My Entire Life Dissolved

On Tuesday, 12.3, my entire life dissolved. It simply disappeared like sugar in boiling water. Who I am, who I thought myself to be disintegrated. In my mind’s eye, I could see creations and events literally crumbling. Have you ever had that happen?

Being me, I view this as the only way I know how … As a deeply spiritual experience. And I am grateful to be traveling this path … uncomfortable experiences, and all.

It left this one saturated with confusion and pain. I had been sobbing on and off for the past week, lost in this confusion, attempting to find the way out. Desperately trying to figure out the solution, the way to fix it. I did not want this uninvited guest.

Only a week later did I realize what happened on the previous Tuesday, and chose to use the “love and embrace” practice, everything that arises, everything one finds oneself in the midst of experiencing.

I turned into the confusion and despair with love and welcomed it like a long lost friend. When I woke up the next morning, the feeling of heaviness, confusion, and anxiety of needing to figure out the situation had lifted.

It’s not an easy task to embrace and welcome an uninvited guest, to turn an uninvited guest into an invited guest. Yet, you know what I learned? When we do this the uninvited guest delivers what it came bearing and must depart to remain the uninvited guest.

That was one freaking wild ride. Is it all figured out now? Well, on some level it is. I just don’t consciously know the solution yet. For now, I am at peace being in the space of not knowing …. Oceans of love …. xoxo

P.S. … No need for sadness .. I consider what happened a deeply spiritual experience and I treasure it. I feel there is incredible wisdom and power within confusion. And when we experience what we thought to be our life and who we are dissolving in our minds eye; it’s the beginning of BEing who we truly are …. At least, that’s what I’m going with! Hahaha!

I feel this minute or so video touches on what I experienced … 

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 13 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Go here for latest posts.

Poetry: The Book Life

The Book Life


(Image: “‘The Lure of Books’ 1911 by Coles Phillips” by Plum leaves is licensed under CC BY 2.0)

A love of reading
A love of books
A love of the written word
She has always had.

Devouring one
book after another
after another.

To have a home
with walls of books.
Books here.
Books there.
Books everywhere.

Oh, the sight, the feel,
the smell … intoxicating
to even think.

Slowly walking the aisle
of the library,
of the book store,
she feels at home.

Glancing through the titles,
gently grabbing a book
by the spine,
pulling it from the shelf,
slowly running her
fingertips across
the book’s title,
opening the book
lifting the opened book
to her nose and
inhaling the scent
of well kept, antique books.

Simply holding, feeling, and
smelling a book
sends here straight away
to other worlds, lands,
and journeys.

The excitement felt
when she anticipates
slipping into deliciously
soft clothing, propping herself
with plush pillows,
and finally opening the book
to begin the adventure.

This has been the way,
A beautiful way.
A way that led her
to know she was to
write, she was to let
black words flow forth
and fill the white pages,
one after another
after another.

She laughs words
She exhales words
She cries words
She bleeds words
She dances words

She swallows the words
of life to be mixed and
meshed with her essence.

Magically she releases the words
fast as lightening through
her fingertips onto the screen.

Books, books, books.
Words, words, words.

Words are oxygen
Words are food
Words are water
Words are shelter
Words are life.

Her teacher
Her friend
Her lover
Her mentor
Books are these,
and more,
to she.

A love of reading
A love of books
A love of the written word
She has always had.

Devouring one
book after another
after another.

All the while
the words,
the books,
devoured she.
©2018 Camilla Downs


(photo from pexels.com)

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 13 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Go here for latest posts.

The Seed of an Idea

Have you ever had your thoughts overflow with an idea of something you feel you’re supposed to be doing? Yet …. The heart whispers, “Not yet, sweet one. Let’s plant that idea. It’s still a seed.”

The idea for “The Alchemy of You – Empowering You from Within” was born as a seed nearly five years ago. A seed of knowing so deep, that I bought the domain name at that same time.

The seed was planted, the root system was formed and then I moved on ….

Until about a month ago, when the seed was no longer. The seed had emerged from the soil of my heart, ready to grow.

Just as with anything that is birthed, I know that the idea in it’s current form, and at some point in the future, is sure to lay to rest or transform into something completely different. So, if you feel moved; reach out to me sooner, rather than later.

“The Alchemy of You – Empowering You from Within” is a mentoring program I soft launched last month by offering 10 gratis sessions. Only 1 gratis session remains.

