above is my idea of an incredible gem these days. I am deeply grateful to live within 30 minutes of her glory and beauty!)

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest Articles:
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You are Amazing and I Believe in You

I’m currently “house cleaning” on my blog. I have drafts dating back to 2012 that got lost in the rush and hustle, in the ups and downs of this spiritual journey I have chosen to travel, down into the depths of my own darkness, up to the peaks of the light and love within us all.

Most of the drafts I come across, I’m deleting as, so far, they’ve just been one sentence or phrase and no longer speak to me. This one called to be posted and expanded upon.

***********************************************************************************************************

**THROWBACK POST**

October 8 2012:

After she had just shown me EVERY Mardi Gras costume she has designed, made herself, and worn in New Orleans at Mardi Gras since 1992; I said to her, “YOU are a talented woman! What do you do? Are you a designer?”

She got quite, her eyes welled with tears and I could feel the hurt and pain. She went on to explain that she has an MBA and things just haven’t lined up how she wants … she’s in limbo … she hasn’t made any money in a long time. She’s disappointed in herself …..

I instantly felt a connection with her. Those who know me, know why. I touched her arm and her heart, looked her in the eye and said, “YOU Are an Amazing and Talented Woman, What you Want WILL happen” …

I shared some of my story with her and gave her one of my books. When it was time to go, I gave her a big hug and repeated what I had said earlier.

I could have changed the subject right after I asked the question that brought her to tears. I could have. I chose not too.

I chose to let this woman know that she is loved, that she is perfect and that she is worthy. We have a choice when we come across these moments …. We have a choice … ♥ ♥ ♥

… I have committed to the World to not let an opportunity pass when I can either inspire someone, help them see their worth or just simply tell them they are amazing … Whether that’s with words I share with them, a look I share with them, or a warm, comforting hug …

I don’t do this to be recognized myself, I do this from the pain of not knowing my worth for so many years of my life … Too many of us were never taught at a young age that we are worthy just as we ARE and that we have a special and unique gift to share.

We search and search and we do stuff and do other stuff and look for what we are supposed to do to prove our worth, when all along it’s always been inside of us …. The more we teach our young that they are worthy, the healthier the human race will be … Love to all and a big, warm, loving, comforting hug … ♥ ♥ ♥

***********************************************************************************************************

Here’s how I’d like to expand on this ….

I do feel it is incredibly important that we let others know they are worthy, perfect as they are, that you believe in them, and that they are loved. However, to find ourselves in a consistent position of being able to do this; we must first turn the mirror on our self.

It is imperative that when we are triggered by others or when we are drowning in the depths of sadness, despair, and the like to let our self feel this.

I am speaking about physically feeling it. Where do you feel the sadness? Is it a heaviness in your stomach or chest or a tightness in your jaw or neck. Place your focus on the physical feeling without analyzing the feeling.

And, tell yourself everything that you needed to hear as a child. Make a script of all that you needed to hear.

For example: You are worthy and deserving of a joyful and peaceful childhood. I am sorry you did not have the childhood you craved. I am sorry I did not listen to you. I am sorry you did not feel heard. I believe in you. You are beautiful and wise.

Every single time you are triggered or in darkness, do this. For every time this is faced and felt and you tell your self what you needed to hear; you heal and your heart continues to open. I say this from experience, from practice, and the powerful and positive impact this has had on my life.

I did not create this exercise. I first read about emotional connection in 2014 in a book by Raphael Cushnir; “The One Thing Holding You Back”, and began the practices he suggested. I loosely continued with the practice throughout the years.

Recently, a new book found me at the library, titled, “Whatever Arises, Love That” by Matt Kahn. This book reminded me of the emotional connection practice AND added the practice of telling one self what one needed to hear as a child.

In my own words, “Love the hurt, love the pain, love the unknown, love all of it until it is released, transmuted and the heart opens even further.”

Over the past 17 or so years I have been a heavy and frequent user of the phrase and similar phrases like, “Love is the Answer” and “All You Need is Love.” For me, this practice of loving whatever arises gives a new and different meaning to this. It’s the next level. It’s the game changer. I’m in.

“Love is the impulse to embrace the innocence of life that brings spiritual harmony to the forefront of your experiences. Whenever love is poured into your heart or sent out as blessings to others, the light within all things awakens.” – Matt Kahn

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

And my book published in 2012, D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance; which reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon.

Latest Articles:
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What Do We Truly Mean When We Say I Love You

I Love You

What do we truly mean when we say we love and accept another?

Do we love and accept the idea of them?

Do we love and accept them for how they make us feel?

or

Do we love and accept them for who they know themselves to be?

What do we truly mean when we say we we love and accept another?