“I have done 2 sessions with Camilla, and the process has been so healing for me during this tough time I am experiencing. I highly recommend initiating contact with Camilla if you need an alternative way to process the stresses of life. She is empowering and kind!” – Maria Barber, Nevada

“Camilla is a wonderful mentor. I took four sessions with her. She taught me simple techniques to connect with my inner self, and enjoy the present moment. She also helped me cultivate more self-trust, self-love, and peace of mind. What I loved the most about her mentoring sessions was that the answers I was seeking for, came from the heart! I also loved the writing and breathing exercises she shared with me. Thank you Camilla!” Jessica Araus, Netherlands

This mentoring is for anyone who: struggles with self appreciation, struggles with decision making, struggles when triggered by others or one’s own thoughts, or struggles being one’s true self.

Love is at the root of these sessions; helping to melt the frozen barrier surrounding the heart … xoxo

(Photo Credit: Me)

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 13 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Go here for latest posts.

The Depths of My Love

**THROWBACK POST**


(photo from our November 2017 Date Day at Washoe Lake)

August 7 2018:

This child knows not the depths of my love. And, that is okay. For I do not have and hold that love for it to be known or reciprocated.

Although there are times when our eyes meet and I Know that Thomas Knows and we Know that the other Knows.

At times, I may fall short of it being clear by way of my words and actions. Yet, it is there, within, where my soul holds it for an eternity, in all times and all dimensions.

It’s been a journey this past 20 years or so of remembering the True meaning of the word Love. I am blessed I get to do it with Thomas and Lillian by my side.

At times, I don’t feel strong enough or capable enough to continue. Yet, in the next moment I know that is simply a trick of the mind. It is only the stories I attach to what I’m experiencing that cause me to feel this way.

This afternoon was for Thomas. May the Love and support I hold for Thomas, and my desire to always make choices that are in Thomas’ highest and best interest, travel far and wide for any and all who feel in need of Love and support.

I’m feeling mushy and woo woo and the Love floweth over … xoxo

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 13 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest Articles:
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Want to Help Spread the Word – The Alchemy of You

Just over a month ago I soft launched my mentoring program, “The Alchemy of You – Empowering You from Within”. The feedback from participants and internal shifting experienced by participants thus far has been profound and palpable.

I can share on my blog and Facebook until the end of time; yet, the reach is limited. I have a knowing that this is deeply needed by society and for that reason I offer prana pay (pay what you can) for those who feel they would benefit and simply don’t have the resources.

A knowing blossomed within me that the time was now to begin. Even if it meant beginning with one person at a time. It all begins with one person, right?

The time is now to begin an Appreciation Revolution. The time is now to learn the Power of Self Appreciation, thereby opening one’s heart. The time is now to spread and share the Power of Self Appreciation to any who feel called.

Love is at the root of the sessions, speaking, and (un)workshops. By way of learning the Power of Self Appreciation coupled with loving oneself through anything and everything that comes into one’s experience. I like to refer to them as (un)workshops as these aren’t traditional workshops.

I offer one to one online mentoring sessions. These sessions are for one hour, once per week, for 4 consecutive weeks.

In addition, I offer (un)workshops. These can be offered as 4 consecutive, once per week, one hour (un)workshops or an in person 3 hour (un)workshop.

I am also available to speak to groups. If the group is searching for a speaker that not only inspires; but gives the audience empowering and tangible techniques they can begin to use immediately, please reach out to me.

Audience participants will learn techniques for the art of self appreciation and loving oneself through any situation.

These techniques will help in:

* decision making,
* being one’s true self and speaking one’s truth,
* knowing the solutions to situations,
* diffusing internal triggers when they arise, and
* paving the way for more harmonious relationships with loved ones and strangers alike.

I am a speaker who will listen to the audience, who will see the audience, and will leave them feeling appreciative of themselves and more empowered.

If you feel called and inspired to help spread the word, it would be graciously appreciated. Should you feel the need to experience this for yourself before sharing with anyone, just let me know, as that can absolutely be arranged.

Please let me know if you’d like further information or would like to collaborate in some manner should you have a service or product that compliments The Alchemy of You’s Appreciation Revolution.

“Camilla is a wonderful mentor. I took four sessions with her. She taught me simple techniques to connect with my inner self, and enjoy the present moment. She also helped me cultivate more self-trust, self-love, and peace of mind. What I loved the most about her mentoring sessions was that the answers I was seeking for, came from the heart! I also loved the writing and breathing exercises she shared with me. Thank you Camilla!” Jessica Araus, Netherlands

“I have done 2 sessions with Camilla, and the process has been so healing for me during this tough time I am experiencing. I highly recommend initiating contact with Camilla if you need an alternative way to process the stresses of life. She is empowering and kind!” – Maria Barber, Nevada

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 13 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest Articles:
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Poetry and Photography: The Path of the Heart

The Path of the Heart

The path back home
seems littered with
suffering and struggle.

What is this insane
ability to cause
one self such suffering?

Suffering by way of the
thoughts that dart
here and there,
at times stabbing
the soul as if they
were a cold, sharp knife.

When one golden day
the tides of change
bring the knowing
that the path
is also littered
with Love.

A Love shining so
bright and clear, that
the suffering seems almost
not to have happened.

The path of Love
The path of suffering
The path of struggles
The path of Joy
The path of Harmony
The path of irritation
The path of guilt
The path of Peace

All the same path
The path that we each travel.
Made to seem different
by way of the degree of
suffering we cause our self.

Made to seem different
until that glorious day
that we each learn
to love our self and
to love one another through
everything that happens.

For the things that
happen will still be
there; yet, the perception
of each will shift
the more the one
love’s oneself through
the things.

The path of Love.
The path we all
shall arrive upon
one sweet day.

Oh, glory be.
We shall see.
©️2018 Camilla Downs

(Photo Credit: Me)

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest Articles:
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Game Plan: Connect with Others

July 7 2018:

(Photo credit: Me – Taken in 2014 of myself and students in the Success for Teens blogging class I was teaching at the time)

Do you have a game plan? On the four hour flight from Vegas to Baltimore I sat next to Mark Everest.

For nearly the entire flight we shared about his family – wife, daughter, son, grand daughter -, books he’s written, his company, his workshops and speaking, his hippie friend who lives above Santa Monica. And I shared about the conference, Chromosome 18, my family, Thomas and Lillian, our books, my path.

Then we talked about Stephen Covey, Zig Ziglar, Earl Nightingale, Charlie Tremendous Jones, Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, and some I’m forgetting.

I just read the first 50 pages of his first book which he gifted to me. Quote from the book, “Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” -Mahatma Gandhi

I shared with him I am most likely the most Woo Woo person at the conference; he said, “You are needed there.” This same comment was repeated to me by someone dear to me on the last night of the conference. Messages it did my heart good to hear!

It’s a wonderful feeling to truly connect with others. I feel we bless one another and are sharing a gift with one another when we do this. Now. That’s what I call a Game Plan!! And, that’s my GamePlan! xoxo

Game Plane Book Mark Everest Airplane to C18 Conference 7.7.18

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest Articles:
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The Beauty of All Individual Personalities and Souls

**THROWBACK POST**

February 19 2014:

(Thomas on a walk in 2014)

When I picked up Thomas from school recently, he told me he has been asking all of his classmates whether or not they like LEGOS. Only one or two say they do and the others tell him they don’t and they like playing the Wii. He said it makes him feel bad that no one else likes them.

I explained to him that I’ve had a similar experience with feeling bad when others don’t like or feel the same way about something I like. BUT, I have learned that I am choosing to feel this way … And I can choose not to feel this way also.

He said, “That’s so hard, though”. I told him I completely understand and it takes lots and lots of practice to choose not to let it bother you. I said this may help …

People are all different. We like different things. Some like the same things. Some don’t like the same things. Instead of labeling it as good when someone likes the same “stuff” as you, just look at it as “It just is” and when someone doesn’t like what you do, look at that as “It just is”.

(Thomas put this together for my birthday in 2014)

What would the world be like if we all liked the SAME thing? Nothing would ever get done! If EVERYONE liked LEGOS and only building with LEGOS we’d having nothing but little plastic LEGO food, LEGO furniture and LEGO houses, LEGO cars. We’d be these big giant people trying to live in a little LEGO world! We all three got a laugh out of that one!

Thomas doesn’t even know what a Wii is … After he told me the above, he asked, “What’s a Wii?” … I don’t think these kids were being unkind. They were being truthful. I also want Thomas to know it’s okay to be truthful with others and not say things just to “fit” in or because it’s what others want to hear. I did not tell him one way or the other that either of these preferences was better than the other. That can be a conversation for another day.

He already knows how I feel about TV and video games. We don’t own either of them … Thomas is so into his LEGOs! He watches YouTube videos of LEGO tutorials and really wants to build his own creations. That’s BIG!!

The new LEGO sets come with detailed, numbered instructions and bags … one hardly has to think to put them together. YET, after you’ve put the designated item together, then you get to take it apart and think about making your own creation with ALL THOSE BRICKS!! We have a big bucket of over 600 random LEGO pieces on it’s way to us right now and he can hardly stand it!! (Something he got with Christmas money!)

(One of the photographs in Thomas’ book, Biggest Little Photographer, published 2016)

*************************

My 2018 thoughts …..

Four years later I still pretty much feel in tune with this conversation. I would add that when we feel sad or angry in these situations, it is a sign, an internal raised hand, for us to walk into that uncomfortable feeling so that it can be released.