Do we mean no matter what you tell me about yourself, my love will ever be there.
Do we mean no matter what you tell me about yourself, I accept you.
Do we mean no matter what you tell me about yourself, you are worthy.

or

Do we mean as long as who you are does not draw unlovely attention towards ME; my love will ever be there.
Do we mean as long as who you are does not cause others to view ME in an unkind or harsh manner, I accept you.
Do we mean as long as being who you are does not cause ME extra effort and work, I view you as worthy.

This is not a writing to preach which of these is correct and perhaps this makes no sense to you. Many times I write to be set free from the hurtful ramblings of the mind; to process and walk through the lovely and unlovely thoughts that weave through my mind.

I am moved to share to encourage others to write, to experience connection with others, and with the knowing that the person who would benefit from reading what I’ve written, will see it. I know my writings are not everyone’s cup of tea. Thank goodness as that would be too huge a cup to fill! HA!

I’ve been in a twenty year process to shed who I had become and have walked into embracing the first of these scenarios. Life presented me with opportunity after opportunity to stand back from situations and ponder which of these I choose to make my core.

Recently I received news that gave me an opportunity to go even deeper with this learning. I found there was a part of me still clinging to the second of these scenarios. I did not know this to be the case. How could I have known until presented with the situation? How can anyone view another’s choices and way of life, judging that they are doing it wrong and making wrong choices, if they have not been presented by life with opportunities to question their own beliefs?

This is what I have learned in the past few weeks as my heart has opened further than I even knew possible. As I made my way deeper within and communed with the Divine to break wide open what was still closed to loving ALL no matter what. Opening the heart space that is closed for so many of us. The heart space of loving and accepting no matter what that means to my ego, what others will choose to think or say, nor how many will choose to turn their backs.

And this I Know. It has meant the entire world to the one who was and is in need of my trust, support, and love.

And this I know. This has added another layer of patience and empathy. Another layer of stepping back, releasing judgment of others, and BEing the Divine Love that we all are …. Peace and love …. xoxo –©️2018, Camilla Downs

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

And my book published in 2012, D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance; which reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon.

Latest Articles:
[catlist name=blog]

 

 

Neither Side Holds the Answer

The Catalyst

This side. That side. Neither side holds the answer. That lies within.

….. from a recent walk …..

Bridge Walk with Thomas Vintage Lake 5.15.18

Thomas and I spent quite some time in this spot discussing things that were on his mind. Approaching from the other side was a group of wildly loud and profanity spewing kids ranging from a toddler to teenager.

They stopped to throw huge rocks at the geese and goslings. I could not sit idly by and observe this. I felt anger brewing, yet knew this not to be the answer as that must be all these kids know to be behaving in such a manner.

The Response

They dispersed from scaring the geese and goslings as I approached. Fortunately, none were injured. I do not remember the exact words that came forth. Yet, I channeled my inner Buddha and asked them to search for the love and kindness in their heart. And I pointed out that the geese are living beings and should not be treated in this way.

Some scattered. Some stood tall and laughed. Yet, if my calmness and non-threatening communication touched just one of them. Then, that’s one. They need a different way modeled. xoxo

As I attempted to fall asleep last night I mulled over and over how I could have handled this differently, perhaps more effectively, and even woke up thinking about it. I finally “woke up” and let it go knowing that I did the best I could do. xoxo

The Reflection

** I shared this on facebook and the following are further remarks from me sparked by other’s comments:

The older boys were expecting me to be harsh. They were so shocked with what I said that the oldest one’s mouth actually dropped open in disbelief!

I was filled with an odd mixture of anger and compassion for these young men. My thoughts were that they must be on the receiving end of MUCH unkindness from the adults around them and have not been shown the kindness and love that is in our hearts … and never shown that it is in their hearts too ….

What I had within me was an odd mixture of anger and compassion for the one’s mistreating the geese. It is my hope that the words and energy I shared were like a ripple created from a pebble thrown into the water. Maybe. Just maybe the ripple stuck with one of them ….

I had the opportunity to do this once again a few days later with the one who continues to think harshly of me and speak harshly of me to Lillian and Thomas. Anger, sadness, and confusion were the first response, yet I was able to transmute that after morning meditation and journal writing into compassion and knowing.

The Knowing

To Know with the Heart is to Know that their actions and words do not come from the True Self. They are from fear. It has been TWELVE years and still continues. I harbor no anger. Sadness and confusion at times, until I remember what I Know in my Heart.

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 16 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

And my book published in 2012, D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance; which reached #2 in the Self-Help Category and #1 in Special Needs Parenting on Amazon.

Latest Articles:
[catlist name=blog]