The more we take the opportunity to do this, the more we release, the more our heart opens, and eventually our internal response to these situations will be completely different.

These situations will still continue to happen. Yet, our response will be from a place of love with the ability to see the uniqueness and beauty of all individual personalities and souls.

Regarding the bit from 2014 where I mention I want Thomas to know he can be truthful with others …. Well, I think that was successful; for the most part. At times, his truthfulness presents me with the opportunity to walk into and release uncomfortable feelings. Although it may not feel like it at the time, that is a true blessing.

(Thomas on one of our 2014 walks)

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest Articles:
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Poetry and Photography: When Things Come Together

When Things Come Together

And she began the walk
The walk of only she,
breathing in, knowing she was breathing in
breathing out, knowing she was breathing out

She listened to the sounds of
the stillness
the song birds
the beeping construction equipment
the roar of an airplane overhead
the creak and pop of the plastic fence
the screech of the vulture as he took flight
the long distance cough of another echoing across the wetland
the jingle of her earrings in the breeze
the whir of the traffic in the distance

She felt the soft breeze
brush by her cheeks
lifting her hair ever so gently.

She focused
her eyes on the vibrant pink flower
and found her thoughts to be ….

I am the flower swaying in the breeze
The flower is me

She focused her eyes on the crisp green
blades of grass hosting plump round droplets
of water

I am the blade of grass hosting the water droplet
the blade of grass is me

I am the water droplet resting on the blade of grass
the water droplet is me

She focused her eyes on the majestic vulture

I am the vulture resting on a rock
The vulture is me

She focused her eyes on and lay her hands upon
the crooked and tall tree.

I am the tree standing crooked and tall
the tree is me

And she is,
and they are,
fulfilling life.

And she ended the walk
The walk of the One.
breathing in, knowing she was breathing in
breathing out, knowing she was breathing out.
©️2018, Camilla Downs

-Photo Credit: Me xoxo

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest Articles:
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Don’t Let the How Stop you from the Why

I’m housecleaning on my blog! Cleaning the 20 pages of “draft” status posts. Most I’m trashing or adding to my digital journal. Yet, I’ve come across some that I feel moved to share.

**THROWBACK TO SEPTEMBER 2 2014**

Last week a student asked if a woman in a video I shared with them was me. Student T said, “No, that’s not her. She doesn’t have the money to film something like that.” I said, “Do you think I would let that stop me from moving forward with a project I knew needed to be brought to the public?”

Student T asked how I would do it without money. I said, “You don’t focus on that. You focus on doing it, begin it, take that first step, share it and the help you need to make it happen will come .. as long as it’s something that benefits others. And as long as you don’t lose your focus on whatever it is. You don’t want to let the how stop you from doing it for the why …”

I also shared the story of how my book came to be … If I had not taken that first step and began writing it, there would be no book. I had no idea how I would pay for the expenses in publishing a book ….

I posted the above on facebook and had also saved my response to the beautiful comments that were received …

Honestly y’all, when the students make some of these comments this stuff just flies out of my mouth … before I can even think about it. Next thing I know my heart is racing, my face is warm and I’ve shared some really cool words with them.

However, sometimes I forget to take my own advice. I have just come to the understanding of precisely why I am teaching this class. I have been questioning this for weeks and have been telling myself there is a reason I am doing it and the reason will become clear eventually.

I get it now. It’s not only for the students. It’s for ME and Team TLC too. What I share with Thomas and Lillian, what I share with the students, the books I’m reading during this time, the conversations I’m having with others is all perfectly synchronized like waves rolling up to shore … back and forth, back and forth …

I GET IT. I ACCEPT IT. I EMBRACE IT.

There’s no better feeling than listening to your inner voice, having faith in it and your choices and the moment you understand it all … So much love and hugs and smiles to all y’all!!!

******************

October 2018 Additional Information:

In September 2014 I taught a blogging class at High Desert Montessori. The above is a conversation from that class.

I cannot remember which of two videos I had them watch. Yet, I know it had something to do with one of the “Success for Teens” modules we were covering on that day.

It was either this one ….

or this one …

If you’re interested in the story of how “D iz for Different – One Woman’s Journey to Acceptance” came to be, go here …

Can a Book Be Published With Little to No Money – Part Three

Blessings,
Camilla
See It. Share It. BE IT … Spread Love Everywhere You Go!

Amazing news! My 17 year old daughter, Lillian Darnell’s debut book, “Where Would You Fly and Other Magical Stories” is published. Learn more and order here

Wonderfully exciting news! My 12 year old son, Thomas Darnell‘s book, Biggest Little Photographer is published. Be inspired! Learn more and order here.

Latest Articles:
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